Monday, November 02, 2009
Most of us are familiar with the horrors of abuse that can occur in childhood and can understand how such experiences could inflict serious damage in adult life. Hopefully you were fortunate not to have experienced such horrific experiences, but every life story has ups and downs that effect current goals and so it is still very important to review how you were parented. The box at the top contains some family of origin "flavors." If we were to generalize, most parenting styles are mixed bags. I know this is the way things happened in my childhood home. During happy times, life was joyful. When stressful experiences entered our home, it was like the lights went out. There was enormous tension and as a child, I thought if "I tried hard enough", I could keep the environment stress-free & happy. Of course, this was an illusion, but one that cemented itself to me, feeding my need to stay addicted to whatever was the drug of choice of the moment....candy, cookies, chocolate pudding and as I became older...caffeine, amphetamines, downers, alcohol and shopping to name just a few. Keeping my secrets became an important facet of my addictions, making it all the more difficult to become healthy. And, when one's own parent's skills are imbalanced, the child does not learn how to manage her own emotions in a healthy way. So, in order to recover and stay well, one must learn to self-parent those unhealthy behaviors and emotional imbalances.
We now understand that there are two sides to the coin. Unhealthy parenting styles, along with genetic tendencies are closely related to the development of addictions. You already know that certain disease states run in families and are connected to the over-production of insulin that is the physiological under-pinning of physical addiction. It's the old chicken and egg question, but whatever it is, do know that it is possible to become addiction free if you know what to do, have hot desire and willingness to work through the moments, both easy and difficult. We must always be willing to pay the price for optimum health and high level performance. And, nothing happens over-night. We wake up, become aware of what is, own our reality, devise a multi-faceted plan and go forward. On occasion we fall off the bicycle, but each fall wakes us up even further, helping us to become more cognizant of where we have been and what we've collected along the route. Then we can decide to either let things go or keep them. We are now in charge of our own lives.
"Just about everyone in my family of origin, as well as my extended family had unhealthy behaviors. Everyone was addicted to something. Since this was all I learned during my growing up years, is it possible for me to change now at the age of 36?"
While Claire had many unhealthy mentors, she certainly can change how she parents herSelf. It will take some new learning and a dedication to the process. Claire needs to understand that if she doesn't choose to change, things will not stay the same. The body and mind are always progressing, either towards health or illness.
Relax deeply and go inward easily as before. Take time to look closely into the many childhood chapters and notice the health issues of family members, yourself, as well as the emotional clothing worn by others and your child-self as you travel the time line. You might see the name of the emotion on the clothing label. Remember, awareness is key. Once you see something, you get to choose to keep it OR release.
• Were there family members with diseases related to addictions?
• Was there any fear either physical or emotional?
• Look at the labels in your emotional coats and make some notes about them. They
will be useful later on in your work with your Therapeutic Self.
• What sort of emotional coats were worn by those responsible for your care?
• Now look to the emotions/behaviors of your parents. Was there alcoholism, abuse,
cruel or unusual punishment, emotional neglect or psychological abuse?
• Were you nurtured on your time-line?
• Did anyone teach you how to manage your emotions and stress?
Observe if the parenting style included anxiety, criticism, rigidity, over-protectiveness, reversal of parent/child roles, performance related approval, denial of feelings or perhaps family secrets. These are all important keys to the unfolding of your present and future life and you may want to do some hypnotic editing in these areas, either with the help of a psychotherapist or by yourself if you feel you comfortable.
• Just as if you were reading a book about you, notice how you managed when things
were not going your way or when you were fearful?
• Were there any compulsive behaviors or addictions that were utilized?
• What was the response of your caregivers to your stress management tools?
• Allow your pen to flow the subconscious messages onto your paper.
This is a good moment to make some notes about your thoughts. Your subconscious mind is very involved in what you are learning and is busy bringing your attention to things that are especially important to you. Pay attention to your thoughts as you read through this material.
A NOTE TO NEW READERS:
This experiential blog/workshop is based on my new book, "How Many Cookies Will It Take to Make Me Happy?" This book is not published as yet, but you have the opportunity to read it in it's unpublished state. If you are new to my writing, you might want to read the earlier mini-chapters. They are available on FaceBook, The PublishersMarketPlace & at the following link. Remember to scan down to find the earliest chapters & work your way up. http://beyonddisorderlyeating.blogspot.com/
A bit of background.... we are working with creative Interactive Self-Hypnosis imagery, planting suggestions directly into the creative subconscious mind as you read along. What appears like a story is a series of self-hypnotic sessions, designed to bring about desired lifestyle changes. The inner mind is creative & rather child-like, loving to play with images, especially when they are emotionalized. Just like the saying, "a picture is worth a thousand words", well-planted mind images, can be worth hours of therapy. We can actually change or motivate in 1/200th of a second. So come along & look forward to some lifestyle-changing events.
Copyright 2009 Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht
May not be copied or reproduced without permission of the author.
Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht is author of Sugar...the Hidden Eating Disorder & How to Lick It. She is also the writer/producer of over 350 mp3/CD programs in the areas of medicine, health, prevention, addictions, self-development & sports for adults & children.