Secret Messaging

As we continue to work inside our Automatic Writing Journal, the subconscious mind becomes more giving, now understanding what it is that we need & why we need it. It's important to understand that both the mind & body want to be in homeostasis or balance. The secrets, even though they may seem negative in nature, were formed for the purpose of bringing this balance. The two little girls who shared their secret in the last two blogs, desperately needed the components of their secret to stay safe, for there was no Therapeutic or balanced parent figure available to them.

As they became older, the secret formed a natural part of their life & so it was normal to pass it on to their older Selves. Secrets & other patterned habits or behaviors take on lives of their own, often clearing their own paths & planting new growth, be it positive or negative. Knowing this gives us many options for healing, for there is no need to try destroy or alienate the secret or behavior. Instead, we want to take over the leadership, transmuting it's powerful creativity & energy & aiming it at health & wellness. Truth be known, it is never possible to disengage a very established pattern & simply get rid of it. That would be like locking an uncontrollable child in the closet & thinking that the child's behavior would change once you open the door. Of course, the child who emerges will simply be more unbalanced than before the lock-up.

I've invited readers to step inside my own personal disorderly eating journal & right now we are sharing a subconscious mind experience with two of my early children who have brought their "early editions" of the big secret forward. We have entered a meditative trance state & are now ready to utilize the journal for accessing the inner walls of the secret. But first...

A NOTE TO NEW READERS:

This experiential blog/workshop is based on my new book, "How Many Cookies Will It Take to Make Me Happy?" If you are new to my writing, you might want to read the earlier mini-chapters. They are available on FaceBook, The PublishersMarketPlace & at the following link. Remember to scan down to find the earliest chapters & work your way up. http://beyonddisorderlyeating.blogspot.com/
A bit of background.... we are working with creative Interactive Self-Hypnosis imagery, planting suggestions directly into the creative subconscious mind as you read along. What appears like a story is a series of self-hypnotic sessions, designed to bring about desired lifestyle changes. The inner mind is creative & rather child-like, loving to play with images, especially when they are emotionalized. Just like the saying, "a picture is worth a thousand words", well-planted mind images, can be worth hours of therapy. We can actually change or motivate in 1/200th of a second. So come along & look forward to some lifestyle-changing events.

JOURNAL SPEAK ENTRY 1991

I take the children's hands & head for the door that houses the secret. The doorknob is well-worn & this saddens me. The big "IF"....if I had come to this area sooner, my past Selves would have had a better life experience, but I'm here now & so I'm grateful for that. I check on my own energy level & can feel the confidence & power of my Therapeutic & Higher Selves. Just like monsters under the bed, I'm no longer the child, but a mature adult, knowing I can take care of this. As we step inside, the clutter is overwhelming, rather like a child's room that had never been cleaned & organized. It gives me the impression that no one has ever been in charge here & the room is begging for help. There are no monsters here, just a lack of joy & peace. Someone is coming towards me, introducing herSelf as the part of me in charge of the secret. She is quite lovely, but desheveled, as if she had no time to take care of her person. She tells me that she's been waiting for me, as if she'd only been waiting since yesterday, instead of decades. There is no anger or distrust, just relief that I've finally come to take charge.

I'm led to the wall where pictures are displayed. I recognize some of them, but others I had long forgotten, but now realize how connected they are to the secret & my eating issues. They have supported this room for years & now need to be taken down, for they are no longer needed. I had never realized that I was the only one who could do this. In the past, I looked to other family members & friends to energize me to take control of my life, never succeeding & always left wondering. Now it's clear. Boxes have appeared & I take the pictures down, packing them away. My Father's death, my Mother's depression, my inability to share my inner pain, my low self-image & esteem that went on & on, no date for the prom, boyfriends who abandoned, images of masks worn by my teenage & young adult selves, images representing insecurity & sadness, so many even traveling through yesterday, the secret so alive, yet dead.

I clean & clear, opening areas that had been ignored for most of my life. The woman of the secret is very helpful & for this I'm grateful. No monsters live here....just beautiful children & adults, patiently waiting for me to be self-responsible & mature. Healing is happening now...

Copyright 2009 Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht
May not be copied or reproduced without permission of the author.

Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht is author of Sugar...the Hidden Eating Disorder & How to Lick It. She is also the writer/producer of over 350 mp3/CD programs in the areas of medicine, health, prevention, addictions, self-development & sports for adults & children.

http://www.facebook.com/elizabeth.bohorquez
http://www.twitter.com/elizRN

http://www.hypnosis-audio.com
http://www.sugar-addiction.com
http://www.international-medical-health-writers.com

Secret Stories & Their Power

The past & the future are all fiction. Even if something really happened, it's not happening now & therefore it is fiction. Only the present moment is in the "now" & of course, is very rapidly becoming the fictionalized past. This is a very important concept, because all fiction can be edited. My Automatic Writing Journal was to become an important vehicle for doing just this. My attitude towards recovery would end up determining how much my past childSelves would be willing to show me. I was already realizing that when I entertained them, it was best to remain quiet, peaceful, but assertive.

I know that I must take the leadership position, even though the idea of it overwhelms me, for this is the only way that I can heal & stay on the path in daily recovery. Managing food issues means being in charge all the time, through all the ups & downs, just like a good parent. During my early years I couldn't do this for mySelf & had to rely on those around me to be good parents, teachers & healers. Unfortunately, like most people, I didn't have the best role models for adulthood, but this is not a blame game. The past is past & now I am in charge of what goes on in my life. I remember that I'm the writer, director & producer. It is time to go into the old clutter & clean it out, even though some of my childSelves may not be eager to let go. And, this is understandable. They have harbored much of this for a very long time. So, I must be gentle & strong at the same time.

I'm currently in the middle of a working meditation & journaling session. The children have arrived by the colorful train & are on the pages of my journal. Some are writing messages, others just sitting quietly, just as I did as a child, never wanting to upset the rather fragile applecart of my existence. I'm rather stunned by the number of quiet, perhaps mildly depressed young children, as well as some in their teen years. My younger adult Selves have many masks & this does not surprise me. In the future, I'll have to collect these, allowing their true Selves to come out & be respected. There is no longer a reason to hide anything, but I'm understanding that this will be a continuous learning process. Once the clutter is removed & the corners are swept out, there will also be no reason to self-medicate with food.

The Therapeutic Self Teacher is suggesting that we have storytime. This will give the opportunity to those children, who are ready, to tell of their experiences, including their secrets. The children are very comfortable in the meditative process, feeling safe & eager to participate. I've never felt so at peace with my innerSelves, nor have I ever been so free from inner confusion & turmoil. The Automatic Writing Journal entry that follows comes from one of my original journals that I started to address my compulsive, emotional & secret eating issues...but first

A NOTE TO NEW READERS:

This experiential blog/workshop is based on my new book, "How Many Cookies Will It Take to Make Me Happy?" If you are new to my writing, you might want to read the earlier mini-chapters. They are available on FaceBook, The PublishersMarketPlace & at the following link. Remember to scan down to find the earliest chapters & work your way up. http://beyonddisorderlyeating.blogspot.com/
A bit of background.... we are working with creative Interactive Self-Hypnosis imagery, planting suggestions directly into the creative subconscious mind as you read along. What appears like a story is a series of self-hypnotic sessions, designed to bring about desired lifestyle changes. The inner mind is creative & rather child-like, loving to play with images, especially when they are emotionalized. Just like the saying, "a picture is worth a thousand words", well-planted mind images, can be worth hours of therapy. We can actually change or motivate in 1/200th of a second. So come along & look forward to some lifestyle-changing events.

JOURNAL SPEAK ENTRY 1991

The two little girls that I mentioned in my last blog are by my side, but just wanting to sit on my lap. I first hold one & then the other. They rest comfortably against me & I can feel the weight of their bodies as they go into deep relax. I notice the little black drops exiting their fingertips, remembering the exercise I practiced earlier in the book. I lean down & pick up some of the debris that formed from the black drops, noticing that I'm being instructed to place these on my journal page. As I do, the stories begin to emerge, writing themselves. These are stories of intense insecurity that followed the death of my father. My mother, lost in her own shock & depression, was completely unable to mother the children & so the children were left to mother the mother. The children believed that if they didn't take care of the mother's needs, then she might abandon just as the father had done.

There was no happiness or joy to be had. No positive energy was to be found in any paragraph of the story. Imaginary monsters lurked in the basement & in the attic, just waiting for the child to relax so it could pounce. The children became police officers & had no one to tell about their inner life & so the secret life was born. This was the youngest form of the "unbalanced Self." Young in years, but old in ideas. If food could be taken & hidden, then the child could go to it, as a baby goes to a pacifier. For without the secret, there was no pacifier because everyone use guarded the food & embarrassed the child for taking it.

No one could ever know about the secret, because it was what sustained the children during this period. The secret lived on by being passed to each child on it's birthday. This was especially meaningful because the father left for heaven on the birthday. With each birthday the secret & accompanying fantasy became more powerful, as did the guarding. The older child was responsible for it's safety, as well as for finding new ways to find heightened enjoyment within it. Sometimes it meant opening new avenues, such as stealing & hiding the loot. Other times it meant inflicting harm on either the child, herself or on someone else. But, the food was always at the center of the secret & would continue to be so, until the day of this journal entry.

Copyright 2009 Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht
May not be copied or reproduced without permission of the author.

Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht is author of Sugar...the Hidden Eating Disorder & How to Lick It. She is also the writer/producer of over 350 mp3/CD programs in the areas of medicine, health, prevention, addictions, self-development & sports for adults & children.

http://www.facebook.com/elizabeth.bohorquez
http://www.twitter.com/elizRN

http://www.hypnosis-audio.com
http://www.sugar-addiction.com
http://www.international-medical-health-writers.com

Journal Speak

Teachers arrive when they are needed & often dressed in surprising ways. I was new to Automatic Journaling & so when I took pen to paper to help manage my compulsive & emotional eating issues, I honestly thought this would be like other journaling I'd done in the past. I'd write about what my day was like, what emotions hung around, what I ate, etc. But I was soon to find out that in Automatic Journaling, not only do the journal & the pen have lives of their own, but the images that visited the pages would also be participating. These would include my past Selves, my emotions, as well as my behaviors & experiences. Everything had a life & had something to say & all would be TEACHERS in new coats. While I was certainly going to be an active participant, I was also being invited to be a special kind of observer of my deepest Self.

Quite honestly, before this adventure into recovery, I never thought much about mySelf, except for the most mundane things. I simply got up each morning & did my best to get through my day. I certainly had goals, but now I was coming to understand that what I had were not goals at all, but "ideas about goals," & I certainly had plenty of those, especially about my eating issues. As I review this in my mind, I realize that I was obsessive about wanting to lose weight & stop the emotional eating, but I also had a deep aversion to thinking about it. I could call this denial, but it had deeper roots that needed to be brought to the light & explored. A bit of history... I had been either dieting or placed on a diet from the time I was seven. I remember my Mother taking me to the local doctor, not because I was overweight, but because I simply ate too much. The local doctor obliged my Mother's concern by giving me three little match boxes, each one filled with a different color "amphetamine", to be taken before each meal, thus my introduction to "uppers." Many things changed for me that day, for I now considered myself fat & owning abnormal eating behaviors. Once again, I was seven.

When I began experiencing Automatic Journaling, I was very eager to meet up with my early Selves, especially those with serious disorderly eating injuries. That seven year old was one that I wanted to get to know, but there were many, many others. As I looked down my past path, my Journal told me that I could request all of these past Selves to step forward & since I was requesting this in "self-hypnosis", my subconscious mind would take care of the invitational list. i didn't have to personally remember each one & more importantly, I would just be an observer, not feeling their original pain. Once I decided to do this, I became somewhat excited, just as if I were putting together a real family reunion. I secretly wondered who would come & what memories they would bring with them. By this time I already knew how to work with my Therapeutic Self that included my inner Parent, Teacher & Healer/Physician. I knew how to disassociate from my co-dependent Self & to enter my Golden Egg. My unbalanced Self was now being very cooperative & even helpful. My addicted childSelf was out from behind her wall & asking to be helpful. Now, all I thought I needed was to meet up with the injured Selves from my past, have them change their emotional coats & heal them iin some way. I wasn't exactly sure how this would happen, but intuitively I knew that this would happen without my having to do anything.

I'd like to invite you into one of my early Journals where I did some of my original inner work, but first...

A NOTE TO NEW READERS:

This experiential blog/workshop is based on my new book, "How Many Cookies Will It Take to Make Me Happy?" If you are new to my writing, you might want to read the earlier mini-chapters. They are available on FaceBook, The PublishersMarketPlace & at the following link. Remember to scan down to find the earliest chapters & work your way up. http://beyonddisorderlyeating.blogspot.com/
A bit of background.... we are working with creative Interactive Self-Hypnosis imagery, planting suggestions directly into the creative subconscious mind as you read along. What appears like a story is a series of self-hypnotic sessions, designed to bring about desired lifestyle changes. The inner mind is creative & rather child-like, loving to play with images, especially when they are emotionalized. Just like the saying, "a picture is worth a thousand words", well-planted mind images, can be worth hours of therapy. We can actually change or motivate in 1/200th of a second. So come along & look forward to some lifestyle-changing events.

JOURNAL SPEAK ENTRY 1991

Today I'm entering meditation & setting the stage for the family reunion of sorts. I'm asking those injured Selves to come forward & present themSelves on the page of my Journal. Automatic Journaling is an exercise in Self-hypnosis & so the images are also presenting themselves. A very colorful train has arrived, vividly painted & rather party-like. I'm a bit relieved to know the mood is a festive one. I can see & sense my visitors exiting the train & coming towards the meeting place which seems to be a huge piece of paper. I'm assuming this is a page from my Journal. Everyone seems excited to write something & so I'll just sit back & wait to receive the messages. The youngest children are being helped by my Therapeutic Self. I can feel the power of the Parent, Teacher & Healer. The children are relaxed as they communicate. I'm learning how sad & confused they were, truly not understanding why they were so criticized. They were afraid to question the authority figures. Those included my Mother & the doctor. They were also very embarrassed, feeling that their secrets were going to be exposed. I'm now remembering how many secrets there were & my Journal is suggesting that we'll all benefit from entering some of the secrets & cleaning them up. Yes, I would like to do this, but I'm now reminded that the children will have to give their permission. Of course...for these are their secrets.

I've asked two of my early children to come nearer to me. One is five years old & has bags of Halloween candy. She played hookey from school, so she could be first at all the houses. She also had a change of costume, so she could go back a second time. A very clever child, but one willing to be devious in order to get the candy. I'm thinking that she knows some secrets about why I'm so sugar-addicted & I truly want to bring this to the light, knowing it will help me in my current life. The other child is the seven year old. She had some major issues & had secretly stayed home from school, almost daily. I was a latch-key kid & so my Mother never knew about this. I believe this child has the clues to the start of my anxiety/panic disorder. This is so important to me & I want to encourage her to open up here.


Copyright 2009 Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht
May not be copied or reproduced without permission of the author.

Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht is author of Sugar...the Hidden Eating Disorder & How to Lick It. She is also the writer/producer of over 350 mp3/CD programs in the areas of medicine, health, prevention, addictions, self-development & sports for adults & children.

http://www.facebook.com/elizabeth.bohorquez
http://www.twitter.com/elizRN

http://www.hypnosis-audio.com
http://www.sugar-addiction.com
http://www.international-medical-health-writers.com

Experiential Automatic Journaling

Automatic journaling is a very beneficial tool for recovery & self-growth. I utilize it with all of my patients, as well as for mySelf. I've been journaling in this way for several decades, always finding new ways to integrate it into my life. When I began journaling, it wasn't uncommon for me to sit in front of my notebook with a blank stare. This was a form of writer's block & one that made me very uncomfortable. How could I have nothing to say to mySelf? I soon came to understand that my mind was so disorganized in this area of my life that it literally locked-up. It was also clear to me that I was somewhat frightened of what would come off of my pen. To this day I only journal with pen & paper, not on the computer. The main reason for this is that it takes longer to write than to type, thus giving time for the subconscious mind to kick in. I've tried both ways & even though I prefer to type, the results are much better in long hand.

For those of you who are new to automatic journaling, here are a few things that I do & that you may find useful. I tend to choose the early morning for journaling, even if it means getting up a bit earlier. In a way, it's a form of early morning prayer...honoring yourSelf with a special meeting. I meditate for about five minutes. That seems sufficient for clearing the mind of early morning chatter. As I mentioned, when I started to journal, I didn't know what to write. Sometimes I wrote just that. "I don't know what to write." That was all it took for the subconscious mind to take over. "Why don't you know what to write?" And so, the conversation took off. There are times when I have something very specific to discuss with those Higher Parts of mySelf, perhaps things I don't understand, fear I may have, obstacles in my life, areas of my life that I know need some improvement, things I may want to attract, including better management of emotions, or clarifying my value system. In this type of journaling, just about anything is possible. I've had conversations with images or symbols in my dreams, wanting to know why they appeared & how I could benefit from their messages. I've even had conversations with my car engine & was surprised at the rather accurate suggestions. Now, I know this may sound a bit off base, but it isn't. If you have interest in this particular realm of communication, pick up any book by Jose Silva.

Today, I'm going to share some personal interactions I've had with my early Addictive Self. I've been in contact with that part of me for decades now & our relationship has been instrumental in keeping me at a high level of health & performance. But first...

A NOTE TO NEW READERS:

This experiential blog/workshop is based on my new book, "How Many Cookies Will It Take to Make Me Happy?" If you are new to my writing, you might want to read the earlier mini-chapters. They are available on FaceBook, The PublishersMarketPlace & at the following link. Remember to scan down to find the earliest chapters & work your way up. http://beyonddisorderlyeating.blogspot.com/
A bit of background.... we are working with creative Interactive Self-Hypnosis imagery, planting suggestions directly into the creative subconscious mind as you read along. What appears like a story is a series of self-hypnotic sessions, designed to bring about desired lifestyle changes. The inner mind is creative & rather child-like, loving to play with images, especially when they are emotionalized. Just like the saying, "a picture is worth a thousand words", well-planted mind images, can be worth hours of therapy. We can actually change or motivate in 1/200th of a second. So come along & look forward to some lifestyle-changing events.

MY ADDICTIVE SELF - JOURNAL ENTRY 1991

I had been afraid of this part of mySelf for many decades. My childhood fear of this part of me was somethat different from my adult fear. When I was a child I was simply afraid of getting caught eating things that belonged to others. I remember calculating how many cookies I could eat without my mother noticing. I was about five years old at that time. I do remember the Addictive Self trying to goad me into eating beyond that amount, but my fear kept me in line. As I got older, the fear didn't work any longer because I was freer to get my substance of choice....food. Of course, this meant more hiding & secret behaviors, but in a way, I enjoyed them. This part of my behavior was exactly the opposite of how I appeared to others. The secrets in themselves were exciting & addictive.

Today I've decided to invite my Addictive Self to come out of hiding & meet me on my journal page. It's interesting that she has no fear of me & is already conversing through the end of my pen. I'm surprised at how friendly she is & eager to engage me. There is no mention of our secret life together. It's almost like we were very old friends & now have time to catch up. She's very interested in what I'm doing & why I'm doing it. This is good because it shows me that she is caring. I needed to know that. Part of me is expecting the manipulation, but I'm not seeing that yet. I'm going to try not to anticipate that behavior, because I know that I might just get what I don't want. I want to trust her & to have her follow me, instead of taking over my life. I tell her this & it seems to relax her. I'm coming to understand that she wants me to lead. I ask her about this & she tells me that she never wanted to harm me, but was helping me to relax in my very tense life. She's not apologetic & I'm ok with that. After all, she was trying to be helpful & having no leadership, she simply did her best.

I have a lot to share with her because of the seriousness of my addictions & how sick I've been, knocking on the door of adult onset diabetes. She doesn't seem interested in this & while I wish she was, I do understand that she is part of my "lower Self"....a childSelf. It would be like expecting my young daughter to understand the seriousness of a medical condition when all she wants to do is go out & play. However, I do want her to recognize some of the big issues that have become habitual for her, such as wanting to binge in the car on the way home from work & to wake up to eat in the middle of the night. Those are dangerous & unacceptable habits that will stop immediately. I tell her some of the other things that will also stop....carefully listing them, but presenting them in a quiet, assertive manner, that of a good leader. I also ask her to repeat these to me & show her mind images of healthy behaviors. She wants to know if she can help.....that's a good sign. All in all, it's been a good meeting today.

Copyright 2009 Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht
May not be copied or reproduced without permission of the author.

Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht is author of Sugar...the Hidden Eating Disorder & How to Lick It. She is also the writer/producer of over 350 mp3/CD programs in the areas of medicine, health, prevention, addictions, self-development & sports for adults & children.

http://www.facebook.com/elizabeth.bohorquez
http://www.twitter.com/elizRN

http://www.hypnosis-audio.com
http://www.sugar-addiction.com
http://www.international-medical-health-writers.com