Negative Treasure Troving

I started my emotional eating behaviors at a very early age & most likely, will have them forever. Whenever I share this with others, especially my patients, they are disappointed, believing that since I'm a therapist, I should have been able to "rid mySelf" of these. What they are really saying is that if a therapist couldn't change emotional eating behaviors, then there is no hope for them. While, on the surface, that seems to be the truth, there is an upside to this, for there are some benefits hidden underneath what appears to be a negative.

Here we are practicing "interactive self-hypnosis." Our goal is to get underneath the problem, for that is where the cleaning needs to happen & that is where the answers reside. So, while I'm not a fan of my emotional eating issues, I'm happy to have the opportunity to go even further underneath them, because the debris that is there is not about eating, but about other things. In this instance the desire to eat emotionally is actually actually an catalyst of energy for opening further into my subconscious mind. Through the years I've been able to dig up lots of "negative treasure"...& each time I'm able to do this, I free myself even further from the part of my past that has blocked me in other areas of my life. Most of that negative treasure is connected to self-image & self-esteem issues that have bothered my relationships with others, as well as my relationship with mySelf. These negative treasures have kept me locked up creatively, for indeed, one cannot be truly creative with locks on the doors.

I'm going to invite you to look over my shoulder as I work with some current emotional eating issues that actually popped up today, but before that...

A NOTE TO NEW READERS:

This experiential blog/workshop is based on my new book, "How Many Cookies Will It Take to Make Me Happy?" If you are new to my writing, you might want to read the earlier mini-chapters. They are available on FaceBook, The PublishersMarketPlace & at the following link. Remember to scan down to find the earliest chapters & work your way up. http://beyonddisorderlyeating.blogspot.com/
A bit of background.... we are working with creative Interactive Self-Hypnosis imagery, planting suggestions directly into the creative subconscious mind as you read along. What appears like a story is a series of self-hypnotic sessions, designed to bring about desired lifestyle changes. The inner mind is creative & rather child-like, loving to play with images, especially when they are emotionalized. Just like the saying, "a picture is worth a thousand words", well-planted mind images, can be worth hours of therapy. We can actually change or motivate in 1/200th of a second. So come along & look forward to some lifestyle-changing events.

FINDING & EXCAVATING TREASURES

If you follow my writing, you know that I like to utilize automatic journaling & I have a need to do just that today. Each time a negative behavior or habit surfaces, you have the opportunity to treasure trove. Let me break this activity into sections so it's easier to understand. First, you come to notice the thought or desire to eat for emotional reasons. This is easy to know because if it's not meal time or if you change your menu to something less healthy, you know that your emotional eating issue has clicked in. Now that you are "aware", the next thing to do is to "release". This means moving out of the "circus of the world" & into the Golden Egg. If you don't know what I'm talking about, you need to go back & read the earlier chapters of the book. All releasing of mind & body tension is done inside the Golden Egg or place of meditation. Here you are also in direct communication with your Higher Self & Therapeutic Self. Sometimes the tension related to the emotional eating is higher than other times, so the amount of time needed for releasing may change. For my issues today, I needed to remove myself from the kitchen & go into my office. I ended up sitting in my Golden Egg for about five minutes, which is quite a long time. However, this also told me that I was going to dig up some very valuable "treasure."

Once you have released sufficiently & you will know this intuitively, then you are ready to "treasure trove." You cannot excavate treasure before releasing or half releasing. In other words, you can't cheat. The subconscious mind will not let you. When I'm releasing, especially in a situation like I faced today, I had my automatic journal under my hands. I imaged each releasing breath going down my arms, through my hands & into the actual journal. I was making it clear to my subconscious mind that I wanted to "treasure trove". My creative mind was opening with each breath & already knowing my desires. When I felt comfortable regarding my releasing, I opened my journal & began communicating with my Higher Self, Therapeutic Self & Inner Mentors or Coaches.

"Thank you for being here for me. I sense mySelf underneath the emotions that were pulling me towards releasing through food. I am open to receiving knowledge about why I was being pulled today & especially with such a vengeance. I haven't felt this degree of pulling in a very long time & I would like to dig up the reasons for this. Please give me the directions to do this." I sit quietly & just let my questioning find it's place. I do not demand or make any further effort. I know that the answers I'm seeking will be forthcoming, either now or later today, but they will come because I have asked in the proper way. I am relaxed & open for receiving. This is all that is asked of me. The timing is up to the subconscious mind or Higher Self. I don't receive any answers right now & I accept this. I wait for a bit & then return to my daily activity.

I'm washing the dishes, running the warm water over my hands while scaping the plates. Silence is around me & I'm at peace with mySelf. Visiting images enter my mind. My own need to be clear of debris. Putting things back to order & finding a new balance for a variety of things that I cannot change; things that I'm frightened about. I can go into each of these fearful images & bring them to the light. I haven't been doing that & so they have accumulated & festered in the fearful marinade I've allowed to be. Some of these images are very big, having to do with illness, death & the dying process. I have a huge room in my subconscious mind for these fears, since my father died unexpectedly when I was a young child, so this room has been activated & is very connected to high level emotions that want to be fed with food. I know this consciously, but the tending must be done meditatively or in self-hypnosis. I return to my automatic writing journal & do what is necessary. As I clear this big negative treasure, I understand mySelf on a new level & can therefore care for mySelf on a new level. Yes, it was a very big treasure & I am grateful.

Copyright 2009 Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht
May not be copied or reproduced without permission of the author.

Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht is author of Sugar...the Hidden Eating Disorder & How to Lick It. She is also the writer/producer of over 350 mp3/CD programs in the areas of medicine, health, prevention, addictions, self-development & sports for adults & children.

http://www.facebook.com/elizabeth.bohorquez
http://www.twitter.com/elizRN

http://www.hypnosis-audio.com
http://www.sugar-addiction.com
http://www.international-medical-health-writers.com

It's So Unfair!

The cookie aisle is my favorite place in the supermarket, or at least it used to be. When I was very ill & knocking at the door of diabetes, I realized that I had to stop eating certain foods, cookies being one of them. But, I was not to be left in peace, for whenever I wnet down that aisle, my immature childSelf began screaming & begging. "Why me? Can't I have just one? How come other people can have these & I can't?" Then came the bargaining & creative manipulation, "If we get one package, we can share it. I only want to look at the packages. Some of these are healthier than others. How about getting some that are not chocolate?" And then, the tears, "This is so unfair! How long do I have to wait until I can have cookies?" On & on....to be repeated in the cereal & ice cream aisles, making shopping a very exhausing experience. If you recognize these scenarios, then you know what it is to have an addictive childSelf.

The mature part of me did understand the seriousness of my health issues, but the immature part would not leave me in peace, especially during certain times of day. The ride home from work was one of those, the reason being that it was old binge pattern time for me. Then, came the cleaning of the plates after dinner. I was the human garbage can & of course, that had to stop. Once out of the kitchen, the addictive childSelf left me alone until I sat down to relax. Then, it started all over again. There were times when I simply went to bed early because I could no longer deal with the compulsive thoughts that ran around in my head. But, even on those nights, it was not uncommon for me to wake up around 2 AM with the demands all over again. These were especially difficult to manage because I was half-asleep & the desires to binge seemed bigger in the dark.

All compulsive/emotional eaters have their own very specific "patterns of difficulty." Over the years I've been able to disengage a good number of these, some with more ease than others. I was able to reason with my childSelf in some regards, but not in others. I also began to notice that the unrelenting childSelf carried these behaviors into other areas of my life, for example in the area of alcohol consumption, shopping & exercise aversion. Once you begin to observe this part of yourSelf & we all have it to some degree, it's very interesting to watch the level of cunningness & creativity of this part of the mindSelf. In a way, it has to be admired, because it never, ever seems to give up & never backing down no matter what. Once I realized the overwhelming power of this part of mySelf & the seriousness of not getting it under control, I knew that I had to design some subconscious mind programs that would become new automatic pilot discipline programs. I'm going to tell you about some of them here, but first...

A NOTE TO NEW READERS:

This experiential blog/workshop is based on my new book, "How Many Cookies Will It Take to Make Me Happy?" If you are new to my writing, you might want to read the earlier mini-chapters. They are available on FaceBook, The PublishersMarketPlace & at the following link. Remember to scan down to find the earliest chapters & work your way up. http://beyonddisorderlyeating.blogspot.com/
A bit of background.... we are working with creative Interactive Self-Hypnosis imagery, planting suggestions directly into the creative subconscious mind as you read along. What appears like a story is a series of self-hypnotic sessions, designed to bring about desired lifestyle changes. The inner mind is creative & rather child-like, loving to play with images, especially when they are emotionalized. Just like the saying, "a picture is worth a thousand words", well-planted mind images, can be worth hours of therapy. We can actually change or motivate in 1/200th of a second. So come along & look forward to some lifestyle-changing events.

MIND SPEAK - SOMETIMES IT IS IN YOUR HEAD

Once the body physiology is in balance, then the rest of the problems sit with the mind programs or habits, as we know them. But, what I'm describing here is more than a habit. It's an ongoing mind-debate between the precocious immature childSelf & the mature, Therapeutic Self. The only reason this is going on is because the Therapeutic Self has allowed it & this is a sign of weakness. When the Therapeutic Self is weak, then the immature childSelf is stronger. A weak Therapeutic Self will never win a debate with a strong-willed childSelf. So, the object of the exercise is to strengthen the Therapeutic Self & this is accomplished through the development of a specific discipline program.

Once the discipline program is designed, the most important thing is to be consistent & persistent. If this sounds like training a child or even a dog, you are right. There is little difference. Let's talk for a moment about what the mature Self knows about the disorderly eating issues & this business of "unfairness." Now, I'm not talking to the immature Self. That part doesn't care a hoot about any of this, but the mature Self does. The Mature Self knows in the depths of it's soul that every time a bad habit is practiced, the habit not only becomes stronger, but another step is taken towards a killer disease. Please underline that truth. Once again, do know that the immature childSelf doesn't care, so don't waste your time arguing your point.

Here's the simple KEY. You must decide what you are not going to discuss with your immature Self. For me, there is never, ever a cookie discussion. Not one word. When the idea/thought appears in the mind, it is X'd out...completely disallowed. I utilize the image of a white screen. It's "as if" I never heard the comments. Whiting out is not the same as ignoring. Whiting out is making something disappear without any consideration or emotion. Again, underline this. No emotion; none whatsoever. Here are some other areas I don't "entertain." Discussions about cake, cookies, candy, going to the gym, buying pizza on the way home from work, car bingeing, night bingeing, ice cream purchasing, or choosing restaurants with an unhealthy menu. I also don't allow any thoughts regarding wishing for bigger portion sizes or heavy-handed bartenders. Not one bit of a thought about any of those subjects...As for "unfairness", my mature Self knows that no one gets away "free" & sad, but true, the piper will always be paid. As for my immature Self, other people's choices are not our business. Period.

Copyright 2009 Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht
May not be copied or reproduced without permission of the author.

Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht is author of Sugar...the Hidden Eating Disorder & How to Lick It. She is also the writer/producer of over 350 mp3/CD programs in the areas of medicine, health, prevention, addictions, self-development & sports for adults & children.

http://www.facebook.com/elizabeth.bohorquez
http://www.twitter.com/elizRN

http://www.hypnosis-audio.com
http://www.sugar-addiction.com
http://www.international-medical-health-writers.com

Undressing Cravings

No one likes to experience cravings & that certainly includes me. Not only can they be physically uncomfortable, but they can also be very emotionally draining. While cravings or hot compulsive desires can be non-food or beverage related, here we're dealing the latter & for now, we'll excuse alcoholic beverages from the discussion. If you're reading this book, you already know that I have a cookie issue, but it doesn't stop there. Most of my cravings are carbohydrate-related & can be binge-attached or not, depending on the intensity of my emotional states. Anyway, one thing for sure, for me there is no such thing as one cookie. I've had specific food cravings for as long as I can remember, some of them being extremely intense, enough to get me into my car & off to the supermarket, even at odd hours. If the market is open, it is fair-game. In the past, whenever we moved, I always checked out which stores were opened the latest, just in case I needed them. Sound like the behavior of an addict? Yes, it is. I used to call this set of finely tuned behaviors, my "addiction-prevention program."

When I was old enough to notice my compulsive & emotional eating issues, I tried not to pay attention to this unbalanced part of me. I preferrred to hang out with my seemingly normal & professional Self. I considered the other part to be both disgusting & frightening. There was even a time in my life when I believed that I could/would kill myself with food. I simply couldn't understand, nor could I stop my out of control eating behaviors. The more I tried, the worse they became. I remember ordering several pizzas for mySelf & when they were delivered, I pretended to call my whole family to the dining room so the delivery man wouldn't know. I've done the same at fast food restaurants, at night in the ice cream container & of course, in supermarkets where no one ever knows who is going to eat what.

Why would someone do this? We already know about the reasons for secret eating, but there are other considerations regarding cravings, with or without bingeing. As I came to understand this, my secret world opened wide enough for me to step out to a completely different place. I'll share this with you in just a moment, but first...

A NOTE TO NEW READERS:

This experiential blog/workshop is based on my new book, "How Many Cookies Will It Take to Make Me Happy?" If you are new to my writing, you might want to read the earlier mini-chapters. They are available on FaceBook, The PublishersMarketPlace & at the following link. Remember to scan down to find the earliest chapters & work your way up. http://beyonddisorderlyeating.blogspot.com/
A bit of background.... we are working with creative Interactive Self-Hypnosis imagery, planting suggestions directly into the creative subconscious mind as you read along. What appears like a story is a series of self-hypnotic sessions, designed to bring about desired lifestyle changes. The inner mind is creative & rather child-like, loving to play with images, especially when they are emotionalized. Just like the saying, "a picture is worth a thousand words", well-planted mind images, can be worth hours of therapy. We can actually change or motivate in 1/200th of a second. So come along & look forward to some lifestyle-changing events.

BODY SPEAK - IT'S NOT ALL IN YOUR HEAD

Today I step out of my dark eating place, knowing that I have a physiological imbalance that is causing a major part of my cravings. Since these have been going on for my whole life, it's obvious why I'm so happy. I realize that there are probably some underlying emotional issues to the cravings, but to have them diminished is a true gift to me. This imbalance has a big name...hyperinsulinemia. It simply means that my pancreas is over-producing insulin in response to the foods I'm eating OR not eating. Because of this, I've also developed something called insulin resistance, which means that my cell receptors are blocked & the insulin that is produced by my pancreas can't burn the stored fat, therefore causing my blood sugars to drop. No wonder I've been feeling so ill! I've been on my way to developing diabetes!

There are parts of me that are delighted with this news, but strangely enough, not all parts. Can you believe it? There are parts of me that don't want to change the way I'm eating. How destructive is that? So, they would rather kill me than have me give up all the junk, bingeing & sugaring? It's a stunning revelation for me to know this part of mySelf & especially how strong it is. I feel like I'm wrestling with superman. I remember reading that's it's best to know your enemy, but how can I be my own enemy?

My Higher Self is here to help me understand. First, I must relax & practice letting go. OK...golden egg time. Once I'm in this place, I can look out & see the childSelf that is having a temper tantrum over the changes that need to take place. That part isn't bad, just mis-guided. It's thinking that I'll never be able to do it, but mainly that the fun is over. It's been found out! It's angry & sad at the same time. It's depressed & furious, but also very frightened, not knowing what will happen next.. I now know that I've been ignoring the true needs of mySelf & instead, have been using food & unhealthy beverages to meet those needs. As I begin to change my food choices & follow the rules of managing hyperinsulinemia, the cravings will diminish & I can meet my emotional/psychological needs in different ways.

Copyright 2009 Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht
May not be copied or reproduced without permission of the author.

Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht is author of Sugar...the Hidden Eating Disorder & How to Lick It. She is also the writer/producer of over 350 mp3/CD programs in the areas of medicine, health, prevention, addictions, self-development & sports for adults & children.

http://www.facebook.com/elizabeth.bohorquez
http://www.twitter.com/elizRN

http://www.hypnosis-audio.com
http://www.sugar-addiction.com
http://www.international-medical-health-writers.com

New Paint & Wallpaper

Our minds are divided into separate areas, just like rooms in a house. Each room has a specific purpose & is decorated following the dictates of our thoughts & emotions. Even if you don't remember OKing the interior decor, you have done so by not disagreeing with the presented thoughts or emotions. Earlier in this book we built some Pods. These are purposeful rooms & as we go further, we'll built some additional ones, but right now, we're working inside our Automatic Journal, reviewing the decor of some rather big rooms that were established very early on in life. The particular room we are in right now actually belongs to me. It's my major "secret room" & in the last chapter you found me cleaning & clearing some of the pictures on the wall that are no longer useful to me, at least in this room. I've already shared with you the purpose of my secret. We all have secrets & each one does have a reason for being. Sometimes they are there for protection & other times to help us feel whole or balanced, even though they tend to leave us more unbalanced than before. My food addictions were a very temporary saving grace during the difficult times of my life. Then, they became habitual, presenting themselves as saviors for all sorts of experiences. The end result was that they brought me to the door of diabetes, one of the major killer diseases. Lucky for me, I was able to wake-up in time to be able to turn around & head down the path towards health.

Earlier on I mentioned that it's a good idea to transmute or change the decor of a big, old room such as an early secret. That way, should the subconscious mind return to it on "auto-pilot", new, healthy programming will be in place, thereby greeting you with very different behaviors. I'll take you back into my personal Automatic Writing Journal so you can observe me doing this, but first...

A NOTE TO NEW READERS:

This experiential blog/workshop is based on my new book, "How Many Cookies Will It Take to Make Me Happy?" If you are new to my writing, you might want to read the earlier mini-chapters. They are available on FaceBook, The PublishersMarketPlace & at the following link. Remember to scan down to find the earliest chapters & work your way up. http://beyonddisorderlyeating.blogspot.com/
A bit of background.... we are working with creative Interactive Self-Hypnosis imagery, planting suggestions directly into the creative subconscious mind as you read along. What appears like a story is a series of self-hypnotic sessions, designed to bring about desired lifestyle changes. The inner mind is creative & rather child-like, loving to play with images, especially when they are emotionalized. Just like the saying, "a picture is worth a thousand words", well-planted mind images, can be worth hours of therapy. We can actually change or motivate in 1/200th of a second. So come along & look forward to some lifestyle-changing events.

JOURNAL SPEAK ENTRY 1991

I've put many of the pictures away...those that were stimulating my secret & disorderly eating. Those memories are powerful for me, but I need to utilize them in a more resourceful way. That is what resilience is all about. I've survived those memories & have become stronger because of them. I'm considering hanging them in a Pod I'm designing that is specific for "power & resilience." But, for now, that wall in here is clear & ready for new paint & wallpaper. I've asked the children, teens & adults who were frequent visitors to the "secret" to help me to choose some of the decorations. I'm surprised that some do not want to participate, preferring to stay in the old, sad & cluttered place. I've been told that this is a part of their Recovery & to respect it. They are fearful of the unknown & will need to come to it more gradually. However, once the room has changed, they will become accustomed to it & before long, will treat this as their new normal environment. I can accept that.

The wallpaper I've chosen is sunny & bright, bring flowers & other images of nature to the surroundings. I also have new photographs for the wall. Some are of happy moments from my past. I especially like remembering my wedding, the birth of my sons & travels to lands far away. One of my childSelves has brought images of roller skating, sleigh riding & playing the clarinet in the orchestra. There is plenty of space for more & as time passes, I'm sure more parts of mySelf will participate. So, we now have a new secret place...rather like a clubhouse....private, safe & secure, but most of all, healthy.

Copyright 2009 Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht
May not be copied or reproduced without permission of the author.

Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht is author of Sugar...the Hidden Eating Disorder & How to Lick It. She is also the writer/producer of over 350 mp3/CD programs in the areas of medicine, health, prevention, addictions, self-development & sports for adults & children.

http://www.facebook.com/elizabeth.bohorquez
http://www.twitter.com/elizRN

http://www.hypnosis-audio.com
http://www.sugar-addiction.com
http://www.international-medical-health-writers.com

Secret Messaging

As we continue to work inside our Automatic Writing Journal, the subconscious mind becomes more giving, now understanding what it is that we need & why we need it. It's important to understand that both the mind & body want to be in homeostasis or balance. The secrets, even though they may seem negative in nature, were formed for the purpose of bringing this balance. The two little girls who shared their secret in the last two blogs, desperately needed the components of their secret to stay safe, for there was no Therapeutic or balanced parent figure available to them.

As they became older, the secret formed a natural part of their life & so it was normal to pass it on to their older Selves. Secrets & other patterned habits or behaviors take on lives of their own, often clearing their own paths & planting new growth, be it positive or negative. Knowing this gives us many options for healing, for there is no need to try destroy or alienate the secret or behavior. Instead, we want to take over the leadership, transmuting it's powerful creativity & energy & aiming it at health & wellness. Truth be known, it is never possible to disengage a very established pattern & simply get rid of it. That would be like locking an uncontrollable child in the closet & thinking that the child's behavior would change once you open the door. Of course, the child who emerges will simply be more unbalanced than before the lock-up.

I've invited readers to step inside my own personal disorderly eating journal & right now we are sharing a subconscious mind experience with two of my early children who have brought their "early editions" of the big secret forward. We have entered a meditative trance state & are now ready to utilize the journal for accessing the inner walls of the secret. But first...

A NOTE TO NEW READERS:

This experiential blog/workshop is based on my new book, "How Many Cookies Will It Take to Make Me Happy?" If you are new to my writing, you might want to read the earlier mini-chapters. They are available on FaceBook, The PublishersMarketPlace & at the following link. Remember to scan down to find the earliest chapters & work your way up. http://beyonddisorderlyeating.blogspot.com/
A bit of background.... we are working with creative Interactive Self-Hypnosis imagery, planting suggestions directly into the creative subconscious mind as you read along. What appears like a story is a series of self-hypnotic sessions, designed to bring about desired lifestyle changes. The inner mind is creative & rather child-like, loving to play with images, especially when they are emotionalized. Just like the saying, "a picture is worth a thousand words", well-planted mind images, can be worth hours of therapy. We can actually change or motivate in 1/200th of a second. So come along & look forward to some lifestyle-changing events.

JOURNAL SPEAK ENTRY 1991

I take the children's hands & head for the door that houses the secret. The doorknob is well-worn & this saddens me. The big "IF"....if I had come to this area sooner, my past Selves would have had a better life experience, but I'm here now & so I'm grateful for that. I check on my own energy level & can feel the confidence & power of my Therapeutic & Higher Selves. Just like monsters under the bed, I'm no longer the child, but a mature adult, knowing I can take care of this. As we step inside, the clutter is overwhelming, rather like a child's room that had never been cleaned & organized. It gives me the impression that no one has ever been in charge here & the room is begging for help. There are no monsters here, just a lack of joy & peace. Someone is coming towards me, introducing herSelf as the part of me in charge of the secret. She is quite lovely, but desheveled, as if she had no time to take care of her person. She tells me that she's been waiting for me, as if she'd only been waiting since yesterday, instead of decades. There is no anger or distrust, just relief that I've finally come to take charge.

I'm led to the wall where pictures are displayed. I recognize some of them, but others I had long forgotten, but now realize how connected they are to the secret & my eating issues. They have supported this room for years & now need to be taken down, for they are no longer needed. I had never realized that I was the only one who could do this. In the past, I looked to other family members & friends to energize me to take control of my life, never succeeding & always left wondering. Now it's clear. Boxes have appeared & I take the pictures down, packing them away. My Father's death, my Mother's depression, my inability to share my inner pain, my low self-image & esteem that went on & on, no date for the prom, boyfriends who abandoned, images of masks worn by my teenage & young adult selves, images representing insecurity & sadness, so many even traveling through yesterday, the secret so alive, yet dead.

I clean & clear, opening areas that had been ignored for most of my life. The woman of the secret is very helpful & for this I'm grateful. No monsters live here....just beautiful children & adults, patiently waiting for me to be self-responsible & mature. Healing is happening now...

Copyright 2009 Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht
May not be copied or reproduced without permission of the author.

Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht is author of Sugar...the Hidden Eating Disorder & How to Lick It. She is also the writer/producer of over 350 mp3/CD programs in the areas of medicine, health, prevention, addictions, self-development & sports for adults & children.

http://www.facebook.com/elizabeth.bohorquez
http://www.twitter.com/elizRN

http://www.hypnosis-audio.com
http://www.sugar-addiction.com
http://www.international-medical-health-writers.com

Secret Stories & Their Power

The past & the future are all fiction. Even if something really happened, it's not happening now & therefore it is fiction. Only the present moment is in the "now" & of course, is very rapidly becoming the fictionalized past. This is a very important concept, because all fiction can be edited. My Automatic Writing Journal was to become an important vehicle for doing just this. My attitude towards recovery would end up determining how much my past childSelves would be willing to show me. I was already realizing that when I entertained them, it was best to remain quiet, peaceful, but assertive.

I know that I must take the leadership position, even though the idea of it overwhelms me, for this is the only way that I can heal & stay on the path in daily recovery. Managing food issues means being in charge all the time, through all the ups & downs, just like a good parent. During my early years I couldn't do this for mySelf & had to rely on those around me to be good parents, teachers & healers. Unfortunately, like most people, I didn't have the best role models for adulthood, but this is not a blame game. The past is past & now I am in charge of what goes on in my life. I remember that I'm the writer, director & producer. It is time to go into the old clutter & clean it out, even though some of my childSelves may not be eager to let go. And, this is understandable. They have harbored much of this for a very long time. So, I must be gentle & strong at the same time.

I'm currently in the middle of a working meditation & journaling session. The children have arrived by the colorful train & are on the pages of my journal. Some are writing messages, others just sitting quietly, just as I did as a child, never wanting to upset the rather fragile applecart of my existence. I'm rather stunned by the number of quiet, perhaps mildly depressed young children, as well as some in their teen years. My younger adult Selves have many masks & this does not surprise me. In the future, I'll have to collect these, allowing their true Selves to come out & be respected. There is no longer a reason to hide anything, but I'm understanding that this will be a continuous learning process. Once the clutter is removed & the corners are swept out, there will also be no reason to self-medicate with food.

The Therapeutic Self Teacher is suggesting that we have storytime. This will give the opportunity to those children, who are ready, to tell of their experiences, including their secrets. The children are very comfortable in the meditative process, feeling safe & eager to participate. I've never felt so at peace with my innerSelves, nor have I ever been so free from inner confusion & turmoil. The Automatic Writing Journal entry that follows comes from one of my original journals that I started to address my compulsive, emotional & secret eating issues...but first

A NOTE TO NEW READERS:

This experiential blog/workshop is based on my new book, "How Many Cookies Will It Take to Make Me Happy?" If you are new to my writing, you might want to read the earlier mini-chapters. They are available on FaceBook, The PublishersMarketPlace & at the following link. Remember to scan down to find the earliest chapters & work your way up. http://beyonddisorderlyeating.blogspot.com/
A bit of background.... we are working with creative Interactive Self-Hypnosis imagery, planting suggestions directly into the creative subconscious mind as you read along. What appears like a story is a series of self-hypnotic sessions, designed to bring about desired lifestyle changes. The inner mind is creative & rather child-like, loving to play with images, especially when they are emotionalized. Just like the saying, "a picture is worth a thousand words", well-planted mind images, can be worth hours of therapy. We can actually change or motivate in 1/200th of a second. So come along & look forward to some lifestyle-changing events.

JOURNAL SPEAK ENTRY 1991

The two little girls that I mentioned in my last blog are by my side, but just wanting to sit on my lap. I first hold one & then the other. They rest comfortably against me & I can feel the weight of their bodies as they go into deep relax. I notice the little black drops exiting their fingertips, remembering the exercise I practiced earlier in the book. I lean down & pick up some of the debris that formed from the black drops, noticing that I'm being instructed to place these on my journal page. As I do, the stories begin to emerge, writing themselves. These are stories of intense insecurity that followed the death of my father. My mother, lost in her own shock & depression, was completely unable to mother the children & so the children were left to mother the mother. The children believed that if they didn't take care of the mother's needs, then she might abandon just as the father had done.

There was no happiness or joy to be had. No positive energy was to be found in any paragraph of the story. Imaginary monsters lurked in the basement & in the attic, just waiting for the child to relax so it could pounce. The children became police officers & had no one to tell about their inner life & so the secret life was born. This was the youngest form of the "unbalanced Self." Young in years, but old in ideas. If food could be taken & hidden, then the child could go to it, as a baby goes to a pacifier. For without the secret, there was no pacifier because everyone use guarded the food & embarrassed the child for taking it.

No one could ever know about the secret, because it was what sustained the children during this period. The secret lived on by being passed to each child on it's birthday. This was especially meaningful because the father left for heaven on the birthday. With each birthday the secret & accompanying fantasy became more powerful, as did the guarding. The older child was responsible for it's safety, as well as for finding new ways to find heightened enjoyment within it. Sometimes it meant opening new avenues, such as stealing & hiding the loot. Other times it meant inflicting harm on either the child, herself or on someone else. But, the food was always at the center of the secret & would continue to be so, until the day of this journal entry.

Copyright 2009 Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht
May not be copied or reproduced without permission of the author.

Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht is author of Sugar...the Hidden Eating Disorder & How to Lick It. She is also the writer/producer of over 350 mp3/CD programs in the areas of medicine, health, prevention, addictions, self-development & sports for adults & children.

http://www.facebook.com/elizabeth.bohorquez
http://www.twitter.com/elizRN

http://www.hypnosis-audio.com
http://www.sugar-addiction.com
http://www.international-medical-health-writers.com

Journal Speak

Teachers arrive when they are needed & often dressed in surprising ways. I was new to Automatic Journaling & so when I took pen to paper to help manage my compulsive & emotional eating issues, I honestly thought this would be like other journaling I'd done in the past. I'd write about what my day was like, what emotions hung around, what I ate, etc. But I was soon to find out that in Automatic Journaling, not only do the journal & the pen have lives of their own, but the images that visited the pages would also be participating. These would include my past Selves, my emotions, as well as my behaviors & experiences. Everything had a life & had something to say & all would be TEACHERS in new coats. While I was certainly going to be an active participant, I was also being invited to be a special kind of observer of my deepest Self.

Quite honestly, before this adventure into recovery, I never thought much about mySelf, except for the most mundane things. I simply got up each morning & did my best to get through my day. I certainly had goals, but now I was coming to understand that what I had were not goals at all, but "ideas about goals," & I certainly had plenty of those, especially about my eating issues. As I review this in my mind, I realize that I was obsessive about wanting to lose weight & stop the emotional eating, but I also had a deep aversion to thinking about it. I could call this denial, but it had deeper roots that needed to be brought to the light & explored. A bit of history... I had been either dieting or placed on a diet from the time I was seven. I remember my Mother taking me to the local doctor, not because I was overweight, but because I simply ate too much. The local doctor obliged my Mother's concern by giving me three little match boxes, each one filled with a different color "amphetamine", to be taken before each meal, thus my introduction to "uppers." Many things changed for me that day, for I now considered myself fat & owning abnormal eating behaviors. Once again, I was seven.

When I began experiencing Automatic Journaling, I was very eager to meet up with my early Selves, especially those with serious disorderly eating injuries. That seven year old was one that I wanted to get to know, but there were many, many others. As I looked down my past path, my Journal told me that I could request all of these past Selves to step forward & since I was requesting this in "self-hypnosis", my subconscious mind would take care of the invitational list. i didn't have to personally remember each one & more importantly, I would just be an observer, not feeling their original pain. Once I decided to do this, I became somewhat excited, just as if I were putting together a real family reunion. I secretly wondered who would come & what memories they would bring with them. By this time I already knew how to work with my Therapeutic Self that included my inner Parent, Teacher & Healer/Physician. I knew how to disassociate from my co-dependent Self & to enter my Golden Egg. My unbalanced Self was now being very cooperative & even helpful. My addicted childSelf was out from behind her wall & asking to be helpful. Now, all I thought I needed was to meet up with the injured Selves from my past, have them change their emotional coats & heal them iin some way. I wasn't exactly sure how this would happen, but intuitively I knew that this would happen without my having to do anything.

I'd like to invite you into one of my early Journals where I did some of my original inner work, but first...

A NOTE TO NEW READERS:

This experiential blog/workshop is based on my new book, "How Many Cookies Will It Take to Make Me Happy?" If you are new to my writing, you might want to read the earlier mini-chapters. They are available on FaceBook, The PublishersMarketPlace & at the following link. Remember to scan down to find the earliest chapters & work your way up. http://beyonddisorderlyeating.blogspot.com/
A bit of background.... we are working with creative Interactive Self-Hypnosis imagery, planting suggestions directly into the creative subconscious mind as you read along. What appears like a story is a series of self-hypnotic sessions, designed to bring about desired lifestyle changes. The inner mind is creative & rather child-like, loving to play with images, especially when they are emotionalized. Just like the saying, "a picture is worth a thousand words", well-planted mind images, can be worth hours of therapy. We can actually change or motivate in 1/200th of a second. So come along & look forward to some lifestyle-changing events.

JOURNAL SPEAK ENTRY 1991

Today I'm entering meditation & setting the stage for the family reunion of sorts. I'm asking those injured Selves to come forward & present themSelves on the page of my Journal. Automatic Journaling is an exercise in Self-hypnosis & so the images are also presenting themselves. A very colorful train has arrived, vividly painted & rather party-like. I'm a bit relieved to know the mood is a festive one. I can see & sense my visitors exiting the train & coming towards the meeting place which seems to be a huge piece of paper. I'm assuming this is a page from my Journal. Everyone seems excited to write something & so I'll just sit back & wait to receive the messages. The youngest children are being helped by my Therapeutic Self. I can feel the power of the Parent, Teacher & Healer. The children are relaxed as they communicate. I'm learning how sad & confused they were, truly not understanding why they were so criticized. They were afraid to question the authority figures. Those included my Mother & the doctor. They were also very embarrassed, feeling that their secrets were going to be exposed. I'm now remembering how many secrets there were & my Journal is suggesting that we'll all benefit from entering some of the secrets & cleaning them up. Yes, I would like to do this, but I'm now reminded that the children will have to give their permission. Of course...for these are their secrets.

I've asked two of my early children to come nearer to me. One is five years old & has bags of Halloween candy. She played hookey from school, so she could be first at all the houses. She also had a change of costume, so she could go back a second time. A very clever child, but one willing to be devious in order to get the candy. I'm thinking that she knows some secrets about why I'm so sugar-addicted & I truly want to bring this to the light, knowing it will help me in my current life. The other child is the seven year old. She had some major issues & had secretly stayed home from school, almost daily. I was a latch-key kid & so my Mother never knew about this. I believe this child has the clues to the start of my anxiety/panic disorder. This is so important to me & I want to encourage her to open up here.


Copyright 2009 Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht
May not be copied or reproduced without permission of the author.

Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht is author of Sugar...the Hidden Eating Disorder & How to Lick It. She is also the writer/producer of over 350 mp3/CD programs in the areas of medicine, health, prevention, addictions, self-development & sports for adults & children.

http://www.facebook.com/elizabeth.bohorquez
http://www.twitter.com/elizRN

http://www.hypnosis-audio.com
http://www.sugar-addiction.com
http://www.international-medical-health-writers.com

Experiential Automatic Journaling

Automatic journaling is a very beneficial tool for recovery & self-growth. I utilize it with all of my patients, as well as for mySelf. I've been journaling in this way for several decades, always finding new ways to integrate it into my life. When I began journaling, it wasn't uncommon for me to sit in front of my notebook with a blank stare. This was a form of writer's block & one that made me very uncomfortable. How could I have nothing to say to mySelf? I soon came to understand that my mind was so disorganized in this area of my life that it literally locked-up. It was also clear to me that I was somewhat frightened of what would come off of my pen. To this day I only journal with pen & paper, not on the computer. The main reason for this is that it takes longer to write than to type, thus giving time for the subconscious mind to kick in. I've tried both ways & even though I prefer to type, the results are much better in long hand.

For those of you who are new to automatic journaling, here are a few things that I do & that you may find useful. I tend to choose the early morning for journaling, even if it means getting up a bit earlier. In a way, it's a form of early morning prayer...honoring yourSelf with a special meeting. I meditate for about five minutes. That seems sufficient for clearing the mind of early morning chatter. As I mentioned, when I started to journal, I didn't know what to write. Sometimes I wrote just that. "I don't know what to write." That was all it took for the subconscious mind to take over. "Why don't you know what to write?" And so, the conversation took off. There are times when I have something very specific to discuss with those Higher Parts of mySelf, perhaps things I don't understand, fear I may have, obstacles in my life, areas of my life that I know need some improvement, things I may want to attract, including better management of emotions, or clarifying my value system. In this type of journaling, just about anything is possible. I've had conversations with images or symbols in my dreams, wanting to know why they appeared & how I could benefit from their messages. I've even had conversations with my car engine & was surprised at the rather accurate suggestions. Now, I know this may sound a bit off base, but it isn't. If you have interest in this particular realm of communication, pick up any book by Jose Silva.

Today, I'm going to share some personal interactions I've had with my early Addictive Self. I've been in contact with that part of me for decades now & our relationship has been instrumental in keeping me at a high level of health & performance. But first...

A NOTE TO NEW READERS:

This experiential blog/workshop is based on my new book, "How Many Cookies Will It Take to Make Me Happy?" If you are new to my writing, you might want to read the earlier mini-chapters. They are available on FaceBook, The PublishersMarketPlace & at the following link. Remember to scan down to find the earliest chapters & work your way up. http://beyonddisorderlyeating.blogspot.com/
A bit of background.... we are working with creative Interactive Self-Hypnosis imagery, planting suggestions directly into the creative subconscious mind as you read along. What appears like a story is a series of self-hypnotic sessions, designed to bring about desired lifestyle changes. The inner mind is creative & rather child-like, loving to play with images, especially when they are emotionalized. Just like the saying, "a picture is worth a thousand words", well-planted mind images, can be worth hours of therapy. We can actually change or motivate in 1/200th of a second. So come along & look forward to some lifestyle-changing events.

MY ADDICTIVE SELF - JOURNAL ENTRY 1991

I had been afraid of this part of mySelf for many decades. My childhood fear of this part of me was somethat different from my adult fear. When I was a child I was simply afraid of getting caught eating things that belonged to others. I remember calculating how many cookies I could eat without my mother noticing. I was about five years old at that time. I do remember the Addictive Self trying to goad me into eating beyond that amount, but my fear kept me in line. As I got older, the fear didn't work any longer because I was freer to get my substance of choice....food. Of course, this meant more hiding & secret behaviors, but in a way, I enjoyed them. This part of my behavior was exactly the opposite of how I appeared to others. The secrets in themselves were exciting & addictive.

Today I've decided to invite my Addictive Self to come out of hiding & meet me on my journal page. It's interesting that she has no fear of me & is already conversing through the end of my pen. I'm surprised at how friendly she is & eager to engage me. There is no mention of our secret life together. It's almost like we were very old friends & now have time to catch up. She's very interested in what I'm doing & why I'm doing it. This is good because it shows me that she is caring. I needed to know that. Part of me is expecting the manipulation, but I'm not seeing that yet. I'm going to try not to anticipate that behavior, because I know that I might just get what I don't want. I want to trust her & to have her follow me, instead of taking over my life. I tell her this & it seems to relax her. I'm coming to understand that she wants me to lead. I ask her about this & she tells me that she never wanted to harm me, but was helping me to relax in my very tense life. She's not apologetic & I'm ok with that. After all, she was trying to be helpful & having no leadership, she simply did her best.

I have a lot to share with her because of the seriousness of my addictions & how sick I've been, knocking on the door of adult onset diabetes. She doesn't seem interested in this & while I wish she was, I do understand that she is part of my "lower Self"....a childSelf. It would be like expecting my young daughter to understand the seriousness of a medical condition when all she wants to do is go out & play. However, I do want her to recognize some of the big issues that have become habitual for her, such as wanting to binge in the car on the way home from work & to wake up to eat in the middle of the night. Those are dangerous & unacceptable habits that will stop immediately. I tell her some of the other things that will also stop....carefully listing them, but presenting them in a quiet, assertive manner, that of a good leader. I also ask her to repeat these to me & show her mind images of healthy behaviors. She wants to know if she can help.....that's a good sign. All in all, it's been a good meeting today.

Copyright 2009 Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht
May not be copied or reproduced without permission of the author.

Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht is author of Sugar...the Hidden Eating Disorder & How to Lick It. She is also the writer/producer of over 350 mp3/CD programs in the areas of medicine, health, prevention, addictions, self-development & sports for adults & children.

http://www.facebook.com/elizabeth.bohorquez
http://www.twitter.com/elizRN

http://www.hypnosis-audio.com
http://www.sugar-addiction.com
http://www.international-medical-health-writers.com