We occupy this thing called life & while we share our experience with millions of others, the following affirmation sums it up for me. I repeat it in the second person, for I sense my Higher Self directing me to think in this way. "You were born alone & will die alone. The space in-between these two events belongs only to you & you alone. You, alone, are the writer, producer & director of your life."
While this sounds rather simplistic, like many compulsive/emotional eaters, I have a long history of being co-dependent, meaning that my life was tightly wound around the lives of others around me. I remember thinking that if my mother or husband died, I wouldn't be able to stand up on my own & would simply fall into the grave with them. Now, that is co-dependency! However, in the secret eating part of my life I came first & that is why my eating was coupled with solitude, either alone in the car, in a dark movie theater, or in the middle of the night. After I heard this particular affirmation, I became very interested in exploring the idea regarding the time between being born & dying & learning that it belonged to me. I honestly don't know who I thought it belonged to, but I do know that I gave it to everyone else, usually leaving none for mySelf. Perhaps that is why when I ate secretly, it was all for me & none for anyone else.
A healthy knowing that you own something can change your life behaviors. While you are free to share it, the sharing is a purposeful act. People are no longer just allowed to take what is yours. Healthy ownership means standing up & protecting your boundries. Healthy knowing clarifies that there is a difference between being selfish & being self-ful. As I worked in my automatic writing journal, I came to realize how others could manipulate me by putting me in the selfish category, which of course triggered my early tendency towards guilt & shame. No one wants to be called selfish & so after awhile, one just gives & gives, leaving the poor, victimized Self to pick up the left-overs, if there are any. But, as we recover & begin to live in the light of heightened awareness, it's easier to choose the healthy life route.
Earlier in the book I introduced you to a specialized image called the "life path." I called it the "goal-den path", because this is the route to all achievements, as well as connections with one's Higher Self, Higher Power & the Universal Mind. This is the metaphorical space between birth & death. While others can visit, they only come by one's invitation & only to work in behalf of the owner. For most of us, especially those with disorderly eating, this whole idea of having our own place in time is both comforting & uncomfortable because we are stepping outside of our very tight box, one made even tighter by the manipulators in our lives. For me, the idea that no one owned me & that I was totally self-responsible for my life was huge. My mother didn't own me & neither did my husband or employer. We can also add in children, friends, relatives, co-workers & other occupants of the world. When we join in relationships, be they parental, marital, parent, employer or friend, there needs to be mutual respect of each other's personal path. While we can assist in each other's growth, it's not acceptable to grab the gardening tools, push the other out of the way & take over. Of course, this also means that we are personally responsible for doing all the work on our own path. This means shifting from the position of immature child to that of mature adult.
Waking up, becoming aware & dealing with the other occupants who share our life experience needs some special tools, but before I share these with you...
A NOTE TO NEW READERS:
This experiential blog/workshop is based on my new book, "How Many Cookies Will It Take to Make Me Happy?" If you are new to my writing, you might want to read the earlier mini-chapters. They are available on FaceBook, The PublishersMarketPlace & at the following link. Remember to scan down to find the earliest chapters & work your way up. http://beyonddisorderlyeating.blogspot.com/
A bit of background.... we are working with creative Interactive Self-Hypnosis imagery, planting suggestions directly into the creative subconscious mind as you read along. What appears like a story is a series of self-hypnotic sessions, designed to bring about desired lifestyle changes. The inner mind is creative & rather child-like, loving to play with images, especially when they are emotionalized. Just like the saying, "a picture is worth a thousand words", well-planted mind images, can be worth hours of therapy. We can actually change or motivate in 1/200th of a second. So come along & look forward to some lifestyle-changing events.
ALONE OR NOT ALONE? ....OR LEAVE ME ALONE!
When we begin our recovery journey, there is usually a "big bang" awareness. Certain affirmations speak profoundly, while images that may have been hanging around before, now are brightly lit. It's like we've been asleep for a very long time & now we wake up to a new day, one filled with brightness & possibility. It feels wonderful! And then, one of life's occupants walks in the room & shuts off the light switch. As I came into my awareness, I was stunned at how many people were able to do this to me. My reality came screaming, rather like a stun-gun. How did I get here? Why did I allow all of these people to walk over me, most of them completely unaware of what they were doing to me? And now, I was going to have to go back & let them know what was acceptable & not acceptable. I remember cringing at the idea of doing all that work. To make matters worse, I was brought up to "be still & don't rock the boat." Oh, what a convenient lesson that was for all the manipulators in my life. And, what a good student I was. Now, that lesson book needed to be tossed out & I was to begin writing something called "new rules."
I remember being so very angry, but as I worked with my automatic journaling & self-hypnosis, I kept returning to the area of the balance beam. My Higher Self was directing me to be still, but for different reasons than those of my manipulators. Yes, I would be setting new rules, but I would not go about them while wearing a rightous, anger or victim coat. I would also need to decide how I wanted to run the different areas of my life. There were many choices to be made & needed to work out the details. Yes, I was having a fresh start & while I've had many fresh starts in the past, this was going to be different. I was in direct contact with my Higher Self, as well as the mature part of me that I'd come to know as my Therapeutic Self. I was introduced to the library of my subconscious mind, learning that it was filled to the brim with resources that would not only move me out of my disorderly eating, but my unkept life as well. And, as for the other life occupants, we would be introduced once again, but in a balanced way. My path was my own.
Copyright 2009 Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht
May not be copied or reproduced without permission of the author.
Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht is author of Sugar...the Hidden Eating Disorder & How to Lick It. She is also the writer/producer of over 350 mp3/CD programs in the areas of medicine, health, prevention, addictions, self-development & sports for adults & children.
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