Thursday, July 02, 2009
Living with disorderly eating or addiction is like existing in a dark room, waking each day to the same problems that seem never ending. If you are anything like me, you have tried hundreds of times to get the issues under control, only to find failure lurking around every corner. My disorderly eating & sugar addiction began when I was three years old. By the time I was six, I was adept at hiding food, especially sugar. I remember eating continuously & became the butt of family jokes & then discipline. I remember being embarrassed, ashamed & humiliated. I was even made to feel guilty for taking more than my share. However, none of this stopped me. It simply intensified my desire to eat more & hide more. Luckily I was a very athletic child & never gained much weight, but as I entered adolescence & adulthood, the binges became more intense, the secrets intensified & my weight yo-yo'd.
Underneath all of this, my self-image shattered & my self-value or esteem was practically non-existent. People said hurtful things, but none as damaging as the things I said to mySelf. I had lost my self-respect. No one, not even those closest to me, had any idea of my secret eating life & no one was able to see behind the huge, false-image facade I had built to protect my truths. Even I was afraid to look at who I had become, for it simply seemed too much for me to manage. It wasn't that I didn't try, because I did...over & over again. In fact, I remember feeling ashamed when I would make some efforts in this regard. No one took me seriously & looking back, I think this was one of the most hurtful things of all because I felt very isolated. After I found my own path to recovery, this was the kind of pain that I was to see repeatedly in my clinical practice & of course, I could more than empathize with it.
Despite being an RN & Clinical Medical Hypnotherapist, my recovery didn't "just happen." Eating disorders are complicated issues, having many facets. In the beginning, I believed like most people believe, it's a matter of staying on a diet & exercising. Being a very disciplined person, I did all that, but could never do it long enough to sustain what I was told was a healthy weight for me. All of these failures piled up, eating away at my self-image & esteem. I felt grossly inadequate, despite being very successful in my work. Ten years past....& then another ten. Each morning I woke up in the same place with the same thoughts & the same hauntings.
One day I woke up & things were not the same as they had been. On this very special day I was given a gift of very specific information that would open the mystery to my eating issues. I remember hearing the message, "pass it forward." That day I dedicated mySelf to doing just that & this book is a part of that dedication. These are the gifts from my Source....to yours.
But first....NOTE TO NEW READERS:
This experiential blog/workshop is based on my new book, "How Many Cookies Will It Take to Make Me Happy?" If you are new to my writing, you might want to read the earlier mini-chapters. They are available on FaceBook, The PublishersMarketPlace & at the following link. Remember to scan down to find the earliest chapters & work your way up. http://beyonddisorderlyeating.blogspot.com/
A bit of background.... we are working with creative Interactive Self-Hypnosis imagery, planting suggestions directly into the creative subconscious mind as you read along. What appears like a story is a series of self-hypnotic sessions, designed to bring about desired lifestyle changes. The inner mind is creative & rather child-like, loving to play with images, especially when they are emotionalized. Just like the saying, "a picture is worth a thousand words", well-planted mind images, can be worth hours of therapy. We can actually change or motivate in 1/200th of a second. So come along & look forward to some lifestyle-changing events.
THE PATH TO RECOVERY
The path to recovery is graced by being in direct communication with one's Higher Self. In past chapters I've touched on the need to be free of co-dependent relationships & to be self-responsible. I've mentioned many times that you are the writer, director & producer of your own life. You have a Therapeutic Self comprised of your Parent, Teacher & Physician Self. These are the elevated parts of your personality. Your lower-Self is comprised of your child, student & patient. These are the needy parts. And then, there is your Higher Self, as depicted by the "light." This is your Power Source, where you go to replenish energy & to build your self-image & esteem. As you can realize, this is a very self-sustaining organized unit, one of healing, leading to recovery.
We communicate with our Source in meditation, both formal & informal or in the moment. The Source is always available & ready to communicate. It is here that we receive guidance while building the self-image & esteem. There are certain things we know for sure & one of those things is that we are unique individuals. There will never be another person like you ever again. You are entitled to many things, simply because you are you. These include, but are not limited to respect, love, compassion, forgiveness & prosperity of many kinds. Your Higher Self or Source is there to guide you through your life journey. It helps to make up an image for this incredible relationship. I sense my Higher Self as a benevolent Parent, always ready to show me the way.
As we sit in meditation or awareness of our Source, we also bring issues to work on. These could include a need to build confidence, to become better at self-discipline, need for specialized knowledge, need for self-respect, gratitude & forgiveness to name a few. We also take this time to honor ourSelf & our achievements, for we all have many. Most of the time in life we wait for others to do this for us, but we do not need to wait. While it's nice to hear these things from others, you are no longer needy. You are no longer a victim. You take care of You. From now on forward, you are responsible for taking care of yourSelf, just as you would care for a child of yours & this how your Source cares for you, for you are the child of your Higher Self or Source. You are valuable. This is how self-image & esteem grows.
Copyright 2009 Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht
May not be copied or reproduced without permission of the author.
Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht is author of Sugar...the Hidden Eating Disorder & How to Lick It. She is also the writer/producer of over 350 mp3/CD programs in the areas of medicine, health, prevention, addictions, self-development & sports for adults & children.