INTERACTIVE AFFIRMATION -
I ACCEPT MY ANGELIC GIFTS..
Gifts often come from the least expected places.
No matter how you look at them, thoughts are gifts. They are like plants that live in a garden, many of them stimulated by old belief patterns. Cleaning them up means opening new creative places for planting new patterns that can form new, carefully crafted beliefs. Remember, many old negative belief patterns came from others. Now, you have the opportunity to design exactly what you want.
When involved in belief-designing keep an eye out for obstructions or resistance. These are nothing more than old, left-overs. If one presents itself, stay aware and breathe from your center. Relax into the moment. Tilt your eyes up slightly. Locate the mind screen. Place an image or think your newly designed goal right there. This is a direction to your subconscious or creative mine that you don't want the left-over, but the new design instead.
If you are following along, you have disposed of the old coats or beliefs. Now, children from your past are coming towards you with gift boxes. Locate a special place on your Path for greeting your past childSelves, perhaps outside your "workshop." They are out of hiding now, desiring to share their power with you. Even the very youngest, now that they have been unburdened, have power to share.
You may wonder how this could be, for they are seem so vulnerable. While that is true, they represent your earliest survivors. They came into this life with a strong soul and spirit. They came with two books. One for teaching and one for learning. Perhaps in the past they were blocked by negative energy or sharing from others who were in need of their own healing, but your past Selves have been freed now, and their gifts are being given back to you.
As the children arrive, breathe in deeply, sensing yourself deepening, perhaps counting slowly back from five to one. When "one" presents itself, you find a beautiful golden egg-shape surrounding you, like a comfortable capsule. This is your private space on the face of the earth. The air is pure and energizing. Breathe it in. Notice that you can view life going on outside of your "egg", but it doesn't enter your space. You can observe the different scenes that take place in your life.
The "actor you" is playing out, experiencing emotions, learning lessons, even teaching some, but that is all happening outside of the true You. Others who you recognize as partners, children, relationships, colleagues and the other "players" on the world stage from those you meet at work, in the market, on the roads, see on television or hear on the sound-waves are present outside of your private space. You are disassociated from them. From this position you are able to correspond in healthier ways than before.
The gifts are ready for opening. The children have returned to their gardens, for their work is completed now. You are in charge. They have been released and wait for any re-programming you might like to send their way in response to the gifts. You and you alone are responsible for your life. You are the writer, director and producer of your life course.
Sense this feeling now as it enters your body....take time with this experience for it is life-changing for most of us, especially if your past included co-dependent relationships. It's like.....you are truly home now.
The opening of the children's gifts is a form of life review, but only experienced through the positive nature of these gifts. The childSelves who delivered them were in their pure spiritual states. Depending on your belief system, you might think of these as Angelic gifts or gifts from your Highest part of yourSelf.
I suggest that you take your time as you open the gifts. For me, I like to open them just before going to sleep at night, or upon waking in the morning when the mind is in a hypnogogic or very slow brain wave state. You can choose which gifts you might like to open. Listen to your inner guidance for that part of you knows what you need.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Monday, December 20, 2010
The Biggest Gift Ever!
Clips from ThoughtWARE - 101 Mind Programs for Losing and Maintaining a Healthy Weight - soon to be published in EBook.
INTERACTIVE AFFIRMATION -
I ACCEPT COMPLETE RESPONSIBILITY FOR MYSELF.
Becoming & staying self-responsible! A very big challenge. Giving up blaming and making excuses is absolutely necessary, not only for weight and health issues, but for everything. This is the biggest gift you can ever give yourself because it is the gift of "complete freedom." If you haven't felt this, then you have truly missed out.
Accepting a gift always means giving up something. In this instance, we give up the habit of blaming and making excuses. An image I use for myself is a "big, deep hole." I've been digging at this for as long as I can remember. What's interesting is that no one every stopped me. There came a time in my life when I began wondering "why didn't someone stop me?" In those moments, I never asked the most important question. "Why didn't I stop myself?"
If you have never asked yourself these questions, please do. A big gift box will open for you. Gifts are things we receive for moving into self-reliance, self-resilience and self-honesty. Then, self-image and self-esteem "self-correct." You take back your power and then you come to the fantastic realization that you are free to live your life. It is your life. This is a huge realization for those of us who are living or who have lived in co-dependent relationships. This is the moment of letting go, as well as disallowing anyone else to take over what is yours.
There are several powerful images that I utilize for myself and in my work with others. I'll share some of these with you, but let your own mind show you the way. After you relax deeply and enter the following visualizations, ask your own Higher Self to take over.
Relax deeply into the chair where you are sitting. If you are following along, take the journey down to the "workshop of your mind." I'm waiting there for you.
Before we go inside, let's go around back. Locate your deep excuse hole or any other image that represents the times when you didn't take responsibility for yourself. Everyone has one, so just go and find yours. Then, take whatever tools you need to fill it in or disassemble it. This is telling your subconscious mind that you do not want to follow these patterns any longer. Mind images, suggestions and directives are very powerful and work quickly.
There are two golden paths that lead off from the back garden of your "workshop." One goes to your past, the other leads to your future. We'll start off on your Past Path. The capital letters signify it's importance, so always think of it in this way. This is where your Power and Resilience live. Honor it.
I'm giving you some binoculars so you can look way down....way down to the beginning. There you will find your parents holding you on the day of your birth. Whenever I go to visit my "newly born Self", I'm amazed at the youth of my parents. It's in this moment that I deliver love, compassion and forgiveness to them. Perhaps you might like to do the same. It is a very freeing prayer or spiritual message.
Find yourself in front of your parents. Your "newly born Self" is being handed to you. Feel the weight in your arms. If the baby is wrapped in a blanket, undo it and hold your childSelf next to your heart. Press gently .... again ....and now sense your newborn Self entering your heart. Sense the emotion of love.... Sense the emotion surrounding responsibility.... Sense the emotion of the freedom and joy of having this for yourself.
No one owns you. There is no such thing as co-dependency. You have a very strong purpose now. Each day you will care for yourself in thousands of ways, including your behaviors, habits you choose to keep, foods and beverages you choose to share, emotions you choose to entertain, goal paths you choose to follow....all while carrying yourself in your own heart.
These are powerful images. On the surface this may sound like a game, but what you are doing while placing these living images is instructing your creative, subconscious mind to go forward on these very special "goal platforms." You are starting at the very beginning and in the next blog you will move up the Past Path, removing negative belief coats from your earlier children, teens, adults....right up to the present you. Then, you will be ready to enter your Future Path.
INTERACTIVE AFFIRMATION -
I ACCEPT COMPLETE RESPONSIBILITY FOR MYSELF.
Becoming & staying self-responsible! A very big challenge. Giving up blaming and making excuses is absolutely necessary, not only for weight and health issues, but for everything. This is the biggest gift you can ever give yourself because it is the gift of "complete freedom." If you haven't felt this, then you have truly missed out.
Accepting a gift always means giving up something. In this instance, we give up the habit of blaming and making excuses. An image I use for myself is a "big, deep hole." I've been digging at this for as long as I can remember. What's interesting is that no one every stopped me. There came a time in my life when I began wondering "why didn't someone stop me?" In those moments, I never asked the most important question. "Why didn't I stop myself?"
If you have never asked yourself these questions, please do. A big gift box will open for you. Gifts are things we receive for moving into self-reliance, self-resilience and self-honesty. Then, self-image and self-esteem "self-correct." You take back your power and then you come to the fantastic realization that you are free to live your life. It is your life. This is a huge realization for those of us who are living or who have lived in co-dependent relationships. This is the moment of letting go, as well as disallowing anyone else to take over what is yours.
There are several powerful images that I utilize for myself and in my work with others. I'll share some of these with you, but let your own mind show you the way. After you relax deeply and enter the following visualizations, ask your own Higher Self to take over.
Relax deeply into the chair where you are sitting. If you are following along, take the journey down to the "workshop of your mind." I'm waiting there for you.
Before we go inside, let's go around back. Locate your deep excuse hole or any other image that represents the times when you didn't take responsibility for yourself. Everyone has one, so just go and find yours. Then, take whatever tools you need to fill it in or disassemble it. This is telling your subconscious mind that you do not want to follow these patterns any longer. Mind images, suggestions and directives are very powerful and work quickly.
There are two golden paths that lead off from the back garden of your "workshop." One goes to your past, the other leads to your future. We'll start off on your Past Path. The capital letters signify it's importance, so always think of it in this way. This is where your Power and Resilience live. Honor it.
I'm giving you some binoculars so you can look way down....way down to the beginning. There you will find your parents holding you on the day of your birth. Whenever I go to visit my "newly born Self", I'm amazed at the youth of my parents. It's in this moment that I deliver love, compassion and forgiveness to them. Perhaps you might like to do the same. It is a very freeing prayer or spiritual message.
Find yourself in front of your parents. Your "newly born Self" is being handed to you. Feel the weight in your arms. If the baby is wrapped in a blanket, undo it and hold your childSelf next to your heart. Press gently .... again ....and now sense your newborn Self entering your heart. Sense the emotion of love.... Sense the emotion surrounding responsibility.... Sense the emotion of the freedom and joy of having this for yourself.
No one owns you. There is no such thing as co-dependency. You have a very strong purpose now. Each day you will care for yourself in thousands of ways, including your behaviors, habits you choose to keep, foods and beverages you choose to share, emotions you choose to entertain, goal paths you choose to follow....all while carrying yourself in your own heart.
These are powerful images. On the surface this may sound like a game, but what you are doing while placing these living images is instructing your creative, subconscious mind to go forward on these very special "goal platforms." You are starting at the very beginning and in the next blog you will move up the Past Path, removing negative belief coats from your earlier children, teens, adults....right up to the present you. Then, you will be ready to enter your Future Path.
Friday, December 17, 2010
Affirmation Workshop - Opening Stressors
For those of you who are following along, please go and relax deeply into the moment. You already know how to do this. If you are new to my writing, scroll down for some further instructions. Once you are deeply relaxed, return to your "workshop" and pick up your "Book of Stressors." Notice how heavy it is. Also notice that it has a beautiful leather cover with your name embossed on the cover. Trace your name with your finger. You are you. This is your book. It is heavy. It is filled with value.
Your subconscious mind directs you to look at the table of contents. Here you find your stressors divided into different categories. This makes it easier for identification purposes. The more stressors or "buttons" you find, the better for you. Not only can you release the body from the production of stress chemicals caused by these, but you can also diminish the compulsion or obsession connected to the stressors. That's the part of you that actually calls the stressor to return for another performance. "Let's get mad, sad, out of control, play victim and a host of other roles you do so well."
Stress reactions are made by choice. Nothing is stressful on it's own. In addition, most stressors are pure mind fantasy....stories we have sold ourselves and then share with others. We each decide what we will be bothered, annoyed or frightened about, as well as the level that we choose to be effected. Each time we tell the story, either to ourselves or to someone else, the stressor button becomes more golden...more valuable in a negative sense.
So, now you know why it is so important to locate these. As you look at your "table of contents" many will jump into your mind. We have stress buttons in relation to specific people and experiences. Then, there are those more generalized. Think about things you don't like to do or particular behaviors you don't like in general. Tell yourself "all of the things you don't like, in other words, your life complaints." Be sure to look in the area having to do with yourself. These are often the most toxic. The things you don't like about yourself usually have huge stress buttons.
Some stressors will be hidden, often forced into hiding by toxic emotions, especially anger and fear. You may even hear yourself denying having a stressor or even stress in general. "I don't know why I binge at night. I have no stress in my life. My stress has nothing to do with my eating issues. I exercise. I meditate. I'm happily married, have perfect children and even my dog is a pure delight." The need to be right, being judgmental about yourself and others cause great stress to build in the mind and body. And, stress needs to be released. The body and mind need balance....this is called homeostasis.
Now, look to your stress-release mechanisms. These are usually addictive. Be sure to look beyond substances such as caffeine, food, sugars, beverages, alcohol, smoking and the usual ones. Look way beyond those....see if you can find addictive behaviors or emotions. Look beyond the usual behaviors that are more on the surface. Go down deep. They are often the most difficult to find and then to own. Any secrets? Dig them out and bring them to the light. They won't hurt you. Secrets cause pain when they are hidden, but not when they are opened to the light. Forgiveness and compassion comes with this lighting.
In the moment you become aware of the stressor, you can release it with your breath. The combination of awareness and breath will not only diminish the stressor, but will "open" it. Inside the stressor are "golden opportunities". They are buried deep inside, but will show themselves if you are diligent about staying aware and releasing.
Here's the action steps...
STRESS AWARE ------> BREATHE.........> BODY RELEASE ------> MIND RELEASE ------> GOLDEN OPPORTUNITIES SHOW THEMSELVES
You may be wondering, "What are golden opportunities?" These can be all sorts of treasures. Some things I've found inside my own stressors are keys to the triggers. Now that I have the keys, the triggers no longer work. I've also found great insight about myself and the origin of the stressors. Some were given to me "as gifts" from people I wanted to please and so I learned to imitate them. Others were things that people "sold" to me as good, or even great ideas, such as bingeing or hiding or lying. These are powerful awareness tools. I remember finding plans for stopping a particular stress reaction, one that could also be applied to other things.
So, be diligent! Get the job done! Have fun! Be grateful!
Your subconscious mind directs you to look at the table of contents. Here you find your stressors divided into different categories. This makes it easier for identification purposes. The more stressors or "buttons" you find, the better for you. Not only can you release the body from the production of stress chemicals caused by these, but you can also diminish the compulsion or obsession connected to the stressors. That's the part of you that actually calls the stressor to return for another performance. "Let's get mad, sad, out of control, play victim and a host of other roles you do so well."
Stress reactions are made by choice. Nothing is stressful on it's own. In addition, most stressors are pure mind fantasy....stories we have sold ourselves and then share with others. We each decide what we will be bothered, annoyed or frightened about, as well as the level that we choose to be effected. Each time we tell the story, either to ourselves or to someone else, the stressor button becomes more golden...more valuable in a negative sense.
So, now you know why it is so important to locate these. As you look at your "table of contents" many will jump into your mind. We have stress buttons in relation to specific people and experiences. Then, there are those more generalized. Think about things you don't like to do or particular behaviors you don't like in general. Tell yourself "all of the things you don't like, in other words, your life complaints." Be sure to look in the area having to do with yourself. These are often the most toxic. The things you don't like about yourself usually have huge stress buttons.
Some stressors will be hidden, often forced into hiding by toxic emotions, especially anger and fear. You may even hear yourself denying having a stressor or even stress in general. "I don't know why I binge at night. I have no stress in my life. My stress has nothing to do with my eating issues. I exercise. I meditate. I'm happily married, have perfect children and even my dog is a pure delight." The need to be right, being judgmental about yourself and others cause great stress to build in the mind and body. And, stress needs to be released. The body and mind need balance....this is called homeostasis.
Now, look to your stress-release mechanisms. These are usually addictive. Be sure to look beyond substances such as caffeine, food, sugars, beverages, alcohol, smoking and the usual ones. Look way beyond those....see if you can find addictive behaviors or emotions. Look beyond the usual behaviors that are more on the surface. Go down deep. They are often the most difficult to find and then to own. Any secrets? Dig them out and bring them to the light. They won't hurt you. Secrets cause pain when they are hidden, but not when they are opened to the light. Forgiveness and compassion comes with this lighting.
In the moment you become aware of the stressor, you can release it with your breath. The combination of awareness and breath will not only diminish the stressor, but will "open" it. Inside the stressor are "golden opportunities". They are buried deep inside, but will show themselves if you are diligent about staying aware and releasing.
Here's the action steps...
STRESS AWARE ------> BREATHE.........> BODY RELEASE ------> MIND RELEASE ------> GOLDEN OPPORTUNITIES SHOW THEMSELVES
You may be wondering, "What are golden opportunities?" These can be all sorts of treasures. Some things I've found inside my own stressors are keys to the triggers. Now that I have the keys, the triggers no longer work. I've also found great insight about myself and the origin of the stressors. Some were given to me "as gifts" from people I wanted to please and so I learned to imitate them. Others were things that people "sold" to me as good, or even great ideas, such as bingeing or hiding or lying. These are powerful awareness tools. I remember finding plans for stopping a particular stress reaction, one that could also be applied to other things.
So, be diligent! Get the job done! Have fun! Be grateful!
Monday, December 13, 2010
Shining the Awareness Flashlight
INTERACTIVE AFFIRMATION - I LIGHT UP MY LIFE!
The mind screen is one of our most powerful resources for it allows us to view what's going on in our moment to moment life without "being in it." We are the observers and not the participants. Certainly, one could argue, that we are doing whatever it is, but when we take the position of "observer", we hold the power for change. It's like being the writer/producer/director of a movie or play. The "director you" sits in the audience seats observing the scene on the stage. For that position it's easy to see the big picture and to make the changes that will make the production better. This is exactly what you are doing.
A powerful image in the awareness flashlight. It works in the same way as the theater in the mind. When you hold the light and point it at something, you are also the "observer." The name of the game is to bring everything to the light. Some aspects need greater introspection. For example, if you find yourself in the supermarket placing cookies or ice cream in your cart, you want to shine that flashlight on that scene. The observer wants to ask some very pertinent questions. "What's going on here? What were you thinking? What was the motivation? What emotions are present? How hot are those emotions? Who is in charge? Now...a very important question. What were you NOT thinking? What is missing from this scene?"
So, your actions are not just simple little meaningless things. Without stopping the action with the flashlight, you miss out on the most important information and it is this information that will bring you to a higher level of self-management.
Every moment holds the opportunity for getting better and better. I used to ask myself, "How well can I do my supermarket experience?" Another question, "What will my shopping cart look like when I get to the check-out? Will I need to make any corrections before I empty my cart? If so, how did those things get in my cart? What was happening in those moments?" Here's another opportunity to take out the flashlight. In other words, it's not over until it's over.
It's both interesting and powerful to pay attention to the workings of your mind. Look and listen. Your inner chat and mind images are your teachers. They show you your truth and then, give you the opportunity to "ask for the answers."
Let's go back to my supermarket experience and the questions I asked myself regarding the cookies and ice cream. That particular day my emotions were running "very hot." My emotional child was completely out of control, not wanting, but demanding a reward. The inner dialog went something like this. "You never give me anything. I work very hard and I deserve this. I want it. I want it. I want it. Give it to me. No? Well I'm taking it."
On this particular day I found myself with a pint of Haagen-Daz in each hand. My emotional childSelf relaxed. Then, I became aware of what had gone on. As I shined the flashlight, my emotional self tightened up. It was difficult to move my body and my hands refused to open so I could release the two containers of ice cream. Another woman was standing behind me, "Take as long as you like, " she smiled. "It's so difficult to make a choice." OH....yes, how right she was, but I made a choice right in that moment. I put the ice cream back on the shelf and took my screaming childSelf to the car. I moved the seat back and began to meditate. I needed to get to a place where I could ask the right questions because this was a very big teaching moment.
As I went deeper down into the place where my very best flashlight is located, I noticed an image of my emotional childSelf waiting for me. She was wearing a very big wristwatch. I asked her to show it to me, then asked her why she was wearing it. "It's the hurry up watch. The hurry-hurry-hurry-hurry watch."
Identifying stressors is not always what it seems on the surface. Some are buried very deeply, others are multiplied making them appear "normal", but they are not. The hurry-hurry watch is one of these. If you keep an eye out for people zooming around life, you don't have to look far for those wearing this time-piece.
Relax now...go to the Workshop of Your Mind...pick up the book called "stressors" & ask your subconscious to show you what's going on. Throughout your day your thoughts will register the answers to this question, so stay alert.
copyright 2010 Elizabeth Bohorquez RN, C.Ht
May not be reproduced without permission of author.
The mind screen is one of our most powerful resources for it allows us to view what's going on in our moment to moment life without "being in it." We are the observers and not the participants. Certainly, one could argue, that we are doing whatever it is, but when we take the position of "observer", we hold the power for change. It's like being the writer/producer/director of a movie or play. The "director you" sits in the audience seats observing the scene on the stage. For that position it's easy to see the big picture and to make the changes that will make the production better. This is exactly what you are doing.
A powerful image in the awareness flashlight. It works in the same way as the theater in the mind. When you hold the light and point it at something, you are also the "observer." The name of the game is to bring everything to the light. Some aspects need greater introspection. For example, if you find yourself in the supermarket placing cookies or ice cream in your cart, you want to shine that flashlight on that scene. The observer wants to ask some very pertinent questions. "What's going on here? What were you thinking? What was the motivation? What emotions are present? How hot are those emotions? Who is in charge? Now...a very important question. What were you NOT thinking? What is missing from this scene?"
So, your actions are not just simple little meaningless things. Without stopping the action with the flashlight, you miss out on the most important information and it is this information that will bring you to a higher level of self-management.
Every moment holds the opportunity for getting better and better. I used to ask myself, "How well can I do my supermarket experience?" Another question, "What will my shopping cart look like when I get to the check-out? Will I need to make any corrections before I empty my cart? If so, how did those things get in my cart? What was happening in those moments?" Here's another opportunity to take out the flashlight. In other words, it's not over until it's over.
It's both interesting and powerful to pay attention to the workings of your mind. Look and listen. Your inner chat and mind images are your teachers. They show you your truth and then, give you the opportunity to "ask for the answers."
Let's go back to my supermarket experience and the questions I asked myself regarding the cookies and ice cream. That particular day my emotions were running "very hot." My emotional child was completely out of control, not wanting, but demanding a reward. The inner dialog went something like this. "You never give me anything. I work very hard and I deserve this. I want it. I want it. I want it. Give it to me. No? Well I'm taking it."
On this particular day I found myself with a pint of Haagen-Daz in each hand. My emotional childSelf relaxed. Then, I became aware of what had gone on. As I shined the flashlight, my emotional self tightened up. It was difficult to move my body and my hands refused to open so I could release the two containers of ice cream. Another woman was standing behind me, "Take as long as you like, " she smiled. "It's so difficult to make a choice." OH....yes, how right she was, but I made a choice right in that moment. I put the ice cream back on the shelf and took my screaming childSelf to the car. I moved the seat back and began to meditate. I needed to get to a place where I could ask the right questions because this was a very big teaching moment.
As I went deeper down into the place where my very best flashlight is located, I noticed an image of my emotional childSelf waiting for me. She was wearing a very big wristwatch. I asked her to show it to me, then asked her why she was wearing it. "It's the hurry up watch. The hurry-hurry-hurry-hurry watch."
Identifying stressors is not always what it seems on the surface. Some are buried very deeply, others are multiplied making them appear "normal", but they are not. The hurry-hurry watch is one of these. If you keep an eye out for people zooming around life, you don't have to look far for those wearing this time-piece.
Relax now...go to the Workshop of Your Mind...pick up the book called "stressors" & ask your subconscious to show you what's going on. Throughout your day your thoughts will register the answers to this question, so stay alert.
copyright 2010 Elizabeth Bohorquez RN, C.Ht
May not be reproduced without permission of author.
Sunday, December 05, 2010
Compulsive Shake-Down
Some of my behaviors have changed over the past few days. I have no idea about why this has happened, except that perhaps my internal dialog and work with my Journal Master has actually re-programmed my mind in some way. As a therapist, I do know that when we bring something to the light, things change.
Last night I had a huge moment with one of my most prominent disorderly eating compulsions. I don't remember noticing this one while on the train ride, but of course, not everything was consciously present. While I'm very familiar with this compulsion, last night it was somewhat different, as if a big light was showing me details that I had missed before. The compulsion begins when the scene is set, and not a moment before. I have a special recliner in the guest room where there is a TV. This particular recliner had a past life in my hypnotherapy office, so it has some "relax energy" installed, or so my creative mind believes.
The scene begins to play out...around eleven I head for the recliner. No lights in the room. I'm alone in this part of the house. My husband is secured back in the bedroom reading. My subconscious mind childSelf reminds me that he never comes back out once he goes to there. She is obviously my accomplice.
( Behind the Scene Notes - the Self loves to be in this quiet & safe cocoon where she can put food it her mouth & feel the supreme joy. The joy actually begins at the moment of deciding what food to eat, actually tasting it in the mind, then fully succumbing to the idea of eating. The walk to the fridge, the preparation of the food, listening for footsteps, taking a bite on the way back to the safe cocoon. Then, lost in the eating, licking the fingers, then relaxing deeply when all has been accomplished. All is a part of the ritual. )
There is an acceleration of body sensations as my mind travels from the low conversation of the television program to what I would like to eat. The balanced part of my mind reminds me that I've brushed & flossed my teeth.
My childSelf couldn't care less. "You can do it again" she says with conviction. "After all, you will get to eat now & then you will sleep deeply."
My balanced Self counters, "you will wake up in the morning feeling sick."
The childSelf is now up for the battle, "oh, you will not. Only certain foods do that to you & you won't eat those."
( Behind the Scene Notes - the choosing of the food is very important. The mind reviews the cupboards & fridge, actually tasting them in the mind, then feeling what sort of response will follow. This includes the immediate gratification as well as the "after response." Questions as to the teeth issues, the morning after issues & if any level of sleep will be interrupted by the particular food. The Self is expert at this. Each part of the ritual makes it more powerful, not only in this moment, but in future moments. )
I don't have to eat much for the ritual to be effective. It's almost as if the ritual puts me to sleep, rather than the food. If I choose not to engage in the ritual the childSelf can threaten.
"You will not be able to go to sleep if you don't cooperate & eat. If you fall asleep, you will not stay asleep. Then, it will be TOO LATE to do anything about it."
Oh, my childSelf & this compulsive ritual is very intriguing. Just watching it with an open mind leads me to a better understanding of all of my compulsions. Tonight I decide not to entertain it at all. I don't silence or mute it, but let it play out as I observe it. It's worse than watching a horror movie in the middle of the night. My body is in very high response. I find this very interesting, but still don't move, relaxing into the meditation chair. My breath has changed as I defy it. "Go ahead" I tell it. "Show yourself to me."
The childSelf is furious. My body is almost leaving the chair now, but the Higher Part of Me places my fingers on my lower abdomen. "Deeper down...relaxing...breath opening." My Power is returning, but I feel the fragility of my Self. I know that I need to feel this because only then will I be capable to meet this in the future without the same disability, for indeed, my compulsions are disabilities. I am dis-able to stay in my Power.
I feel the exhaustion in my body & mind, but I fall asleep in the recliner. Another night has passed and I am de-programming myself from this very old compulsion. I sense my freedom...
Last night I had a huge moment with one of my most prominent disorderly eating compulsions. I don't remember noticing this one while on the train ride, but of course, not everything was consciously present. While I'm very familiar with this compulsion, last night it was somewhat different, as if a big light was showing me details that I had missed before. The compulsion begins when the scene is set, and not a moment before. I have a special recliner in the guest room where there is a TV. This particular recliner had a past life in my hypnotherapy office, so it has some "relax energy" installed, or so my creative mind believes.
The scene begins to play out...around eleven I head for the recliner. No lights in the room. I'm alone in this part of the house. My husband is secured back in the bedroom reading. My subconscious mind childSelf reminds me that he never comes back out once he goes to there. She is obviously my accomplice.
( Behind the Scene Notes - the Self loves to be in this quiet & safe cocoon where she can put food it her mouth & feel the supreme joy. The joy actually begins at the moment of deciding what food to eat, actually tasting it in the mind, then fully succumbing to the idea of eating. The walk to the fridge, the preparation of the food, listening for footsteps, taking a bite on the way back to the safe cocoon. Then, lost in the eating, licking the fingers, then relaxing deeply when all has been accomplished. All is a part of the ritual. )
There is an acceleration of body sensations as my mind travels from the low conversation of the television program to what I would like to eat. The balanced part of my mind reminds me that I've brushed & flossed my teeth.
My childSelf couldn't care less. "You can do it again" she says with conviction. "After all, you will get to eat now & then you will sleep deeply."
My balanced Self counters, "you will wake up in the morning feeling sick."
The childSelf is now up for the battle, "oh, you will not. Only certain foods do that to you & you won't eat those."
( Behind the Scene Notes - the choosing of the food is very important. The mind reviews the cupboards & fridge, actually tasting them in the mind, then feeling what sort of response will follow. This includes the immediate gratification as well as the "after response." Questions as to the teeth issues, the morning after issues & if any level of sleep will be interrupted by the particular food. The Self is expert at this. Each part of the ritual makes it more powerful, not only in this moment, but in future moments. )
I don't have to eat much for the ritual to be effective. It's almost as if the ritual puts me to sleep, rather than the food. If I choose not to engage in the ritual the childSelf can threaten.
"You will not be able to go to sleep if you don't cooperate & eat. If you fall asleep, you will not stay asleep. Then, it will be TOO LATE to do anything about it."
Oh, my childSelf & this compulsive ritual is very intriguing. Just watching it with an open mind leads me to a better understanding of all of my compulsions. Tonight I decide not to entertain it at all. I don't silence or mute it, but let it play out as I observe it. It's worse than watching a horror movie in the middle of the night. My body is in very high response. I find this very interesting, but still don't move, relaxing into the meditation chair. My breath has changed as I defy it. "Go ahead" I tell it. "Show yourself to me."
The childSelf is furious. My body is almost leaving the chair now, but the Higher Part of Me places my fingers on my lower abdomen. "Deeper down...relaxing...breath opening." My Power is returning, but I feel the fragility of my Self. I know that I need to feel this because only then will I be capable to meet this in the future without the same disability, for indeed, my compulsions are disabilities. I am dis-able to stay in my Power.
I feel the exhaustion in my body & mind, but I fall asleep in the recliner. Another night has passed and I am de-programming myself from this very old compulsion. I sense my freedom...
Saturday, December 04, 2010
Ten Fingers Riding
Sitting in my meditation chair, happy to be here. Life is such an on-going merry go round for me. I complain, yet I stay on the ride, holding on tightly to the horse's neck, watching the world outside of myself just sit there while I speed by, hardly able to breathe.
The truth is that I like this way of being, or do I? Is this just an idea I sell myself because I don't want to look at the way I run my life? This has been an ongoing question for many decades. Just writing that makes me wince. How can anyone be asking the same question for decades? What does that say about me?
My Journal Master jumps in. "Ignoring or the head in the sand technique is very popular."
"But," I insist, "is it really necessary to ask the question? Why can't I just accept that this is the way I am, that this is what I like, and just be done with it?"
Journal Master..."Here comes the train."
Yes, we are at the train station. There are two train tracks. One train goes back to the past, the other goes forward into the future. The only train in the station is the one that goes back, so I'm assuming there is a reason for not giving me a choice.
I get on the train, wondering how far we need to go back to find the origination of my compulsions and the secrets they hold. I'm surprised to find other passengers sitting in the first class car. There are my fingers with bandaids on some of the cuticles. I notice a group of eating issue compulsions including car eating, evening and night eating, junk shopping, the rep from fast food, and the most powerful binge and secret eating parts. Other compulsions sit on the left side of the car. These are old, many forgotten, but they are here anyway. The loudest one is my work compulsion who is debating her strengths with my need to be the winner Self.
I ask my Journal Master. "Why are they here?"
The answer, "Who knows better than them? Do you have a problem facing them?"
No, I don't. For many years I've invited them out of hiding, even sharing them with my patients. I always believed that it helped others to know that I truly understand the battles. So, if they need to be here for me, I'm comfortable with that.
The train starts and picks up speed, going way back, almost to the beginning. This surprises me because how young could I have possibly been when all of this started.
Journal Master..."We return to the beginning of pleasure, for that is the purpose of each individual in the train car. Feeling uncomfortable was not acceptable to the baby, so something was always given to sooth the complaining child. Look out the window and watch how this was accomplished by those in your family. So many people in attendance. The baby must not cry, squirm or show any sign of being uncomfortable. But, of course, after awhile pacifiers, bottles of milk, rocking and stroking were no longer available. So, what's a growing baby to do?
As you became older, you never wanted or were taught that it was OK to feel unpleasant emotions, nor how to diminish them. Something external was always needed. As stressors were added, more external devices needed to be located and made available. You had many teachers who helped you to find these things. You observed your friends, family members and the public. Teachers always abound. Then, there are others who join your group. No shortage of disorderly eaters, compulsive shoppers, alcoholics, drug addicts, or anything else. It feels good not to be alone. The world is full of addicts and enablers. So, even if you are physically alone, you are joined at the hip by the world's addicts."
I ask, "So, they all have a purpose and that purpose is noble even though it can hurt me?"
"Yes, the problem is not the compulsion or addiction, but the stress that it is asked to manage. While many of the compulsions are not healthy, that is not the issue. It's all about the developing and storing of the stress. Your release mechanisms haven't been healthy. You've been focusing on the wrong thing and that has caused the problems, for there will always be stress, just as the young baby demonstrated."
As we ride along the time-line certain areas light up, indicating high stress. Some areas are brighter than others. The baby's stress was simple, but high to the baby. The compulsions or addictions are getting off the train at different stops. I can notice the stress lights and also remember the particular things that were happening in my life at those times. Some are seminal events like death of my father and grandmother. Others are also bright, probably unnoticed by anyone but me for I didn't have an engaged mother or family. Things that might have been helped through balanced family relationships were not, leaving me to find some sort of external means of release. These then developed into habits or compulsive needs for letting go or relaxing. That's why the body tension becomes so huge and the need to engage with one of my train members becomes vital, for the release of stress is "vital." Stress can kill.
I look at those passengers that remain in the train as I come nearer to where I am now on my time line. Of course...most of the addictions or compulsions have gotten off. I'm left with the fingers and some vestiges of my disorderly eating, mostly secret in origin. I have less choice now, so the ones that are present appear to have worsened.
It's clear to me what must be done before heading for the future time-line train...
The truth is that I like this way of being, or do I? Is this just an idea I sell myself because I don't want to look at the way I run my life? This has been an ongoing question for many decades. Just writing that makes me wince. How can anyone be asking the same question for decades? What does that say about me?
My Journal Master jumps in. "Ignoring or the head in the sand technique is very popular."
"But," I insist, "is it really necessary to ask the question? Why can't I just accept that this is the way I am, that this is what I like, and just be done with it?"
Journal Master..."Here comes the train."
Yes, we are at the train station. There are two train tracks. One train goes back to the past, the other goes forward into the future. The only train in the station is the one that goes back, so I'm assuming there is a reason for not giving me a choice.
I get on the train, wondering how far we need to go back to find the origination of my compulsions and the secrets they hold. I'm surprised to find other passengers sitting in the first class car. There are my fingers with bandaids on some of the cuticles. I notice a group of eating issue compulsions including car eating, evening and night eating, junk shopping, the rep from fast food, and the most powerful binge and secret eating parts. Other compulsions sit on the left side of the car. These are old, many forgotten, but they are here anyway. The loudest one is my work compulsion who is debating her strengths with my need to be the winner Self.
I ask my Journal Master. "Why are they here?"
The answer, "Who knows better than them? Do you have a problem facing them?"
No, I don't. For many years I've invited them out of hiding, even sharing them with my patients. I always believed that it helped others to know that I truly understand the battles. So, if they need to be here for me, I'm comfortable with that.
The train starts and picks up speed, going way back, almost to the beginning. This surprises me because how young could I have possibly been when all of this started.
Journal Master..."We return to the beginning of pleasure, for that is the purpose of each individual in the train car. Feeling uncomfortable was not acceptable to the baby, so something was always given to sooth the complaining child. Look out the window and watch how this was accomplished by those in your family. So many people in attendance. The baby must not cry, squirm or show any sign of being uncomfortable. But, of course, after awhile pacifiers, bottles of milk, rocking and stroking were no longer available. So, what's a growing baby to do?
As you became older, you never wanted or were taught that it was OK to feel unpleasant emotions, nor how to diminish them. Something external was always needed. As stressors were added, more external devices needed to be located and made available. You had many teachers who helped you to find these things. You observed your friends, family members and the public. Teachers always abound. Then, there are others who join your group. No shortage of disorderly eaters, compulsive shoppers, alcoholics, drug addicts, or anything else. It feels good not to be alone. The world is full of addicts and enablers. So, even if you are physically alone, you are joined at the hip by the world's addicts."
I ask, "So, they all have a purpose and that purpose is noble even though it can hurt me?"
"Yes, the problem is not the compulsion or addiction, but the stress that it is asked to manage. While many of the compulsions are not healthy, that is not the issue. It's all about the developing and storing of the stress. Your release mechanisms haven't been healthy. You've been focusing on the wrong thing and that has caused the problems, for there will always be stress, just as the young baby demonstrated."
As we ride along the time-line certain areas light up, indicating high stress. Some areas are brighter than others. The baby's stress was simple, but high to the baby. The compulsions or addictions are getting off the train at different stops. I can notice the stress lights and also remember the particular things that were happening in my life at those times. Some are seminal events like death of my father and grandmother. Others are also bright, probably unnoticed by anyone but me for I didn't have an engaged mother or family. Things that might have been helped through balanced family relationships were not, leaving me to find some sort of external means of release. These then developed into habits or compulsive needs for letting go or relaxing. That's why the body tension becomes so huge and the need to engage with one of my train members becomes vital, for the release of stress is "vital." Stress can kill.
I look at those passengers that remain in the train as I come nearer to where I am now on my time line. Of course...most of the addictions or compulsions have gotten off. I'm left with the fingers and some vestiges of my disorderly eating, mostly secret in origin. I have less choice now, so the ones that are present appear to have worsened.
It's clear to me what must be done before heading for the future time-line train...
Friday, December 03, 2010
Ten Fingers Leading
My Journal Master greets me before I even sit down. I'm under the impression that something very important is going to be shared today. I have mixed emotions, both excited and frightened because important things mean that something is going to change. It has to. I cannot be made aware and not change. Just knowing something means that a door has been opened and that whatever is behind it is no longer hidden.
I remember that the "talking fingers" told me that they would show me how they are connected to my eating and other compulsive issues. I'm worried that this connection may make it impossible for me to manage any of them, because when things are too big, then they are unmanageable.
"Just stop. You are already planning to fail. And, you know very well that when you plan to fail, that's just what you'll will do, then blaming it on whatever is convenient."
Having an active Journal Master is like living with one's coach. I can't get away with anything, not even a thought or some jotting on a piece of paper.
"Why would you want to get away with anything? I would have thought that you were past that childish behavior? So, I say to you, "grow up and get on with it. It's time to leave the pram and get on with your life issues. If not now, when?"
Yes, something important is going to happen today. My ten fingers are stretched out before me. Goodness, I'd better not tell anyone that I'm having an ongoing conversation with my fingers! But, then again, why not? Body parts are living and they don't get to make choices on their own. As I think this through, what finger would actually ask another finger to pick it's cuticle or pull off it's nail that it took so much time to grow? So, this has nothing to do with the fingers. They are the victims in all of this and I do want to know what they know, because they are in touch with other parts of "me" that are doing this to them. Oh...now they are making sense. That in itself is a bit frightening to me. I'm thinking that if they can talk to me, what about my other parts? Does my stomach have something to say about the food I ate yesterday?
One finger has been designated the spokesperson. It's number #3, the one I've picked on for years. I'm embarrassed to face this particular finger, for I have no idea why #3 has been my finger of choice. I'm actually surprised that it speaks to me in a kind, compassionate voice. If someone had picked on me for years, I would hardly be willingly to be helpful.
#3 speaks..."There is always a benefit for a behavior. Habits are simply repeated behaviors, but always having a benefit. You know that you don't pick continuously. In fact there are years when you never picked. Remember? If you look back, in those years your "use of compulsive behaviors" was almost nil. While you have a history or arsenal of compulsions to choose from, you only use them when you need them. If you look back over different segments of your life, your time-line, match up your highest use of compulsions with what was happening during those times. Then you can enter those areas hypnotically and gather important information that will allow you to re-program the history of compulsion use."
I ask #3, "If something has past, how can it be re-programmed?"
My Journal Master steps in. "Everything, past, present or future can be programmed or re-programmed. That's the way the subconscious mind works. Think of it as an editing process. You write a book. The words are there. Then, you go back and change the words. The book is changed or edited. When you read the book, you read the edited version. Your reactions are based on that version. It's the same with other mind programs. While many of your compulsive programs are heavily etched in your subconscious mind, you can still re-edit them. It may take a bit more time, but it is possible. Remember, first you must locate what you choose to re-edit. In the past you didn't do that, but used a strong discipline. While you are a good disciplinarian, that is not the best way to change because you falter when stress rises and the going gets tough."
I begin to think now. It would be best to meditate on all of this. Once relaxed, I'm going to travel my time-line, looking for the high compulsion areas and the connected life experiences. I'd like to gather these before entering the areas. Somehow I believe that will be easier. Perhaps then, one will heal another more quickly. Yes, this seems to be the right choice. I know this because my body and breath change with the arrival of the idea.
I thank #3 and the other seven. I'm going to my meditation chair now.
I remember that the "talking fingers" told me that they would show me how they are connected to my eating and other compulsive issues. I'm worried that this connection may make it impossible for me to manage any of them, because when things are too big, then they are unmanageable.
"Just stop. You are already planning to fail. And, you know very well that when you plan to fail, that's just what you'll will do, then blaming it on whatever is convenient."
Having an active Journal Master is like living with one's coach. I can't get away with anything, not even a thought or some jotting on a piece of paper.
"Why would you want to get away with anything? I would have thought that you were past that childish behavior? So, I say to you, "grow up and get on with it. It's time to leave the pram and get on with your life issues. If not now, when?"
Yes, something important is going to happen today. My ten fingers are stretched out before me. Goodness, I'd better not tell anyone that I'm having an ongoing conversation with my fingers! But, then again, why not? Body parts are living and they don't get to make choices on their own. As I think this through, what finger would actually ask another finger to pick it's cuticle or pull off it's nail that it took so much time to grow? So, this has nothing to do with the fingers. They are the victims in all of this and I do want to know what they know, because they are in touch with other parts of "me" that are doing this to them. Oh...now they are making sense. That in itself is a bit frightening to me. I'm thinking that if they can talk to me, what about my other parts? Does my stomach have something to say about the food I ate yesterday?
One finger has been designated the spokesperson. It's number #3, the one I've picked on for years. I'm embarrassed to face this particular finger, for I have no idea why #3 has been my finger of choice. I'm actually surprised that it speaks to me in a kind, compassionate voice. If someone had picked on me for years, I would hardly be willingly to be helpful.
#3 speaks..."There is always a benefit for a behavior. Habits are simply repeated behaviors, but always having a benefit. You know that you don't pick continuously. In fact there are years when you never picked. Remember? If you look back, in those years your "use of compulsive behaviors" was almost nil. While you have a history or arsenal of compulsions to choose from, you only use them when you need them. If you look back over different segments of your life, your time-line, match up your highest use of compulsions with what was happening during those times. Then you can enter those areas hypnotically and gather important information that will allow you to re-program the history of compulsion use."
I ask #3, "If something has past, how can it be re-programmed?"
My Journal Master steps in. "Everything, past, present or future can be programmed or re-programmed. That's the way the subconscious mind works. Think of it as an editing process. You write a book. The words are there. Then, you go back and change the words. The book is changed or edited. When you read the book, you read the edited version. Your reactions are based on that version. It's the same with other mind programs. While many of your compulsive programs are heavily etched in your subconscious mind, you can still re-edit them. It may take a bit more time, but it is possible. Remember, first you must locate what you choose to re-edit. In the past you didn't do that, but used a strong discipline. While you are a good disciplinarian, that is not the best way to change because you falter when stress rises and the going gets tough."
I begin to think now. It would be best to meditate on all of this. Once relaxed, I'm going to travel my time-line, looking for the high compulsion areas and the connected life experiences. I'd like to gather these before entering the areas. Somehow I believe that will be easier. Perhaps then, one will heal another more quickly. Yes, this seems to be the right choice. I know this because my body and breath change with the arrival of the idea.
I thank #3 and the other seven. I'm going to my meditation chair now.
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