Once I decided to recover from my disorderly issues, my own subconscious mind began showing me an array of things that truly needed to be addressed. I came to know that there was a very big part of me that was hidden, not only from others, but even from mySelf. This part is what I now know as my Addictive childSelf. Although she was always present, she stayed behind the scenes where she was easily ignored & certainly I hid her from others. Being absent from view, you might think that this would have weakened her effect on me, but all this hiding seemed to enhance my anger, guilt & shame, making her even more powerful. My relationship with her was two-faced, for I loved & dispised her at the same time. I imagined her as a pitiful, sad little messy child harboring a dirty face & unkept hair, someone only a mother could love. I wanted to keep her locked up because her behaviors were embarrassing. I was actually fearful that others would come to know this hidden part of me, causing me to lose respect. It took quite a bit of energy to keep her locked away & so I was forced to live behind a pretense mask, presenting me as a balanced professional in all aspects of my life. I tried very hard not to look in the mirror, because this unruly part of me could be seen peering out. She would not let me forget her.
You may wonder how it is possible to hide a part of yourSelf, but it is possible & perhaps you have had your own experience with a part of you that lives behind your scenes. However, in recovery it is so important to become completely "authentic" or whole if you are going to heal. I'm convinced that the Key to managing disorderly eating is not about scale weight, but about being authentic & whole. Living in a relaxed mind & body, sensing your own power, being real, loving yourSelf is all connected to living a healthy, balanced lifestyle. There is no longer a need for compulsive or emotional eating. As the Self comes together in wholeness, there are no more parts hiding behind the bushes, waiting to jump out & be disruptive. Life can be a peaceful journey.
So, we know that this is what we want, but how do we get there? What happens to the disorderly childSelf? In my own recovery I came to understand that the part of me that I was hiding was going to be instrumental in my healing process. I needed her by my side, for she was going to be my catalyst for change. But first, I must bring her out of hiding, ask her forgiveness & promise her unconditional love, for truly she has done nothing wrong. She is simply part of my childSelf who was left on her own with no discipline & no emotional management. As I came to know her, I noticed she resembled my early childSelf, who grew up in a dysfunctional home & carried the very same characteristics. She also carried the heart of my eating issues, for her addiction was her panacea & because she was so needy, she actually became very good at what she needed to do.
Uncanny, but true, the addictive child at my side was perhaps the most powerful part of my being. She would now become whole, transmuting what was negative energy into a positive power source. I'll share some of my hypnotic work in this regard, but before that...
A NOTE TO NEW READERS:
This experiential blog/workshop is based on my new book, "How Many Cookies Will It Take to Make Me Happy?" If you are new to my writing, you might want to read the earlier mini-chapters. They are available on FaceBook, The PublishersMarketPlace & at the following link. Remember to scan down to find the earliest chapters & work your way up. http://beyonddisorderlyeating.blogspot.com/
A bit of background.... we are working with creative Interactive Self-Hypnosis imagery, planting suggestions directly into the creative subconscious mind as you read along. What appears like a story is a series of self-hypnotic sessions, designed to bring about desired lifestyle changes. The inner mind is creative & rather child-like, loving to play with images, especially when they are emotionalized. Just like the saying, "a picture is worth a thousand words", well-planted mind images, can be worth hours of therapy. We can actually change or motivate in 1/200th of a second. So come along & look forward to some lifestyle-changing events.
RE-DRESSING THE ADDICTIVE CHILD SELF
Just the idea of not hiding a part of me turned out to be a very freeing experience. Now, I didn't stand on the rooftop & scream out my truth, but I no longer pretended that I was something I was not. I remember the first time I shared some of my dark secrets with my patients & then with my family. By this time, I had been re-establishing my own relationship with my addictive childSelf. I did this mainly through self-hypnotic & meditative channels, but also through automatic journaling. This was a very interesting experience, for the childSelf brought other areas to my attention, things that I never considered being connected to my eating issues. Some of these included areas of my personal life that I had ignored, such as the state of affairs in my clothes closet of all things. In fact, there was plenty of disorder in my life & as I began to see with more clarity through the eyes of this part of me, I came to realize how asleep I've been & for so long.
The child had plenty of complaints as to her own dress & personal appearance. Since she was no longer hidden, it was time to bring some changes to her as well. I soon came to see that these were not just her issues, but mine, for indeed I had closed my eyes in this area as well. Together we cleaned house, made a shopping list, as well as a list of other things that had been missing from our life experience for so long. Yes, disciplines were needed & we worked on these together. I found that she was cooperative & willing to try new things, but she didn't appreciate being pushed into the background without her needs taken into consideration. Some things that were missing had to do with play & some old childhood experiences that were no longer in sight. All of this came forth in our journaling together.
The wisdom of this part of me was a surprise....but why shouldn't she be wise? After all, she'd been around for quite awhile & had witnessed many things from her hiding place...
Copyright 2009 Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht
May not be copied or reproduced without permission of the author.
Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht is author of Sugar...the Hidden Eating Disorder & How to Lick It. She is also the writer/producer of over 350 mp3/CD programs in the areas of medicine, health, prevention, addictions, self-development & sports for adults & children.
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