About the shadow bag...
I really don't have to open it in order to manage your compulsive issues, but I may choose to have a look some other time. There are useful things in there, things that can help me in many parts of my life even though they are heavy. The good news is that I don't have to pull it around. I can just leave it by the side of the path. No one is going to bother it, and then I'll come back when I feel like it and begin to empty it out.
I've been working with my ten fingers. They suggested that I give them some self-hypnotic guidelines.... a new ritual of sorts. There are things they simply aren't allowed to do and other things that they can do. The creative part of me finds this somewhat amusing.
My Journal Master has joined the meeting I'm having with my ten fingers. It's suggested that I learn more about my life-long habit, for it is an opportunity for me to get to know myself better. I'm interested in knowing more about this. Even though I've had this habit since childhood, each time I do it "it is different." This blows my mind. I've always believed that the same habit has continued, but now I realize that's not true. The biting/picking that I did at age 7 or 12 or 30 were all different from anything I did yesterday or today.
I often have no recollection of ever starting or stopping my nail picking action. So will it really be possible for me to stop? What's even more upsetting, is that often I don't want to stop and I can inflict heavy damage to my fingers without even feeling the pain.
One finger has been designated as the "speaker." Her name is #3. I'm rather embarrassed that she was chosen because she's my most favorite finger to pick on. I come to find out that she is very knowledgeable. I apologize to her before she speaks, thanking her for sharing her insights.
"Because your pain sensors are dulled by the negative hypnotic trance of the habit, it can be quite amazing how much pain needs to be inflicted before you wake up to it. This particular facet of nail biting and skin picking makes it very different from other pain-causing, self-destructive habits such as pinching or cutting. You may awaken at the sign of blood or when you have reached a certain level of destruction, often programmed into your own subconscious mind. Once the awakening occurs, the pain can then be felt and you may find yourself focusing on this, then choosing to stop the destruction. It's interesting to note that you may or may not stop automatically when this specific level of destruction or pain occurs. It's as if the mind has it's own rules about this, and in a way it does.
Let's explore this a bit further. The subconscious mind appears to have an internal censor that determines how much destruction will be acceptable. You will unconsciously go to this acceptable level and then stop. Sometimes that level is set quite high and so the damage might be quite extensive. I think this is what is happening to you now, especially in relation to me....#3. You might also have an inner mind program with a lower acceptable level, providing less damage, but still disallowing yourself to be completely free of the habit. I know you are aware of this. It's like living with a teasing monster. You may think you have finished, but for some reason you can never achieve the "perfect ten." This in itself is a terrible self-punishment. The habit becomes a controlling force within your personality, often working to destroy your self-image and self-esteem.
Let's work with self-hypnosis...
Get to the mind screen through the usual route. Image or simply think yourself biting or picking. Don't turn away. This is simply in front of you and it is very important to look and observe. Notice there is a number up in the right hand corner with a dial sitting right next to it. The number corresponds to when your subconscious mind agrees to wake you up to what you are doing. You might also notice that the level of self-destruction is also indicated. Play with the dial, first turning it way up and then way down. There is a number that indicates less damage, but still allowing biting or picking. Obviously the behavior will be less than the higher numbers that are connected to the more severe damage. Find that number, observing the image. There is also the digit called zero, indicating no biting, no picking and therefore, no damage.
I'd like you to program the first number, the one that wakes you up earlier, the one with less damage, but still allowing the biting or picking. This is an excellent place to begin because it is here that you will begin to build your awareness. Noticing your image, allow it to relax deeper into the moment. Change your breathing...change the pace of the movement...if the fingers are in your mouth, remove them gently, placing them on your relaxed abdomen that is going slowly up and down. Allow your fingers to ride the abdomen, just as if they were sitting on a merry-go-round horse. If the you in the image is picking cuticles, or other areas, gently bring the fingers to the merry-go-round horse.
ACTIVE AFFIRMATION: Please plant this in the way that you already know.
I am in charge of my subconscious mind dial. I decide the level of activity between my fingers and other parts of my body.
We'll meet again later and I'll show you how we are connected to your eating and other issues...
