Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Who Owns Who?

This business of "self-ownership" came up again today. A good point of reference for journaling because it is much more important than it seems on the surface...

OK....where to start? I'll just let my pen make that decision.

We go through life owning all sorts of things. Even as little children we can remember owning our toys, clothes, even people. "My Mommy" comes to mind. Yes, she was MINE and when I held her hand, I remember doing so with pride of ownership. Of course, I knew that my mother had other kids, but in my little egotistical mind that was of no importance. She was mine and mine alone. As a teenager, there was MY boyfriend and MY best girlfriend. Again, pride in ownership, until the day when the boy wandered over to another "property" and my girlfriend made the cheering squad, finding new friends that didn't include me. Those were painful days.

Not learning the lesson, I carried my Ownership Manual into my marriage. My husband also had a manual, so according to the rules, I owned him and he owned me. Even our marriage vows sounded a bit like the manual. In my defense, I never quite cared for the way these vows were written, but in those years no one even thought to write their own version.

Looking back at our history of arguing, it truly all boiled down to the conflicting Ownership Manuals. "Do this because I say so." "You are mine." "Who do you think you are?" "I'm running this ship and I set the rules." "I don't remember giving you permission to buy that." "When are you going to grow up?" Just a few examples.

It's easy to understand how resentment grows when one's personal Manual is simply thrown aside as if it has no value. Then there's that feeling of being held captive, hands tied behind the back.... no escape in sight. Here are the choices...give up, please the other or fight back. It seems to me there needs to be more choices. What am I missing?

The pen scrawls, "You were born alone and you will die alone."


And then, "the space in-between those two Events belongs to you. Spend it as you choose."

Being brought to the realization that no one can own another, I put my Manual away. I could dispose of it, but I want to keep it as a reminder of what is my truth. I am free to live my life as I see fit, with the understanding that I must not harm others, but instead help them to grow and experience their own freedom.

I can't help but ask, "Will this be a hard sell?" After all, I've been married for decades. This new position of mine will not be very welcomed.

"There is nothing to sell. Just position yourself between your birth and death, imaging yourself taking care of yourSelf first, then extending your hand to help others. The rest will take care of itself. Perhaps a few bumps, but before long the road will become smoother. While it's true that you might hit other bumps, just drive your own car, for this is the only car you have. How you care for it will determine it's longevity, both emotionally and physically."

In the middle of writing this, I hit a bump. Needing to say "no" when my partner was definitely looking for a "yes." A few insults cow dung being thrown my way. His childSelf obviously not happy with my response, but it is the best thing for me and I deserve to be respected. Therefore, I deliver the respect to mySelf. This means that I'm not needy, nor will I ever be needy because I provide what I need to mySelf. Of course, it would be wonderful if he would also provide it, but since I don't "need" it, then my resentment is lessened. It's easier to shift over to a feel-good position. In the past, the pothole would have prevailed. Another day spent angry and resentful.

I admit to feeling the compulsion to go back and explain my position, but my Higher Self says "no need." Over-explaining is a co-dependent behavior, meaning that I give the keys of my car to someone else. Not the way to drive forward...