The novel ended in a way I didn't expect. Near to the end, it was like the novel was writing itself and I was just the observer. It was rather like the automatic journaling I'm doing here, only this was fiction.
My Journal Master jumps in, "What is fiction and what is real?"
Oh my goodness. That question comes in the first few paragraphs of my novel. Were you writing it???
"What do you think?"
Yes, I believe you did and I have a strong feeling that you put the speed bumps on my path so I would have to look carefully. I remember a moment when I wanted to give up the project. I questioned my reasoning in starting such a thing. After all, it wasn't something I really had to do. I'm a busy person, so why did I saddle myself with this strange project that had no purpose?
"No purpose? You believe it had no purpose? Better think again for everything has a purpose. Everything is given to teach a particular lesson. Look inward very carefully."
My husband asked me why I named the novel "The 5th Question." My answer to him, "I have no idea. It just appeared on the page as if someone else wrote it." Then I was left trying to figure out what the book was supposed to be about.
"So, what did you find out?"
I came to understand that my protagonist was looking for the truth, and in so doing she opened up a very dangerous Pandora's box with her questions. The message was that sometimes we think something is inconsequential, when in reality it can change everything that comes after it. This could come in the form of a question, a statement or even a choice of behavior. For my character, she asked a question that "broke the camel's back." She wasn't awake, she wasn't aware and she wasn't spending time "in the moment."
"What's the lesson?"
For me, it's to pay attention. Like most people, I tend to walk around in a fog that is supported by what I believe to be true. This is my fiction. Change involves staying awake, evaluating what I consider to be my own truth's or beliefs, plus being in the moment as much as possible. I've come to know that these are three different things. Being aware or being awake means that I can step back and see what's going on in the "circus of the world." Evaluating my own truth's means that I'm willing to look at them with fresh eyes. Being "in the moment" means that nothing is happening. The moment is pure and empty. This is a heightened creative state, one where I am nearest to my spiritual Self where I can go whenever I choose.
As I worked through the book, I came to see that everything is not as it seems. Other stories are going on, super-imposing themselves on the story of my main character, causing changes along the way. Since she is only connected to her own story, she is unable to see the big picture, actually putting her life in danger.
This has happened to me in my own life. I become so absorbed in my own story that I miss out on a great deal. I want to be able to change this. Any suggestions?
"Relax now. You may have noticed that I always ask you to relax when you ask an important question. Know to do this for yourself when it appears that we're not working together, because the truth is that we are always working together. When you are "in that place", open your eyes. Notice that you are "in the moment." There is nothing here, but everything is here, for this is the way of nothingness. Sense the peace. Feel it. Enhance it. Now sense the love. Feel it. Enhance it.
All stories are going on outside of your "nothingness place." These are like the rings in a circus. Some have to do with your story, but others are the stories of others. Look out, noticing the different circus rings. They go on for miles, for there are millions of stories going on at the same time. Like radio stations, you will have your favorites. Notice you can tune into them without getting inside of them. Practice this with one of your favorites. Notice you can listen on different levels. Practice tuning in on the emotional level. It's below the "this is what you see" level. Now, relax deeply...go back to your "nothingness", spend a moment, and choose another circus ring. Do the same. Float above it, below it, to the right and left, but always outside. Just "be". Live life as an observer.
You can also visit some of your own circus rings, for you have many. Observe...how about that compulsive one over there?
