Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Freeing Yourself from Co-Dependency

This blog/workshop presents highlights from my new book, "How Many Cookies Will It Take to Make Me Happy?" If you are new to this area, scan down through the older posts to become aligned with what we're doing here. In the post below this one, you will find a link to an mp3 download for Goal Setting. This is a good introduction to your Life Path, also called your Goal-den Path. Here we are working with self-hypnotic images, or frames for creating Lifestyle Changes.

In the last blog/workshop entry I brought you to your Life Path. You've been introduced to your Therapeutic Self, emotional-state-kids, both positive & negative. Your over-arching Higher Power is filling your Path with light. The gardens are to your right & left. The biggest garden, on the right, is your MindBody Health Garden, the major garden of your Life Path. This garden contains plants for every cell in your body & it is in this garden that you work to meet all of the needs of your body. Keep in mind that all gardens are connected to each other by the underground root system. In other words, all gardens on the left hand side of the path, including your relationship with yourself, your significant others, your work, prosperity, home, spirituality & future are fed through the root systems that come from your MindBody Health Garden. This should, hopefully, underline it's importance, for make no mistake, if you don't take care of this garden, weeds will continue to grow in all other areas. Flip the coin & know that if you perform high level care to this garden, the plants in all other gardens will be highly nurtured, bringing forth gifts to you. This is not gobble-de-gook, but the way that the mind & body work together. It is pure science..

Many people, especially those with Disorderly Eating issues are co-dependent. That means that they are connected at the hip to others, often looking for direction, as well as approval from these hip-hangers. Not the way to be on the Goal-den Path; not the way to healing disorderly eating. In the past I was connected at the hip to my wonderful husband. I looked up to him, as a child would look up to a father-figure. He suggested that I jump & of course, I jumped. I loved him & still do, but I had to disconnect him from my hip. I had to be self-resourceful, independent & totally in charge of my Goal-den Path decisions. Yes, I could ask for advice or suggestions, but that is very different from allowing him to make my decisions for me. I also had to learn to say "no". I also had to learn to say "I'll think about it & let you know." If you are co-dependent, you may think that this is not possible with your particular hip-hangers, but it is not only possible, it is necessary.

I still work with some of my original images or self-hypnotic suggestions for managing this part of my Life Path. I see or "think" my path & gardens as being self-contained. In the distance I can see the beautiful stone walls that deliniate my life area. I pick up field glasses & look over the walls. I can find my husband's personal Life Path, as well as the one's belonging to my sons & also my Mother's. She is now deceased, but her Path is still present. In the past it was closer to mine, but I've been able to move it way back, almost to the horizon. This was an important move because I had a very co-dependent relationship with her throughout my entire life & in the first years that followed her death. The placement of the Life Paths of others, helps our creative subconscious mind to remember that we were born alone & die alone. We are in charge of our time-line between these two seminal points. In this aspect, there is no room for faltering.

I've had an eating disorder since childhood. As I've mentioned before, an eating disorder is multi-faceted & also has tangents. Those are particular paths that lead off of the disorder & infect other areas of life. When I was practicing co-dependency, I looked to my husband for all guidance. My child-emotions also looked to outsmart or fool him. For example, I'd wait for him to tell me that I was too fat, too thin, too this or that. Upon hearing his authority, I'm jump into action. Without that attention or direction, I'd continue to secretly binge, almost wanting to be caught before I killed myself. My child emotions would wake me up in the middle of the night, so I could binge in front of the television while he slept in the next room. I would even creep down the hall to check-in on his level of sleep, feeling empowered once I realized that "yippee, I was about to gobble down the rest of the ice cream."

When we have an eating disorder or practice disorderly eating behaviors, we can have all sorts of co-dependent relationships, including one with our Therapeutic or parent/teacher Self. That is why it is so important to build that inner-relationship on a daily basis. That is why we go to the Life Path & sit in the glow of our over-arching Higher Power. That is why we self-discipline our emotional states, both positive & negative. All of this is inner growth work & forms the backbone of our Life Path Experience & work.

You may think that this seems like a lot of trouble & if that thought has entered your mind, know that it was placed there by one of your negative-based emotional kids. The day that I realized that I had to change or I was going to have a very miserable walk down my Path towards my death, was the day that I was both very happy & very sad. Yes, letting go of unhealthy behaviors can be sad. These are like little deaths that need to be mourned. Here, we mourn & let go under our over-arching light.

Copyright 2009 Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht
May not be re-produced without permission of author

Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht is the author of Sugar...the Hidden Eating Disorder & How to Lick It, along with over 350 original, interactive self-hypnosis programs. You can review these at http://www.hypnosis-audio.com or http://www.international-medical-health-writers.com