As we continue to work inside our Automatic Writing Journal, the subconscious mind becomes more giving, now understanding what it is that we need & why we need it. It's important to understand that both the mind & body want to be in homeostasis or balance. The secrets, even though they may seem negative in nature, were formed for the purpose of bringing this balance. The two little girls who shared their secret in the last two blogs, desperately needed the components of their secret to stay safe, for there was no Therapeutic or balanced parent figure available to them.
As they became older, the secret formed a natural part of their life & so it was normal to pass it on to their older Selves. Secrets & other patterned habits or behaviors take on lives of their own, often clearing their own paths & planting new growth, be it positive or negative. Knowing this gives us many options for healing, for there is no need to try destroy or alienate the secret or behavior. Instead, we want to take over the leadership, transmuting it's powerful creativity & energy & aiming it at health & wellness. Truth be known, it is never possible to disengage a very established pattern & simply get rid of it. That would be like locking an uncontrollable child in the closet & thinking that the child's behavior would change once you open the door. Of course, the child who emerges will simply be more unbalanced than before the lock-up.
I've invited readers to step inside my own personal disorderly eating journal & right now we are sharing a subconscious mind experience with two of my early children who have brought their "early editions" of the big secret forward. We have entered a meditative trance state & are now ready to utilize the journal for accessing the inner walls of the secret. But first...
A NOTE TO NEW READERS:
This experiential blog/workshop is based on my new book, "How Many Cookies Will It Take to Make Me Happy?" If you are new to my writing, you might want to read the earlier mini-chapters. They are available on FaceBook, The PublishersMarketPlace & at the following link. Remember to scan down to find the earliest chapters & work your way up. http://beyonddisorderlyeating.blogspot.com/
A bit of background.... we are working with creative Interactive Self-Hypnosis imagery, planting suggestions directly into the creative subconscious mind as you read along. What appears like a story is a series of self-hypnotic sessions, designed to bring about desired lifestyle changes. The inner mind is creative & rather child-like, loving to play with images, especially when they are emotionalized. Just like the saying, "a picture is worth a thousand words", well-planted mind images, can be worth hours of therapy. We can actually change or motivate in 1/200th of a second. So come along & look forward to some lifestyle-changing events.
JOURNAL SPEAK ENTRY 1991
I take the children's hands & head for the door that houses the secret. The doorknob is well-worn & this saddens me. The big "IF"....if I had come to this area sooner, my past Selves would have had a better life experience, but I'm here now & so I'm grateful for that. I check on my own energy level & can feel the confidence & power of my Therapeutic & Higher Selves. Just like monsters under the bed, I'm no longer the child, but a mature adult, knowing I can take care of this. As we step inside, the clutter is overwhelming, rather like a child's room that had never been cleaned & organized. It gives me the impression that no one has ever been in charge here & the room is begging for help. There are no monsters here, just a lack of joy & peace. Someone is coming towards me, introducing herSelf as the part of me in charge of the secret. She is quite lovely, but desheveled, as if she had no time to take care of her person. She tells me that she's been waiting for me, as if she'd only been waiting since yesterday, instead of decades. There is no anger or distrust, just relief that I've finally come to take charge.
I'm led to the wall where pictures are displayed. I recognize some of them, but others I had long forgotten, but now realize how connected they are to the secret & my eating issues. They have supported this room for years & now need to be taken down, for they are no longer needed. I had never realized that I was the only one who could do this. In the past, I looked to other family members & friends to energize me to take control of my life, never succeeding & always left wondering. Now it's clear. Boxes have appeared & I take the pictures down, packing them away. My Father's death, my Mother's depression, my inability to share my inner pain, my low self-image & esteem that went on & on, no date for the prom, boyfriends who abandoned, images of masks worn by my teenage & young adult selves, images representing insecurity & sadness, so many even traveling through yesterday, the secret so alive, yet dead.
I clean & clear, opening areas that had been ignored for most of my life. The woman of the secret is very helpful & for this I'm grateful. No monsters live here....just beautiful children & adults, patiently waiting for me to be self-responsible & mature. Healing is happening now...
Copyright 2009 Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht
May not be copied or reproduced without permission of the author.
Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht is author of Sugar...the Hidden Eating Disorder & How to Lick It. She is also the writer/producer of over 350 mp3/CD programs in the areas of medicine, health, prevention, addictions, self-development & sports for adults & children.
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