As I entered the Foodie Ritual Area I was surprised at the level of detail that had been developed over the years. My addictive childSelf was willing to show me the deepest elements, those that were the seedlings for the rather complicated working ritual that was now in place. I had some rememberance of the seedlings, but not all of them. Being able to visit them in self-hypnosis truly touched my heart. I can remember my early child, but being able to feel the deep emotions, truly opened my heart, allowing a pouring of sadness to release. I could feel the pressure before the release & that did frighten me for a moment, but the Higher Part of me was present, encouraging me to just let it flow & so I did. The untimely & surprising death of my father & the shock that separated my mother from me, had to be interpreted by a three year old child, who had no other support. The childSelf I was invited to enter was frightened, confused, anxious & very disturbed.
There was no point of reference for her to grab hold of & so the emotions were raw & scary, especially as more people arrived at the funeral that was held in the home. Visitors hugged her, while crying & screaming. The addictive childSelf took me to a little "nest-like" place, a uterus of sorts. Inside the nest were pacifier cookies & candies, some provided to the child & others secretly taken from the mourning table. These were especially addictive, for they combined mourning with sugar treats. This was to continue throughout her childLife & even into her adultLife. The "nest-like" place took many different forms, mostly hiding places that were closed in & secret....the car, closets, corners of rooms, the attic, basement & behind certain bushes & trees.
As the childSelf grew, the nest became more & more useful for releasing emotions, especially those related to insecurity, emotional & physical pain & critical emotions. Physical pain was also invited because it made it easier for emotional pain to be expressed. This pain announced itself in multiple body aches, headaches, tightness & weakness, always accompanied by fear. Sometimes the childSelf binged, almost inviting the pain to appear, as if it's presence would fill the void. The kinds of foods were mainly unhealthy, the amounts huge. At times there was an acutal fear of the foods, the Self realizing the danger of what was about to happen. That fear could even start in the supermarket as the foods jumped into the shopping cart. There was also fear of body sensations, believing them to be a hidden illness that then connected itself to fear of death & dying, bringing the nest back to it's original purpose. As the child grew older, the insecurities also grew, for there was no parent figure to help the child find her way back to balance. In fact, others thought the child was very well adjusted, for she hid everything very well & the nest, even though more complicated, was a deep secret. Even though she was very afraid of illness & accidents, she entered the health care field, as if defying the original fear, but the eating issues worsened & the secret was forced to become further submerged.
Before I go ahead & share some of the therapeutic techiques I utilized for mySelf & taught to others like me, I'd like to welcome new readers...
A NOTE TO NEW READERS:
This experiential blog/workshop is based on my new book, "How Many Cookies Will It Take to Make Me Happy?" If you are new to my writing, you might want to read the earlier mini-chapters. They are available on FaceBook, The PublishersMarketPlace & at the following link. Remember to scan down to find the earliest chapters & work your way up. http://beyonddisorderlyeating.blogspot.com/
A bit of background.... we are working with creative Interactive Self-Hypnosis imagery, planting suggestions directly into the creative subconscious mind as you read along. What appears like a story is a series of self-hypnotic sessions, designed to bring about desired lifestyle changes. The inner mind is creative & rather child-like, loving to play with images, especially when they are emotionalized. Just like the saying, "a picture is worth a thousand words", well-planted mind images, can be worth hours of therapy. We can actually change or motivate in 1/200th of a second. So come along & look forward to some lifestyle-changing events.
INSIDE THE NEST
Disassembling the old ritual & the nest in it's present form was going to be necessary. Releasing on food was no longer possible, as I was heading towards the door of adult onset diabetes. I was already hypoglycemic, the frightening symptoms causing me to run to the nest, but I was already aware that the food was taking me even nearer to the killer diseases, so this was no longer workable. Awareness is a powerful tool, especially if it is utilized in a very deep relaxed state. That means, below the conscious level, where the brain waves are slower & the stress chemicals aren't being produced. For me, this meant learning a special kind of meditation, one that could be practiced "in the moment." As I learned to be a close observer of mySelf, I was shocked at the levels of stress I produced & stored in my body. No wonder I kept my ritual close by my side & always knew where to find my portable "nest."
Managing my thoughts was paramount to re-defining my ritual. I realized that I truly needed a ritual, but one that was very different from the one I had since childhood. Of course, my childSelf was not happy, but interestingly enough, that unhappiness passed very quickly, once I made it clear that I was now in charge. I believe that the childSelf was relieved at finally having a mature ParentSelf. In the next blog I'll invite you to visit the interior of my new ritual habitat.
Copyright 2009 Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht
May not be copied or reproduced without permission of the author.
Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht is author of Sugar...the Hidden Eating Disorder & How to Lick It. She is also the writer/producer of over 350 mp3/CD programs in the areas of medicine, health, prevention, addictions, self-development & sports for adults & children.
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