Reality usually hits hard. You are told that you have to change your lifestyle behaviors, or else. Then comes the streaming thought responses from the childSelf, who you might misinterpret as the mature Self, but it is not. Here it goes...fighting, squirming, defending, demanding, foot stomping..." I can't do this. I don't want to do this. I will not do this." Meeting up with the out of control childSelf, especially in the face of a serious medical diagnosis, is very frightening. While this part of you is not a stranger, this time it is more sinister because it is determined to block you from lifestyle changes that may decide if you live or die. I know what this feels like & I'd like to share how I went about managing to save mySelf.
There will be a time in life when you end up" inside the vice." It may be about food, an addiction, a relationship issue or something else. My time was back in 1988 & if I plug into that memory, I can still feel the fear, not only of my impending medical diagnosis, but the fear of my own inner Self. At that time I hadn't separated my mature Self from the immature Child & so the fear was even more intense. I was completely alone without anyone who could control me. My childSelf made that abundantly clear. Not only was I not capable of change, it simply wouldn't be allowed.
The image of a "vice" works well to underscore the issues. The vice is often put in place by the medical doctor, or sometimes by others. Rarely is it placed by the Self. Even the mature Self would have difficulty putting the vice in place, even though one may try, the reason being that the childSelf is so powerful & has learned over the years, that if it fusses enough, the mature Self will relent. Everyone who has ever tried to stop an addiction or a particular negative-based behavior knows what I'm saying here. No matter what the circumstances, you may or may not be prepared for it & in most cases, you will not be prepared. It's not that you are blind. I certainly wasn't. In the back of my mind I knew that one day my unhealthy behaviors would catch up with me, but just like any addict, I simply pushed this idea aside & continued to do what I wanted to do....stuff cookies & chocolate peanut butter ice cream.
So what is the "vice"? It is a powerful metaphor for the moment when we are held tight & forced to face our reality. If we want to live a healthy existence, we have to stop doing what we have been doing & that may be one thing or a bundle of things. In my case, the bundle consisted of just about everything related to food. I started to bargain...I would be willing to change a thing or two, but not all of them. This seemed reasonable. After all, don't most doctors blow things up? Of course, this was my addiction chatting me up, just as it always did in the past. Even in the face of impending doom, there it was, taking the lighthearted route. Lucky for me, my mature Self, knew what had to happen, even through the huge wall of fear that immediately built itself in front of me had other ideas.
Moving through or over gigantic fear needs some special tools, but before I share these with you...
A NOTE TO NEW READERS:
This experiential blog/workshop is based on my new book, "How Many Cookies Will It Take to Make Me Happy?" If you are new to my writing, you might want to read the earlier mini-chapters. They are available on FaceBook, The PublishersMarketPlace & at the following link. Remember to scan down to find the earliest chapters & work your way up. http://beyonddisorderlyeating.blogspot.com/
A bit of background.... we are working with creative Interactive Self-Hypnosis imagery, planting suggestions directly into the creative subconscious mind as you read along. What appears like a story is a series of self-hypnotic sessions, designed to bring about desired lifestyle changes. The inner mind is creative & rather child-like, loving to play with images, especially when they are emotionalized. Just like the saying, "a picture is worth a thousand words", well-planted mind images, can be worth hours of therapy. We can actually change or motivate in 1/200th of a second. So come along & look forward to some lifestyle-changing events.
THE PRESSURE VICE & FACING FEAR
If you are following my writing, you already know many of the tools that I've used for my own recovery, as well as for my patients & students. This particular moment in time happened before I had designed most of my tools & so I felt very alone & frightened by the intensity of what I came to know as my childSelf. However, being a nurse educator, I knew about diabetes & the other diseases that can accompany it & those formed what is called a "negative motivator." In my case, a" huge" negative motivator. I remember sitting still for a long period of time, not purposefully meditating, but the results from being quiet were meditative in quality. Something inside me awakened. I could call it a spiritual awakening, but for me at that time, it was an organized call to action. I stood up, walked into the kitchen as a different person & nothing was the same from that moment forward. The "vice" had done it's job. It was like everything else, including the harange in my head, moved back from me. In that moment I could feel my power & I would be returning to this moment in time, over & over again in the future, for this power doesn't stay still....it wanes, but can be reinstated. This was one thing I learned that evening.
As I looked around, it was as if I were a stranger visiting my own home & my own Self. This is called disassociation & while I utilized this technique in helping patients, I never employed it with mySelf, or at least not to this degree. I had stepped outside of mySelf & my home & could see things with great clarity. It was not a pretty sight. The disorganization was evident & it was everywhere. Ever cupboard, every drawer, every wall, every everything. My home was a living example of my own self-care. It was cluttered & I was absent, just as if I were absent from school. I was simply not in attendance. I found it very interesting that the "vice" took me to see the disorganization through the living metaphor of my home & in this way, enlightened me about the necessity to clean & clear. The planning, the organization & the actions I was instructed to take would change my life completely. And what about the Wall of fear? I completely forgot about it & in so doing, it diminished on it's own. I was no longer alone. I was now in attendance with the Higher parts of mySelf.
Copyright 2009 Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht
May not be copied or reproduced without permission of the author.
Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht is author of Sugar...the Hidden Eating Disorder & How to Lick It. She is also the writer/producer of over 350 mp3/CD programs in the areas of medicine, health, prevention, addictions, self-development & sports for adults & children.
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