Fresh Start

Cleaning, clearing & then rebuilding old rituals takes courage, a hot desire, commitment & persistence. Remember, a good part of any ritual is on auto-pilot & you may find yourSelf inside the ritual without even thinking. However, this does not mean that you have failed & should give up. It simply means that you need to wake up earlier. Just because you find yourSelf inside a negative ritual is no reason to stay....just the opposite. It's a reason to leave. As you dismantle your old ritual & build a new one, it will be even easier to change positions.

This was a big issue for me, especially in the beginning of my wellness trek, because my ritual was very old, having so many tangents that were added over the years of it's existence. I thought of it as a big, heavy tapestry, even bigger than mySelf. In the past I had tried to change some of the threads, but no matter what I did, it never seemed to be enough to effect a long-term change. Now, I had no choice. My physical health had taken a toll & the tapestry had to go.

There are different approaches to making lifestyle changes & dismantling habits. As I mentioned above, I had tried to remove some of the ritual threads, but had been unsuccessful. I also found this to be self-defeating, as it reinforced my failure. This time I had no choice but to throw out the ritual. In the practice of self-hypnosis the chosen imagery can be very quick & powerful. I knew that I would discard the ritual tapestry, but I also knew that I did want to save some of the threads, especially the ones that were symbols of my resilience. Over the years I fought through some changes. For example, I had resolved my issues with letting others make my food decisions for me. I no longer ate something because someone would supposedly feel bad if I didn't eat it, or if everyone else was having it, so therefore I needed to have it. Those were important threads for me to keep & to weave into my new tapestry.

My old tapestry was very emotional, wrought with anger, sadness, depression, worthlessness, helplessness & hopelessness. Some of my emotions were very connected to specific people & so I decided to build an alter of sorts to honor those who were responsible for teaching me some of my most valuable lessons. Remember, we learn through positive & negative examples. Here was an opportunity for me to practice forgiveness, thereby setting me completely free from those who had held the key to my prison for so long. This part of my new ritual & tapestry reminded mt that I held no anger towards anyone, including mySelf. The past was over, the path ahead was clean & clear & I was about to develop a new healing garden that would house my ritual & tapestry, for I would be weaving many new experiences into the fabric of my life.

You may wonder about the old ritual popping up on auto-pilot & finding mySelf in the middle of it. Yes, this did happen & still does at times, but remember, I am no longer the same person & I have the Key to get out. Here are some of the things that became part of my new auto-pilot ritual. There were times when forbidden foods seemed to magically appear in my supermarket basket, but they were returned to the shelves or left at the checkout. There were times when the desire to hide & binge pushed themselves to the front of my mind, but I now had a new ritual garden....one that was growing powerful roots & so these seemingly negative thoughts became opportunities for me to strengthen the new rituals. And, you can do the same. Allow your own mind to guide you, as I invite you to walk through my therapeutic shifting process with me.

But first I'd like to welcome new readers...

A NOTE TO NEW READERS:

This experiential blog/workshop is based on my new book, "How Many Cookies Will It Take to Make Me Happy?" If you are new to my writing, you might want to read the earlier mini-chapters. They are available on FaceBook, The PublishersMarketPlace & at the following link. Remember to scan down to find the earliest chapters & work your way up. http://beyonddisorderlyeating.blogspot.com/
A bit of background.... we are working with creative Interactive Self-Hypnosis imagery, planting suggestions directly into the creative subconscious mind as you read along. What appears like a story is a series of self-hypnotic sessions, designed to bring about desired lifestyle changes. The inner mind is creative & rather child-like, loving to play with images, especially when they are emotionalized. Just like the saying, "a picture is worth a thousand words", well-planted mind images, can be worth hours of therapy. We can actually change or motivate in 1/200th of a second. So come along & look forward to some lifestyle-changing events.

NEW RITUAL GARDEN

As I mentioned earlier, I found it easier to dispose of my old ritual, except for a few threads. I did this in the "theater of my mind". It was a simple as telling it to go completely. That's what the power of the creative mind is all about. I remember the day I did this. A light came down, leaving the area completely empty & very clean. The first thing I did was to set up my alter of gratitude & forgiveness. In the development of imagery, it's a good idea to make important metaphors very detailed, so I spent quite a bit of time in this area of my mind. It took me awhile to be able to place pictures of those people who I felt had injured me the most, but after awhile, it became easier. In the meanwhile, I placed an object that represented them, instead of the picture. Another area of my garden or ritual was an actual kitchen with very modern appliances. I was no longer afraid of food & wanted it well represented, so my subconscious mind understood what was needed by my body systems. I also took time to think about foods that I liked. It was during that time that I improved my cooking skills, because when I had the most problems with bingeing, my food shopping & prep was dismal. The new ritual garden also included an area for deep relaxation & a leather bound book filled with future images. I'll share those with you in the next blog.

Copyright 2009 Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht
May not be copied or reproduced without permission of the author.

Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht is author of Sugar...the Hidden Eating Disorder & How to Lick It. She is also the writer/producer of over 350 mp3/CD programs in the areas of medicine, health, prevention, addictions, self-development & sports for adults & children.

http://www.facebook.com/elizabeth.bohorquez
http://www.twitter.com/elizRN

http://www.hypnosis-audio.com
http://www.sugar-addiction.com
http://www.international-medical-health-writers

Inside the Ritual Nest

As I entered the Foodie Ritual Area I was surprised at the level of detail that had been developed over the years. My addictive childSelf was willing to show me the deepest elements, those that were the seedlings for the rather complicated working ritual that was now in place. I had some rememberance of the seedlings, but not all of them. Being able to visit them in self-hypnosis truly touched my heart. I can remember my early child, but being able to feel the deep emotions, truly opened my heart, allowing a pouring of sadness to release. I could feel the pressure before the release & that did frighten me for a moment, but the Higher Part of me was present, encouraging me to just let it flow & so I did. The untimely & surprising death of my father & the shock that separated my mother from me, had to be interpreted by a three year old child, who had no other support. The childSelf I was invited to enter was frightened, confused, anxious & very disturbed.

There was no point of reference for her to grab hold of & so the emotions were raw & scary, especially as more people arrived at the funeral that was held in the home. Visitors hugged her, while crying & screaming. The addictive childSelf took me to a little "nest-like" place, a uterus of sorts. Inside the nest were pacifier cookies & candies, some provided to the child & others secretly taken from the mourning table. These were especially addictive, for they combined mourning with sugar treats. This was to continue throughout her childLife & even into her adultLife. The "nest-like" place took many different forms, mostly hiding places that were closed in & secret....the car, closets, corners of rooms, the attic, basement & behind certain bushes & trees.

As the childSelf grew, the nest became more & more useful for releasing emotions, especially those related to insecurity, emotional & physical pain & critical emotions. Physical pain was also invited because it made it easier for emotional pain to be expressed. This pain announced itself in multiple body aches, headaches, tightness & weakness, always accompanied by fear. Sometimes the childSelf binged, almost inviting the pain to appear, as if it's presence would fill the void. The kinds of foods were mainly unhealthy, the amounts huge. At times there was an acutal fear of the foods, the Self realizing the danger of what was about to happen. That fear could even start in the supermarket as the foods jumped into the shopping cart. There was also fear of body sensations, believing them to be a hidden illness that then connected itself to fear of death & dying, bringing the nest back to it's original purpose. As the child grew older, the insecurities also grew, for there was no parent figure to help the child find her way back to balance. In fact, others thought the child was very well adjusted, for she hid everything very well & the nest, even though more complicated, was a deep secret. Even though she was very afraid of illness & accidents, she entered the health care field, as if defying the original fear, but the eating issues worsened & the secret was forced to become further submerged.

Before I go ahead & share some of the therapeutic techiques I utilized for mySelf & taught to others like me, I'd like to welcome new readers...

A NOTE TO NEW READERS:

This experiential blog/workshop is based on my new book, "How Many Cookies Will It Take to Make Me Happy?" If you are new to my writing, you might want to read the earlier mini-chapters. They are available on FaceBook, The PublishersMarketPlace & at the following link. Remember to scan down to find the earliest chapters & work your way up. http://beyonddisorderlyeating.blogspot.com/
A bit of background.... we are working with creative Interactive Self-Hypnosis imagery, planting suggestions directly into the creative subconscious mind as you read along. What appears like a story is a series of self-hypnotic sessions, designed to bring about desired lifestyle changes. The inner mind is creative & rather child-like, loving to play with images, especially when they are emotionalized. Just like the saying, "a picture is worth a thousand words", well-planted mind images, can be worth hours of therapy. We can actually change or motivate in 1/200th of a second. So come along & look forward to some lifestyle-changing events.

INSIDE THE NEST

Disassembling the old ritual & the nest in it's present form was going to be necessary. Releasing on food was no longer possible, as I was heading towards the door of adult onset diabetes. I was already hypoglycemic, the frightening symptoms causing me to run to the nest, but I was already aware that the food was taking me even nearer to the killer diseases, so this was no longer workable. Awareness is a powerful tool, especially if it is utilized in a very deep relaxed state. That means, below the conscious level, where the brain waves are slower & the stress chemicals aren't being produced. For me, this meant learning a special kind of meditation, one that could be practiced "in the moment." As I learned to be a close observer of mySelf, I was shocked at the levels of stress I produced & stored in my body. No wonder I kept my ritual close by my side & always knew where to find my portable "nest."

Managing my thoughts was paramount to re-defining my ritual. I realized that I truly needed a ritual, but one that was very different from the one I had since childhood. Of course, my childSelf was not happy, but interestingly enough, that unhappiness passed very quickly, once I made it clear that I was now in charge. I believe that the childSelf was relieved at finally having a mature ParentSelf. In the next blog I'll invite you to visit the interior of my new ritual habitat.


Copyright 2009 Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht
May not be copied or reproduced without permission of the author.

Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht is author of Sugar...the Hidden Eating Disorder & How to Lick It. She is also the writer/producer of over 350 mp3/CD programs in the areas of medicine, health, prevention, addictions, self-development & sports for adults & children.

http://www.facebook.com/elizabeth.bohorquez
http://www.twitter.com/elizRN

http://www.hypnosis-audio.com
http://www.sugar-addiction.com
http://www.international-medical-health-writers

Underneath the Foodie Mantra

Be clear...emotional eating & the binge is not about the food. Like the iceberg, the main components are located below the surface. So, it was one thing to take my addictive childSelf out of hiding, but quite another thing to deal with the causative factors & her "foodie mantra." Willingness to change means willingness to become aware & until that permission is granted, it is rarely possible to get a full view of the true problem & such was the case regarding my food thoughts, bingeing & obsessions. By inviting my childSelf out of hiding, permission was granted for me to enter the food behavior hiding place that is located well below the surface..deep in my subconscious mind

Despite gaining permission, I remember stalling at the door to this area, somewhat frightened of what I would find. It is not easy to enter into pure honesty. Despite my nervousness, my addictive childSelf pulled me energetically, probably thinking I was going to join her in the old hangouts, but of course, this was not to be. Instead, we were going to stand side-by-side, while I reviewed the extent of what had already happened & the already present ramifications. These would be hard to own, because what was done was done. However, I had my futureSelves to consider & I needed to know specifically what wouldn't be happening ever again. As I "read" my body sensations, I could feel anxiety & inner-trembling, probably the anticipation of having to face up to my weaknesses & then accepting the finality of letting go....this was to be a true & difficult commitment, but one that was necessary for healing, not only for my body, but for my mind as well. I had lived a life of lies, excuses & hiding & all of these would be leaving at the same time. There would be no discussion, no guilt...no shame...but I did expect a tremendous feeling of loss & that was to be.

The childSelf did need to stand by my side, but it's important to know that she was not truly participating in the seriousness of the experience, for the addictive child does not understand, nor care to understand the serious impact of over-eating, under-eating or eating foods that have no nutritious value. Her interests are found only in the special ritual that accompanies the eating, including the excitement of thinking about, then finding the foods of choice, followed by eating ,sometimes slowly or other times shoving the food quickly into her mouth. None of this had anything to do with nutritional needs, nor hunger, but instead, representing pure emotional release. To her, everything was about fixating on the ritual, for all parts were related to the emotional release. Once we were inside the door, I wanted to encourage my childSelf to open the ritual so I could see inside. I felt certain that I didn't know all parts of it, nor from where they originated. I was also interested to know how the ritual was "fired", so I could work to dismantle those elements as well. Upon entering, it was clear to me that the ritual, nor it's parts, could no longer exist. I believed that dismantling them & removing them completely would be much easier than doing this piece-meal....like emptying a room completely, instead of just doing a corner at a time. For this, I needed the child at my side, so hopefully she would guide me into the deeper recesses of the room. I was soon to find out that she wasn't about to disappoint me...

Before I go ahead, we always have new readers & I'd like to welcome them...

A NOTE TO NEW READERS:

This experiential blog/workshop is based on my new book, "How Many Cookies Will It Take to Make Me Happy?" If you are new to my writing, you might want to read the earlier mini-chapters. They are available on FaceBook, The PublishersMarketPlace & at the following link. Remember to scan down to find the earliest chapters & work your way up. http://beyonddisorderlyeating.blogspot.com/
A bit of background.... we are working with creative Interactive Self-Hypnosis imagery, planting suggestions directly into the creative subconscious mind as you read along. What appears like a story is a series of self-hypnotic sessions, designed to bring about desired lifestyle changes. The inner mind is creative & rather child-like, loving to play with images, especially when they are emotionalized. Just like the saying, "a picture is worth a thousand words", well-planted mind images, can be worth hours of therapy. We can actually change or motivate in 1/200th of a second. So come along & look forward to some lifestyle-changing events.

THE ADDICTIVE CHILD'S PRIVATE ROOM

Once inside the room, I was stunned with the state of affairs, but of course, thisarea had been operational since I was a young child. Despite being over-loaded, it was actually quite organized. My childSelf seemed to take pride in this, making it easier for her to show me where things were. She was impressed with my interest, obviously appreciative that I wasn't angry not threatening. Luckily she missed the fact that I was appalled, perhaps because I decided to put that aside, for any criticism would have built resistance for the "show & tell." Part of me was pulled towards the seemingly mountains of food that had either been ingested or hidden through the years, but I decided that i preferred to enter the ritual first, for indeed, this was a core issue & would help to answer some of the areas that were nearer to the surface. My childSelf was fine with this, almost excited to share the intricacies of the ritual fine-tuning.

I'll share most of this with you, but space in the blog is a bit of an issue, but here's something I learned. Emotional eaters tend to preferto practice their ritual alone or if they share with others, these partners are carefully chosen. These are not the usual people one meets at a dinner party...but special addictive companions. In the case of my child, her ritual bliss was always about being alone & made especially potent by the preference of secrecy. For example, while she liked to binge in the car, she would never eat or even chew at red lights because the driver in the car next to her or behind her would be watching, thereby invading her secret. I was coming to understand that the more my childSelf trusted me, the more she would share & so staying open & non-judgmental would be key to my healing.

Copyright 2009 Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht
May not be copied or reproduced without permission of the author.

Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht is author of Sugar...the Hidden Eating Disorder & How to Lick It. She is also the writer/producer of over 350 mp3/CD programs in the areas of medicine, health, prevention, addictions, self-development & sports for adults & children.

http://www.facebook.com/elizabeth.bohorquez
http://www.twitter.com/elizRN

http://www.hypnosis-audio.com
http://www.sugar-addiction.com
http://www.international-medical-health-writers