My Journal Master greets me before I even sit down. I'm under the impression that something very important is going to be shared today. I have mixed emotions, both excited and frightened because important things mean that something is going to change. It has to. I cannot be made aware and not change. Just knowing something means that a door has been opened and that whatever is behind it is no longer hidden.
I remember that the "talking fingers" told me that they would show me how they are connected to my eating and other compulsive issues. I'm worried that this connection may make it impossible for me to manage any of them, because when things are too big, then they are unmanageable.
"Just stop. You are already planning to fail. And, you know very well that when you plan to fail, that's just what you'll will do, then blaming it on whatever is convenient."
Having an active Journal Master is like living with one's coach. I can't get away with anything, not even a thought or some jotting on a piece of paper.
"Why would you want to get away with anything? I would have thought that you were past that childish behavior? So, I say to you, "grow up and get on with it. It's time to leave the pram and get on with your life issues. If not now, when?"
Yes, something important is going to happen today. My ten fingers are stretched out before me. Goodness, I'd better not tell anyone that I'm having an ongoing conversation with my fingers! But, then again, why not? Body parts are living and they don't get to make choices on their own. As I think this through, what finger would actually ask another finger to pick it's cuticle or pull off it's nail that it took so much time to grow? So, this has nothing to do with the fingers. They are the victims in all of this and I do want to know what they know, because they are in touch with other parts of "me" that are doing this to them. Oh...now they are making sense. That in itself is a bit frightening to me. I'm thinking that if they can talk to me, what about my other parts? Does my stomach have something to say about the food I ate yesterday?
One finger has been designated the spokesperson. It's number #3, the one I've picked on for years. I'm embarrassed to face this particular finger, for I have no idea why #3 has been my finger of choice. I'm actually surprised that it speaks to me in a kind, compassionate voice. If someone had picked on me for years, I would hardly be willingly to be helpful.
#3 speaks..."There is always a benefit for a behavior. Habits are simply repeated behaviors, but always having a benefit. You know that you don't pick continuously. In fact there are years when you never picked. Remember? If you look back, in those years your "use of compulsive behaviors" was almost nil. While you have a history or arsenal of compulsions to choose from, you only use them when you need them. If you look back over different segments of your life, your time-line, match up your highest use of compulsions with what was happening during those times. Then you can enter those areas hypnotically and gather important information that will allow you to re-program the history of compulsion use."
I ask #3, "If something has past, how can it be re-programmed?"
My Journal Master steps in. "Everything, past, present or future can be programmed or re-programmed. That's the way the subconscious mind works. Think of it as an editing process. You write a book. The words are there. Then, you go back and change the words. The book is changed or edited. When you read the book, you read the edited version. Your reactions are based on that version. It's the same with other mind programs. While many of your compulsive programs are heavily etched in your subconscious mind, you can still re-edit them. It may take a bit more time, but it is possible. Remember, first you must locate what you choose to re-edit. In the past you didn't do that, but used a strong discipline. While you are a good disciplinarian, that is not the best way to change because you falter when stress rises and the going gets tough."
I begin to think now. It would be best to meditate on all of this. Once relaxed, I'm going to travel my time-line, looking for the high compulsion areas and the connected life experiences. I'd like to gather these before entering the areas. Somehow I believe that will be easier. Perhaps then, one will heal another more quickly. Yes, this seems to be the right choice. I know this because my body and breath change with the arrival of the idea.
I thank #3 and the other seven. I'm going to my meditation chair now.
