Monday, August 17, 2009
Be clear...emotional eating & the binge is not about the food. Like the iceberg, the main components are located below the surface. So, it was one thing to take my addictive childSelf out of hiding, but quite another thing to deal with the causative factors & her "foodie mantra." Willingness to change means willingness to become aware & until that permission is granted, it is rarely possible to get a full view of the true problem & such was the case regarding my food thoughts, bingeing & obsessions. By inviting my childSelf out of hiding, permission was granted for me to enter the food behavior hiding place that is located well below the surface..deep in my subconscious mind
Despite gaining permission, I remember stalling at the door to this area, somewhat frightened of what I would find. It is not easy to enter into pure honesty. Despite my nervousness, my addictive childSelf pulled me energetically, probably thinking I was going to join her in the old hangouts, but of course, this was not to be. Instead, we were going to stand side-by-side, while I reviewed the extent of what had already happened & the already present ramifications. These would be hard to own, because what was done was done. However, I had my futureSelves to consider & I needed to know specifically what wouldn't be happening ever again. As I "read" my body sensations, I could feel anxiety & inner-trembling, probably the anticipation of having to face up to my weaknesses & then accepting the finality of letting go....this was to be a true & difficult commitment, but one that was necessary for healing, not only for my body, but for my mind as well. I had lived a life of lies, excuses & hiding & all of these would be leaving at the same time. There would be no discussion, no guilt...no shame...but I did expect a tremendous feeling of loss & that was to be.
The childSelf did need to stand by my side, but it's important to know that she was not truly participating in the seriousness of the experience, for the addictive child does not understand, nor care to understand the serious impact of over-eating, under-eating or eating foods that have no nutritious value. Her interests are found only in the special ritual that accompanies the eating, including the excitement of thinking about, then finding the foods of choice, followed by eating ,sometimes slowly or other times shoving the food quickly into her mouth. None of this had anything to do with nutritional needs, nor hunger, but instead, representing pure emotional release. To her, everything was about fixating on the ritual, for all parts were related to the emotional release. Once we were inside the door, I wanted to encourage my childSelf to open the ritual so I could see inside. I felt certain that I didn't know all parts of it, nor from where they originated. I was also interested to know how the ritual was "fired", so I could work to dismantle those elements as well. Upon entering, it was clear to me that the ritual, nor it's parts, could no longer exist. I believed that dismantling them & removing them completely would be much easier than doing this piece-meal....like emptying a room completely, instead of just doing a corner at a time. For this, I needed the child at my side, so hopefully she would guide me into the deeper recesses of the room. I was soon to find out that she wasn't about to disappoint me...
Before I go ahead, we always have new readers & I'd like to welcome them...
A NOTE TO NEW READERS:
This experiential blog/workshop is based on my new book, "How Many Cookies Will It Take to Make Me Happy?" If you are new to my writing, you might want to read the earlier mini-chapters. They are available on FaceBook, The PublishersMarketPlace & at the following link. Remember to scan down to find the earliest chapters & work your way up. http://beyonddisorderlyeating.blogspot.com/
A bit of background.... we are working with creative Interactive Self-Hypnosis imagery, planting suggestions directly into the creative subconscious mind as you read along. What appears like a story is a series of self-hypnotic sessions, designed to bring about desired lifestyle changes. The inner mind is creative & rather child-like, loving to play with images, especially when they are emotionalized. Just like the saying, "a picture is worth a thousand words", well-planted mind images, can be worth hours of therapy. We can actually change or motivate in 1/200th of a second. So come along & look forward to some lifestyle-changing events.
THE ADDICTIVE CHILD'S PRIVATE ROOM
Once inside the room, I was stunned with the state of affairs, but of course, thisarea had been operational since I was a young child. Despite being over-loaded, it was actually quite organized. My childSelf seemed to take pride in this, making it easier for her to show me where things were. She was impressed with my interest, obviously appreciative that I wasn't angry not threatening. Luckily she missed the fact that I was appalled, perhaps because I decided to put that aside, for any criticism would have built resistance for the "show & tell." Part of me was pulled towards the seemingly mountains of food that had either been ingested or hidden through the years, but I decided that i preferred to enter the ritual first, for indeed, this was a core issue & would help to answer some of the areas that were nearer to the surface. My childSelf was fine with this, almost excited to share the intricacies of the ritual fine-tuning.
I'll share most of this with you, but space in the blog is a bit of an issue, but here's something I learned. Emotional eaters tend to preferto practice their ritual alone or if they share with others, these partners are carefully chosen. These are not the usual people one meets at a dinner party...but special addictive companions. In the case of my child, her ritual bliss was always about being alone & made especially potent by the preference of secrecy. For example, while she liked to binge in the car, she would never eat or even chew at red lights because the driver in the car next to her or behind her would be watching, thereby invading her secret. I was coming to understand that the more my childSelf trusted me, the more she would share & so staying open & non-judgmental would be key to my healing.
Copyright 2009 Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht
May not be copied or reproduced without permission of the author.
Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht is author of Sugar...the Hidden Eating Disorder & How to Lick It. She is also the writer/producer of over 350 mp3/CD programs in the areas of medicine, health, prevention, addictions, self-development & sports for adults & children.