Tuesday, July 07, 2009
Teachers arrive when they are needed & often dressed in surprising ways. I was new to Automatic Journaling & so when I took pen to paper to help manage my compulsive & emotional eating issues, I honestly thought this would be like other journaling I'd done in the past. I'd write about what my day was like, what emotions hung around, what I ate, etc. But I was soon to find out that in Automatic Journaling, not only do the journal & the pen have lives of their own, but the images that visited the pages would also be participating. These would include my past Selves, my emotions, as well as my behaviors & experiences. Everything had a life & had something to say & all would be TEACHERS in new coats. While I was certainly going to be an active participant, I was also being invited to be a special kind of observer of my deepest Self.
Quite honestly, before this adventure into recovery, I never thought much about mySelf, except for the most mundane things. I simply got up each morning & did my best to get through my day. I certainly had goals, but now I was coming to understand that what I had were not goals at all, but "ideas about goals," & I certainly had plenty of those, especially about my eating issues. As I review this in my mind, I realize that I was obsessive about wanting to lose weight & stop the emotional eating, but I also had a deep aversion to thinking about it. I could call this denial, but it had deeper roots that needed to be brought to the light & explored. A bit of history... I had been either dieting or placed on a diet from the time I was seven. I remember my Mother taking me to the local doctor, not because I was overweight, but because I simply ate too much. The local doctor obliged my Mother's concern by giving me three little match boxes, each one filled with a different color "amphetamine", to be taken before each meal, thus my introduction to "uppers." Many things changed for me that day, for I now considered myself fat & owning abnormal eating behaviors. Once again, I was seven.
When I began experiencing Automatic Journaling, I was very eager to meet up with my early Selves, especially those with serious disorderly eating injuries. That seven year old was one that I wanted to get to know, but there were many, many others. As I looked down my past path, my Journal told me that I could request all of these past Selves to step forward & since I was requesting this in "self-hypnosis", my subconscious mind would take care of the invitational list. i didn't have to personally remember each one & more importantly, I would just be an observer, not feeling their original pain. Once I decided to do this, I became somewhat excited, just as if I were putting together a real family reunion. I secretly wondered who would come & what memories they would bring with them. By this time I already knew how to work with my Therapeutic Self that included my inner Parent, Teacher & Healer/Physician. I knew how to disassociate from my co-dependent Self & to enter my Golden Egg. My unbalanced Self was now being very cooperative & even helpful. My addicted childSelf was out from behind her wall & asking to be helpful. Now, all I thought I needed was to meet up with the injured Selves from my past, have them change their emotional coats & heal them iin some way. I wasn't exactly sure how this would happen, but intuitively I knew that this would happen without my having to do anything.
I'd like to invite you into one of my early Journals where I did some of my original inner work, but first...
A NOTE TO NEW READERS:
This experiential blog/workshop is based on my new book, "How Many Cookies Will It Take to Make Me Happy?" If you are new to my writing, you might want to read the earlier mini-chapters. They are available on FaceBook, The PublishersMarketPlace & at the following link. Remember to scan down to find the earliest chapters & work your way up. http://beyonddisorderlyeating.blogspot.com/
A bit of background.... we are working with creative Interactive Self-Hypnosis imagery, planting suggestions directly into the creative subconscious mind as you read along. What appears like a story is a series of self-hypnotic sessions, designed to bring about desired lifestyle changes. The inner mind is creative & rather child-like, loving to play with images, especially when they are emotionalized. Just like the saying, "a picture is worth a thousand words", well-planted mind images, can be worth hours of therapy. We can actually change or motivate in 1/200th of a second. So come along & look forward to some lifestyle-changing events.
JOURNAL SPEAK ENTRY 1991
Today I'm entering meditation & setting the stage for the family reunion of sorts. I'm asking those injured Selves to come forward & present themSelves on the page of my Journal. Automatic Journaling is an exercise in Self-hypnosis & so the images are also presenting themselves. A very colorful train has arrived, vividly painted & rather party-like. I'm a bit relieved to know the mood is a festive one. I can see & sense my visitors exiting the train & coming towards the meeting place which seems to be a huge piece of paper. I'm assuming this is a page from my Journal. Everyone seems excited to write something & so I'll just sit back & wait to receive the messages. The youngest children are being helped by my Therapeutic Self. I can feel the power of the Parent, Teacher & Healer. The children are relaxed as they communicate. I'm learning how sad & confused they were, truly not understanding why they were so criticized. They were afraid to question the authority figures. Those included my Mother & the doctor. They were also very embarrassed, feeling that their secrets were going to be exposed. I'm now remembering how many secrets there were & my Journal is suggesting that we'll all benefit from entering some of the secrets & cleaning them up. Yes, I would like to do this, but I'm now reminded that the children will have to give their permission. Of course...for these are their secrets.
I've asked two of my early children to come nearer to me. One is five years old & has bags of Halloween candy. She played hookey from school, so she could be first at all the houses. She also had a change of costume, so she could go back a second time. A very clever child, but one willing to be devious in order to get the candy. I'm thinking that she knows some secrets about why I'm so sugar-addicted & I truly want to bring this to the light, knowing it will help me in my current life. The other child is the seven year old. She had some major issues & had secretly stayed home from school, almost daily. I was a latch-key kid & so my Mother never knew about this. I believe this child has the clues to the start of my anxiety/panic disorder. This is so important to me & I want to encourage her to open up here.
Copyright 2009 Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht
May not be copied or reproduced without permission of the author.
Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht is author of Sugar...the Hidden Eating Disorder & How to Lick It. She is also the writer/producer of over 350 mp3/CD programs in the areas of medicine, health, prevention, addictions, self-development & sports for adults & children.