Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Subway Rush Hour!

Relax. Let go. Breathe. Meditate. Stop the pushing. Where do I get off?

Living in my body/mind is like riding the NYC subway at rush hour. This morning I explained to my journal that it's always been like this, so what is the purpose of changing? Well, according to my pen, just because something "has always been" doesn't mean that it "needs to remain," nor does it necessarily mean that it is a "good thing."

I hate being woken up in this way. It's much more comfortable to just stay asleep. But, comfort isn't why I came back to inner journaling. Another example of thinking something is a good idea and then waking up in the middle of the pain. Like the last time we tiled the bathroom. The pictures of the finished project looking great in my head, but the tiles slipped into their own version of the truth. Now, once again, questioning my moments of insanity, expecting things to be the way my mind perceives.

The last weeks have been filled with continuous "subway travel." The doors never opening. No respite....just pushing and shaking my body back and forth. A meditation unto itself?

The other passengers appear hypnotized, locked in their own world. Thinking that if someone were to shove a knife into my side, no one would notice my blood dripping on the floor. Leaves me with the belief that we're all very alone on this train ride, going towards destinations that either exist or not.

Lots of chit chat about choices and road maps and decision making and the rest of the usual mind garbage. It's amazing how we can repeat all of this day after day, then sleep and get up for more of it. Yes, we do get to some destinations, but for most of us we sleep through our arrival or don't even enjoy it when we get there.

"Sounding depressed today?" Ahhh...the pen flowing "therapist ink."

Thinking about this and wondering if all days are filled with some level of depression. Can hardly remember a fully sunny day. Are there such days? Have to ask around, but first have to find someone who might actually know about these. Off the top of my head, I can't think of who to ask. Certainly no one in my immediate environment. I could go to the playground and ask a child, but then again, children rarely know how happy they are because they are so much "in the moment."

Oh that damn phrase..."in the moment." The place to go. The place to be. And, if one doesn't go there, then the chances of meeting one's true Self is next to slim. But where is this place and does this train go there?? How do I know when or where to get off this dang thing?

Now, I'm not saying that I've never been "in the moment", because I have been there. The problem is that I don't know how I got there or how to get back. I question the number of people who talk about this place. My feelings are that if they live "in the moment", then why are they talking about it as a place to go, instead of a place where they actually reside? To my mind, if you are "in the moment", you are too absorbed to pay attention to anyone or anything else. The focus is far too grand to give your attention to me.

So...can I be "in the moment" while riding this subway?

My pen smiles. Of course. Think of yourself as living and participating in the "circus of the world." This is a highly emotional place where everyone is lost in the acting out of their own personal drama. The stories are repeated over and over, each time etching them further into the subconscious mind. All drama is fiction. It's not happening "in the moment", so even IF it truly happened before, it's not happening now and so it's fiction. When you repeat a story, either out load or in your mind, you are busy re-telling a fictional account of something. And, you cannot be in your fictional story and "in the moment" at the same time. In addition, others are always inviting, even pushing others into their drama, almost like going into the audience and pulling someone onto the stage of a play. Experience this OR ELSE!

Living in the "circus of the world" keeps you there. In order to "live in the moment" you must choose to leave the circus. Yes, you can do this at any moment and it's really quite simple. First, you must know the difference between the circus and the non-circus. It helps to have an image for the latter. I like the image of a "golden egg." Let's go ahead and feel what it feels like to be inside that "golden egg." You reach that destination with a simple awareness that you are in the circus and choose to leave and then....notice your next breath and ride it inside the golden egg. It will open to greet you.

Once inside, sense the stillness. Looking out, notice that the circus is outside and you are not a part of it. You can observe it, but you are in a quiet place. Other images can greet you, enhancing your "golden egg experience." I like to sense the gold filling my body, part by part, almost elevating me or inviting me to float inside the egg. Free, light and airy. So relaxed, but able to observe the actions and behaviors of others. Just like being in the audience of a theater, but this time, you are not up on the stage in the drama, but instead just observing or witnessing. As you become more skilled, you can add more images to expand your experience, but for today, this is just fine.

"So, where does my depression go?" The pen is used to my questioning, respecting my desire to know even more.

Depression, anxiety, high level emotions....all live in the circus of the world. When you enter the egg, they simply leave. Now I know what you are going to ask. "Will they find me when I find myself back in the circus?" They might, especially if they are well-conditioned like old shoes, but then, it's up to you to disengage from them...."in the moment." Big Pen Smile!!

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Oh....that Sugar!

In the practice of hypnotherapy, or in this instance "inner journaling", images are utilized to evoke change in the subconscious mind. The work involves cleaning and clearing, also looked upon as releasing and then planting new mind programs that will build upon themselves. It's important to know that the mind works backwards. Once an image or program is planted, it will take on it's own life which includes making a plan and then working it forward. For example, today I'm going to work in the area of my eating issues. I've had these most of my life and while I've made lots of progress over the years, when stress is high, some of these find new ways of inching into my life. If you have any kind of disorderly eating, which most of us do, then you will recognize this as your own.

Nothing is perfect and perfection is never the goal.  Sigh of relief!

Journaling early in the morning works best for me. My inner mind and my "journal master" like to know that there will be no interruptions. As we enter the creative center of the subconscious mind, it's easy to understand why this is the choice environment. There is power in stillness. Just sitting in the center of quiet opens the mind to what wants to show itself. Sometimes negative programs come forward, so this is the opportunity to release them. The subconscious mind doesn't judge, so it doesn't know if you want to keep the negative programs. The more frequently these are played without being released, the more conditioned they become.

Lately I've let some negative eating programs play out. Obviously, this is not what I want, but in the moment they are playing, the obstructionists are ever present skillfully pushing their desires, making up fantastic stories. Foods mysteriously appearing in my shopping cart and fridge. The obstructionists are the parts of me that are highly conditioned to wanting the addictive behavior. We all have these and in certain areas of life, especially addiction, it's important, even vital for survival, to know how to dismiss or manage them.

In this blog I'm working directly in my own subconscious mind and inviting you to sit with me and follow the process. It's not complicated, but it does take a special discipline. You might believe that discipline is something you can't do, especially if you are disorderly, but in truth, most disorder is actually disciplined or conditioned. Addictions are conditioned. Today I'm going to address some very old conditioned or negatively disciplined mind programs that need releasing.

Mind programs are in layers. That is why they can re-occur. Some layers are easier to remove than others. Some are partially removed, while others sit and hide, waiting for a good stressful moment to re-appear. This is what I'm dealing with right now.

It's time to take out my journal and give power to my pen. Just their appearance on my desk acts as a catalyst for deepening my trance state. When stress is high, it's actually easier to release or deepen. I can sense my body's happiness at seeing the journal and pen. It's anticipating release and that is reason to rejoice. Imagine being a tense body and then finally someone arrives and loosens you. See what I mean?

Deeper down, I'm in the area of my eating issues. I have an area already assigned to these. The image is delightful....warm and serene. A beautifully appointed condo...walking around now, enjoying the interior decoration and design. I'm setting the scene for what comes next. There is no point in fighting, punching or attacking any negative behavior for that only etches or conditions it further. Entering the kitchen. Opening the refrigerator and cupboards. Healthy foods present. Admiring them, tasting some and feeling the joy of healthy eating. In the past, my eating was far from healthy, and so I have new conditioned mind programs in this area.

As I look to the back of the fridge, I see some foods that are usually not present. Most are chocolate or sugary. While some are allowed, I'm not happy that these are placed in the back. That is a hiding behavior, set up to deceive. I know this part of me. It's programs are very old and very dangerous. If not cleaned and cleared, they can attach themselves to other parts of my life. Not something I want.

Moving those objects forward. Noticing there are too many. Reading the thought programs attached to the objects....the reasoning, excuses, etc. Calling in the responsible "childSelf." Using a gentle, but firm voice. My Higher or Therapeutic Self is in charge. I'm the writer, director and producer of my life and not the childSelf. Obviously, I could have just removed the items, but it's important to discipline the part of me that slipped up. There is no discussion. Nothing. No words. No thoughts. Just action. Removal of what needs to go and celebration of what can stay. Standing back and admiring the "job well done." Another person enters. This is an "older Self." Thanking the child for giving her health and for being an important part of the "health team."
I'm taking this subject a bit further, because the undesirable food did come into the house and so that must be addressed as well. I don't like throwing things away, so the behavior needs to be managed where it the supermarket.

Mind travel is very quick!! Off to the market with the child and the older Self. Sensing the shopping cart, feeling the cool metal under my hands, brings me further down into the trance. Touching the child's hair...holding the hand of my elder and now walking down the aisles, passing items that aren't needed in our "high level health program." Breathing and relaxing. Feeling the freedom from compulsion...

There are two types of motivation....negative and positive. While I use both, the positive motivator or freedom from compulsion is my favorite. Each time I remember to feel the feeling, the sense of freedom is re-etched in my mind, becoming stronger and more powerful. It makes me smile inwardly...