Thursday, July 23, 2009

The Bully Factor

It's wonderful to wake up to the realization that you are in charge of your own life, but that doesn't mean that the other people you share your life with will just hand you the shovel they were using to dig in your life garden, then walk walk away nicely, waving good-bye & wishing you well. Most life occupants know nothing of paths, boundaries, what's yours & what's theirs & quite honestly, have little interest in your "awakening" & new commitment to change. While some may be o.k. with it, others may feel relatively negative in response to your new positive outlook. This negativity can show itself in a variety of ways from simple annoyance to outright anger, perhaps even sticking a foot out, hoping that you will trip. A lot will depend on your past relationship with the "occupant", or in some instances, the auto-pilot emotional patterns that inhabit this particular person. When the foot is attached to someone you love, it can be both confusing & painful, perhaps evoking a very negative counter-response...even another foot exchange. And don't forget, there is also the issue of picking a fight with the emotions of others & also self-inflicted tripping.

There are so many different types & levels of emotional exchanges. Even positive ones can act like blocks or barriers when one is in recovery from disorderly eating. When I began working therapeutically with my own compulsive/emotional eating, it seemed like I was down for the count, more than I was up. Once I began practicing "heightened awareness", I could see how my failure patterns formed & how I had given others the power to block me, even in happy times. In fact, as I revisited my past time line, it was clear that I secretly wished for these blocks to be placed in front of me, sometimes even inviting them openly with specific conversation or behaviors. A common one for me & that I find in many of my patients is to start food conversations, usually meant to lead to something else, like a suggestion to go out to lunch or to bring donuts to the office. I remember another devious behavior....walking by the office candy jar & joking "please don't offer me one." Playing the victim is another insidious game, inviting others to feel sorry for you. Perhaps reading a restaurant menu & making comments about what you can't choose, but others can. "Oh what I wouldn't give for a piece of pizza." Here you are evoking uncomfortable emotions within youSelf, then inviting others into your pain, often blaming them when you fall down.

Waking up, becoming aware & dealing with your emotional games & those of the other occupants who share our life experience needs some special tools, but before I share these with you...


This experiential blog/workshop is based on my new book, "How Many Cookies Will It Take to Make Me Happy?" If you are new to my writing, you might want to read the earlier mini-chapters. They are available on FaceBook, The PublishersMarketPlace & at the following link. Remember to scan down to find the earliest chapters & work your way up.
A bit of background.... we are working with creative Interactive Self-Hypnosis imagery, planting suggestions directly into the creative subconscious mind as you read along. What appears like a story is a series of self-hypnotic sessions, designed to bring about desired lifestyle changes. The inner mind is creative & rather child-like, loving to play with images, especially when they are emotionalized. Just like the saying, "a picture is worth a thousand words", well-planted mind images, can be worth hours of therapy. We can actually change or motivate in 1/200th of a second. So come along & look forward to some lifestyle-changing events.


Until I started working with my Therapeutic Self & working inside my automatic writing journal, I never realized how difficult I made my own life. In fact, most of the things I complained about, including my eating issues, where self-inflicted. That's not to say that others didn't provoke me, but in many instances I brought them into the trenches. Sometimes I didn't want to be alone to solve my own problems & other times I wanted attention. Does this sound like a child? Of course it does. While the childSelf does not make recovery happen, it is a very important catalyst for change. That's why we want to read the child's emotional coats very well, for they hold the secrets that are woven through the fabric of the problem.

The practice of self-hypnotic imagery or imaginology is extremely helpful, especially when coupled with heightened awareness. While it's great to be able to see something clearly, one has to then do something with what one uncovers. Seeing mySelf practicing "victim" was not a pretty sight & in the beginning I was rather horrified at the emotional coats that my childSelf wore. She was a bit of an embarrassment, but adding these new negative emotions to the "victim", certainly wasn't going to help me manage my emotional/compulsive eating. In fact, it would worsen it. These are instances of sel-tripping & need to be disallowed. This is a place in time when we practice "disassociation" or moving out of the circus of the world & into the golden egg. If you don't know what I'm talking about, please go back & read those earlier chapters. In short, we are separating our mature or Therapeutic Self from the childSelf & from this position, we will discipline the unsavory behavior. I'll go over this exercise in the next blog. So what about the other's who are bullying or trying to trip, aware or not? This is another instance where we will disassociate & then ....surprise....discipline our own childSelf, for it is the reaction of our childSelf & not our Therapeutic or mature Self that is having the issue.


Copyright 2009 Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht
May not be copied or reproduced without permission of the author.

Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht is author of Sugar...the Hidden Eating Disorder & How to Lick It. She is also the writer/producer of over 350 mp3/CD programs in the areas of medicine, health, prevention, addictions, self-development & sports for adults & children.