Emotional Wrestling

Managing emotions is key to high level health in performance. In this book we have already touched on some ways to do this & here I'll introduce some others. Remember that emotions are like kids wearing teeshirts with their names on the front. They come in different degrees or sizes & carry thought DVD's in their backpacks. If you aren't familiar with my work, I refer you to the link below. This is a good place to catch up. So, when thoughts are delivered to the mind, they are chemically coded, meaning that the thoughts change the body physiology. Here we are working with specialized imagery, allowing us to work within the mindBody connection. This type of "in the moment" self-hypnosis practice is very useful, because you can change both emotional & physical outcomes in a split second. You have already heard me talk about the Therapeutic or Mature Self & you know how to shift to that mind-state, thereby disassociating yourSelf from the immature childSelf. Now let's take this one step further...

In the last chapter we spent time addressing the other occupants that share your life with you, be they people you know or don't know. We talked about some negative aspects of others, including tripping you up as you work within your personal Recovery. No matter where you go, you will meet up with the other occupants & you will experience their emotional states. Sometimes, the emotional communication is so subtle that you don't even notice, but it is there. Perhaps you go to the supermarket, check out & walk to your car, perhaps interacting with five or ten people without being aware. Other times you may go to the supermarket & do some head-banging with those who share your life path. And then, you may go back to the supermarket & meet up with someone who delights you in some way, even though you never met that person before & probably will never see them again in your lifetime.

Every individual, or life occupant, has a Therapeutic or mature Self, a Higher Self & a huge selection of childSelves....just like you. I think it helps to know that everyone is put together in the same way. Even those occupants who are locked up in the local jail have the very same configuration. In some of us, the balance is very tilted & the particular tilt brings it's own built-in consequences. Here the focus will be on your emotional childSelves & their interaction with the childSelves of others, for indeed, that is what it is all about. The therapeutic or mature Selves of all occupants tend to work very smoothly, but it's all about those emotional kids & their issues. They are the "emotional wrestlers."

I'll be sharing some working techniques with you in just a moment, but first...

A NOTE TO NEW READERS:

This experiential blog/workshop is based on my new book, "How Many Cookies Will It Take to Make Me Happy?" If you are new to my writing, you might want to read the earlier mini-chapters. They are available on FaceBook, The PublishersMarketPlace & at the following link. Remember to scan down to find the earliest chapters & work your way up. http://beyonddisorderlyeating.blogspot.com/
A bit of background.... we are working with creative Interactive Self-Hypnosis imagery, planting suggestions directly into the creative subconscious mind as you read along. What appears like a story is a series of self-hypnotic sessions, designed to bring about desired lifestyle changes. The inner mind is creative & rather child-like, loving to play with images, especially when they are emotionalized. Just like the saying, "a picture is worth a thousand words", well-planted mind images, can be worth hours of therapy. We can actually change or motivate in 1/200th of a second. So come along & look forward to some lifestyle-changing events.

EMOTIONAL WRESTLING - LOCK HOLDS & OTHER MANIPULATIONS

We all start from where we are. When I started working on my own emotional management, all of this was very new to me. Of course, being an RN, I did understand the emotional component to disease, but at that time I didn't have any techniques to help me change my very strong reactive behaviors, many of which I still have. But now because I actively practice heightened awareness & interactive self-hypnosis "in the moment" I recognize them early on & can adjust them to meet my new criteria of living.

I utilize the image of detachment all the time. In other words, the childSelf is outside of my Therapeutic or mature self. Sometimes the child is in balance, other times not. It helps to be able to identify the emotion that is causing the imbalance. In the book I go over the many different emotional coats or marinades. It's interesting to note that the same ones tend to appear over & over, even though they may be slightly different. Mine tend towards impatience, intolerance, ego-driven need to be perfect, annoyance, especially with those who are slow & then the good old guilt & shame. I also harbor some complicated fear emotional coats, some specific & others resembling general anxiety. As we learn to be aware, we can also locate or see the triggers for these emotional coats. That's why I love the practice of heightened awareness coupled with interactive self-hypnosis. The scenes are so complete. I can actually walk inside what's playing in my current moment & my subconscious mind will show me other pertinent details. Sometimes it's pretty & sometimes it's not, but remember, you cannot change what you cannot or are not willing to see. As you come to practice these awareness exercises, you may find the childSelf wanting to wrestle, but when you stay detached, or in your golden egg, the child's power diminishes very easily, especially with a bit of practice.

In the next blog, I'll address the emotional kid's of the other occupants & how to discipline your own childSelf in these moments. Then, you'll get to see how you can effect change in others without saying a word.

Copyright 2009 Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht
May not be copied or reproduced without permission of the author.

Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht is author of Sugar...the Hidden Eating Disorder & How to Lick It. She is also the writer/producer of over 350 mp3/CD programs in the areas of medicine, health, prevention, addictions, self-development & sports for adults & children.

http://www.facebook.com/elizabeth.bohorquez
http://www.twitter.com/elizRN

http://www.hypnosis-audio.com
http://www.sugar-addiction.com
http://www.international-medical-health-writers

The Bully Factor

It's wonderful to wake up to the realization that you are in charge of your own life, but that doesn't mean that the other people you share your life with will just hand you the shovel they were using to dig in your life garden, then walk walk away nicely, waving good-bye & wishing you well. Most life occupants know nothing of paths, boundaries, what's yours & what's theirs & quite honestly, have little interest in your "awakening" & new commitment to change. While some may be o.k. with it, others may feel relatively negative in response to your new positive outlook. This negativity can show itself in a variety of ways from simple annoyance to outright anger, perhaps even sticking a foot out, hoping that you will trip. A lot will depend on your past relationship with the "occupant", or in some instances, the auto-pilot emotional patterns that inhabit this particular person. When the foot is attached to someone you love, it can be both confusing & painful, perhaps evoking a very negative counter-response...even another foot exchange. And don't forget, there is also the issue of picking a fight with the emotions of others & also self-inflicted tripping.

There are so many different types & levels of emotional exchanges. Even positive ones can act like blocks or barriers when one is in recovery from disorderly eating. When I began working therapeutically with my own compulsive/emotional eating, it seemed like I was down for the count, more than I was up. Once I began practicing "heightened awareness", I could see how my failure patterns formed & how I had given others the power to block me, even in happy times. In fact, as I revisited my past time line, it was clear that I secretly wished for these blocks to be placed in front of me, sometimes even inviting them openly with specific conversation or behaviors. A common one for me & that I find in many of my patients is to start food conversations, usually meant to lead to something else, like a suggestion to go out to lunch or to bring donuts to the office. I remember another devious behavior....walking by the office candy jar & joking "please don't offer me one." Playing the victim is another insidious game, inviting others to feel sorry for you. Perhaps reading a restaurant menu & making comments about what you can't choose, but others can. "Oh what I wouldn't give for a piece of pizza." Here you are evoking uncomfortable emotions within youSelf, then inviting others into your pain, often blaming them when you fall down.

Waking up, becoming aware & dealing with your emotional games & those of the other occupants who share our life experience needs some special tools, but before I share these with you...

A NOTE TO NEW READERS:

This experiential blog/workshop is based on my new book, "How Many Cookies Will It Take to Make Me Happy?" If you are new to my writing, you might want to read the earlier mini-chapters. They are available on FaceBook, The PublishersMarketPlace & at the following link. Remember to scan down to find the earliest chapters & work your way up. http://beyonddisorderlyeating.blogspot.com/
A bit of background.... we are working with creative Interactive Self-Hypnosis imagery, planting suggestions directly into the creative subconscious mind as you read along. What appears like a story is a series of self-hypnotic sessions, designed to bring about desired lifestyle changes. The inner mind is creative & rather child-like, loving to play with images, especially when they are emotionalized. Just like the saying, "a picture is worth a thousand words", well-planted mind images, can be worth hours of therapy. We can actually change or motivate in 1/200th of a second. So come along & look forward to some lifestyle-changing events.

EMOTIONS BIG & SMALL - THE BULLY FACTOR

Until I started working with my Therapeutic Self & working inside my automatic writing journal, I never realized how difficult I made my own life. In fact, most of the things I complained about, including my eating issues, where self-inflicted. That's not to say that others didn't provoke me, but in many instances I brought them into the trenches. Sometimes I didn't want to be alone to solve my own problems & other times I wanted attention. Does this sound like a child? Of course it does. While the childSelf does not make recovery happen, it is a very important catalyst for change. That's why we want to read the child's emotional coats very well, for they hold the secrets that are woven through the fabric of the problem.

The practice of self-hypnotic imagery or imaginology is extremely helpful, especially when coupled with heightened awareness. While it's great to be able to see something clearly, one has to then do something with what one uncovers. Seeing mySelf practicing "victim" was not a pretty sight & in the beginning I was rather horrified at the emotional coats that my childSelf wore. She was a bit of an embarrassment, but adding these new negative emotions to the "victim", certainly wasn't going to help me manage my emotional/compulsive eating. In fact, it would worsen it. These are instances of sel-tripping & need to be disallowed. This is a place in time when we practice "disassociation" or moving out of the circus of the world & into the golden egg. If you don't know what I'm talking about, please go back & read those earlier chapters. In short, we are separating our mature or Therapeutic Self from the childSelf & from this position, we will discipline the unsavory behavior. I'll go over this exercise in the next blog. So what about the other's who are bullying or trying to trip, aware or not? This is another instance where we will disassociate & then ....surprise....discipline our own childSelf, for it is the reaction of our childSelf & not our Therapeutic or mature Self that is having the issue.

continued...

Copyright 2009 Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht
May not be copied or reproduced without permission of the author.

Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht is author of Sugar...the Hidden Eating Disorder & How to Lick It. She is also the writer/producer of over 350 mp3/CD programs in the areas of medicine, health, prevention, addictions, self-development & sports for adults & children.

http://www.facebook.com/elizabeth.bohorquez
http://www.twitter.com/elizRN

http://www.hypnosis-audio.com
http://www.sugar-addiction.com
http://www.international-medical-health-writers

Life Occupants

We occupy this thing called life & while we share our experience with millions of others, the following affirmation sums it up for me. I repeat it in the second person, for I sense my Higher Self directing me to think in this way. "You were born alone & will die alone. The space in-between these two events belongs only to you & you alone. You, alone, are the writer, producer & director of your life."

While this sounds rather simplistic, like many compulsive/emotional eaters, I have a long history of being co-dependent, meaning that my life was tightly wound around the lives of others around me. I remember thinking that if my mother or husband died, I wouldn't be able to stand up on my own & would simply fall into the grave with them. Now, that is co-dependency! However, in the secret eating part of my life I came first & that is why my eating was coupled with solitude, either alone in the car, in a dark movie theater, or in the middle of the night. After I heard this particular affirmation, I became very interested in exploring the idea regarding the time between being born & dying & learning that it belonged to me. I honestly don't know who I thought it belonged to, but I do know that I gave it to everyone else, usually leaving none for mySelf. Perhaps that is why when I ate secretly, it was all for me & none for anyone else.

A healthy knowing that you own something can change your life behaviors. While you are free to share it, the sharing is a purposeful act. People are no longer just allowed to take what is yours. Healthy ownership means standing up & protecting your boundries. Healthy knowing clarifies that there is a difference between being selfish & being self-ful. As I worked in my automatic writing journal, I came to realize how others could manipulate me by putting me in the selfish category, which of course triggered my early tendency towards guilt & shame. No one wants to be called selfish & so after awhile, one just gives & gives, leaving the poor, victimized Self to pick up the left-overs, if there are any. But, as we recover & begin to live in the light of heightened awareness, it's easier to choose the healthy life route.

Earlier in the book I introduced you to a specialized image called the "life path." I called it the "goal-den path", because this is the route to all achievements, as well as connections with one's Higher Self, Higher Power & the Universal Mind. This is the metaphorical space between birth & death. While others can visit, they only come by one's invitation & only to work in behalf of the owner. For most of us, especially those with disorderly eating, this whole idea of having our own place in time is both comforting & uncomfortable because we are stepping outside of our very tight box, one made even tighter by the manipulators in our lives. For me, the idea that no one owned me & that I was totally self-responsible for my life was huge. My mother didn't own me & neither did my husband or employer. We can also add in children, friends, relatives, co-workers & other occupants of the world. When we join in relationships, be they parental, marital, parent, employer or friend, there needs to be mutual respect of each other's personal path. While we can assist in each other's growth, it's not acceptable to grab the gardening tools, push the other out of the way & take over. Of course, this also means that we are personally responsible for doing all the work on our own path. This means shifting from the position of immature child to that of mature adult.

Waking up, becoming aware & dealing with the other occupants who share our life experience needs some special tools, but before I share these with you...

A NOTE TO NEW READERS:

This experiential blog/workshop is based on my new book, "How Many Cookies Will It Take to Make Me Happy?" If you are new to my writing, you might want to read the earlier mini-chapters. They are available on FaceBook, The PublishersMarketPlace & at the following link. Remember to scan down to find the earliest chapters & work your way up. http://beyonddisorderlyeating.blogspot.com/
A bit of background.... we are working with creative Interactive Self-Hypnosis imagery, planting suggestions directly into the creative subconscious mind as you read along. What appears like a story is a series of self-hypnotic sessions, designed to bring about desired lifestyle changes. The inner mind is creative & rather child-like, loving to play with images, especially when they are emotionalized. Just like the saying, "a picture is worth a thousand words", well-planted mind images, can be worth hours of therapy. We can actually change or motivate in 1/200th of a second. So come along & look forward to some lifestyle-changing events.

ALONE OR NOT ALONE? ....OR LEAVE ME ALONE!

When we begin our recovery journey, there is usually a "big bang" awareness. Certain affirmations speak profoundly, while images that may have been hanging around before, now are brightly lit. It's like we've been asleep for a very long time & now we wake up to a new day, one filled with brightness & possibility. It feels wonderful! And then, one of life's occupants walks in the room & shuts off the light switch. As I came into my awareness, I was stunned at how many people were able to do this to me. My reality came screaming, rather like a stun-gun. How did I get here? Why did I allow all of these people to walk over me, most of them completely unaware of what they were doing to me? And now, I was going to have to go back & let them know what was acceptable & not acceptable. I remember cringing at the idea of doing all that work. To make matters worse, I was brought up to "be still & don't rock the boat." Oh, what a convenient lesson that was for all the manipulators in my life. And, what a good student I was. Now, that lesson book needed to be tossed out & I was to begin writing something called "new rules."

I remember being so very angry, but as I worked with my automatic journaling & self-hypnosis, I kept returning to the area of the balance beam. My Higher Self was directing me to be still, but for different reasons than those of my manipulators. Yes, I would be setting new rules, but I would not go about them while wearing a rightous, anger or victim coat. I would also need to decide how I wanted to run the different areas of my life. There were many choices to be made & needed to work out the details. Yes, I was having a fresh start & while I've had many fresh starts in the past, this was going to be different. I was in direct contact with my Higher Self, as well as the mature part of me that I'd come to know as my Therapeutic Self. I was introduced to the library of my subconscious mind, learning that it was filled to the brim with resources that would not only move me out of my disorderly eating, but my unkept life as well. And, as for the other life occupants, we would be introduced once again, but in a balanced way. My path was my own.

Copyright 2009 Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht
May not be copied or reproduced without permission of the author.

Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht is author of Sugar...the Hidden Eating Disorder & How to Lick It. She is also the writer/producer of over 350 mp3/CD programs in the areas of medicine, health, prevention, addictions, self-development & sports for adults & children.

http://www.facebook.com/elizabeth.bohorquez
http://www.twitter.com/elizRN

http://www.hypnosis-audio.com
http://www.sugar-addiction.com
http://www.international-medical-health-writers

Inside the Pressure Vice & the Wall of Fear

Reality usually hits hard. You are told that you have to change your lifestyle behaviors, or else. Then comes the streaming thought responses from the childSelf, who you might misinterpret as the mature Self, but it is not. Here it goes...fighting, squirming, defending, demanding, foot stomping..." I can't do this. I don't want to do this. I will not do this." Meeting up with the out of control childSelf, especially in the face of a serious medical diagnosis, is very frightening. While this part of you is not a stranger, this time it is more sinister because it is determined to block you from lifestyle changes that may decide if you live or die. I know what this feels like & I'd like to share how I went about managing to save mySelf.

There will be a time in life when you end up" inside the vice." It may be about food, an addiction, a relationship issue or something else. My time was back in 1988 & if I plug into that memory, I can still feel the fear, not only of my impending medical diagnosis, but the fear of my own inner Self. At that time I hadn't separated my mature Self from the immature Child & so the fear was even more intense. I was completely alone without anyone who could control me. My childSelf made that abundantly clear. Not only was I not capable of change, it simply wouldn't be allowed.

The image of a "vice" works well to underscore the issues. The vice is often put in place by the medical doctor, or sometimes by others. Rarely is it placed by the Self. Even the mature Self would have difficulty putting the vice in place, even though one may try, the reason being that the childSelf is so powerful & has learned over the years, that if it fusses enough, the mature Self will relent. Everyone who has ever tried to stop an addiction or a particular negative-based behavior knows what I'm saying here. No matter what the circumstances, you may or may not be prepared for it & in most cases, you will not be prepared. It's not that you are blind. I certainly wasn't. In the back of my mind I knew that one day my unhealthy behaviors would catch up with me, but just like any addict, I simply pushed this idea aside & continued to do what I wanted to do....stuff cookies & chocolate peanut butter ice cream.

So what is the "vice"? It is a powerful metaphor for the moment when we are held tight & forced to face our reality. If we want to live a healthy existence, we have to stop doing what we have been doing & that may be one thing or a bundle of things. In my case, the bundle consisted of just about everything related to food. I started to bargain...I would be willing to change a thing or two, but not all of them. This seemed reasonable. After all, don't most doctors blow things up? Of course, this was my addiction chatting me up, just as it always did in the past. Even in the face of impending doom, there it was, taking the lighthearted route. Lucky for me, my mature Self, knew what had to happen, even through the huge wall of fear that immediately built itself in front of me had other ideas.

Moving through or over gigantic fear needs some special tools, but before I share these with you...

A NOTE TO NEW READERS:

This experiential blog/workshop is based on my new book, "How Many Cookies Will It Take to Make Me Happy?" If you are new to my writing, you might want to read the earlier mini-chapters. They are available on FaceBook, The PublishersMarketPlace & at the following link. Remember to scan down to find the earliest chapters & work your way up. http://beyonddisorderlyeating.blogspot.com/
A bit of background.... we are working with creative Interactive Self-Hypnosis imagery, planting suggestions directly into the creative subconscious mind as you read along. What appears like a story is a series of self-hypnotic sessions, designed to bring about desired lifestyle changes. The inner mind is creative & rather child-like, loving to play with images, especially when they are emotionalized. Just like the saying, "a picture is worth a thousand words", well-planted mind images, can be worth hours of therapy. We can actually change or motivate in 1/200th of a second. So come along & look forward to some lifestyle-changing events.

THE PRESSURE VICE & FACING FEAR

If you are following my writing, you already know many of the tools that I've used for my own recovery, as well as for my patients & students. This particular moment in time happened before I had designed most of my tools & so I felt very alone & frightened by the intensity of what I came to know as my childSelf. However, being a nurse educator, I knew about diabetes & the other diseases that can accompany it & those formed what is called a "negative motivator." In my case, a" huge" negative motivator. I remember sitting still for a long period of time, not purposefully meditating, but the results from being quiet were meditative in quality. Something inside me awakened. I could call it a spiritual awakening, but for me at that time, it was an organized call to action. I stood up, walked into the kitchen as a different person & nothing was the same from that moment forward. The "vice" had done it's job. It was like everything else, including the harange in my head, moved back from me. In that moment I could feel my power & I would be returning to this moment in time, over & over again in the future, for this power doesn't stay still....it wanes, but can be reinstated. This was one thing I learned that evening.

As I looked around, it was as if I were a stranger visiting my own home & my own Self. This is called disassociation & while I utilized this technique in helping patients, I never employed it with mySelf, or at least not to this degree. I had stepped outside of mySelf & my home & could see things with great clarity. It was not a pretty sight. The disorganization was evident & it was everywhere. Ever cupboard, every drawer, every wall, every everything. My home was a living example of my own self-care. It was cluttered & I was absent, just as if I were absent from school. I was simply not in attendance. I found it very interesting that the "vice" took me to see the disorganization through the living metaphor of my home & in this way, enlightened me about the necessity to clean & clear. The planning, the organization & the actions I was instructed to take would change my life completely. And what about the Wall of fear? I completely forgot about it & in so doing, it diminished on it's own. I was no longer alone. I was now in attendance with the Higher parts of mySelf.


Copyright 2009 Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht
May not be copied or reproduced without permission of the author.

Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht is author of Sugar...the Hidden Eating Disorder & How to Lick It. She is also the writer/producer of over 350 mp3/CD programs in the areas of medicine, health, prevention, addictions, self-development & sports for adults & children.

http://www.facebook.com/elizabeth.bohorquez
http://www.twitter.com/elizRN

http://www.hypnosis-audio.com
http://www.sugar-addiction.com
http://www.international-medical-health-writers.