Friday, October 08, 2010

Body Texting

Body Texting is a metaphor for how the body sensations communicate...stress, tension, pain, rigidity...just to name a few automatic responses. But, in order to receive messages, the phone needs to be charged and on.

Hanging out in my "creative-healing space", thinking of nothing in particular. Just waiting for light bulbs to go off in my head as I continue to relax and release. Goodness, I need so much deep relaxation. It's amazing how quickly my body returns into a tense state. It's difficult to notice this when I'm in the "circus of the world". It's such a hypnotizing space with so many distractions. The "hurry-up twins" are always hyperactive and the amount of stress they deliver to my body is incredible. If I was a cracker, I would break in half with no difficulty. Yes...breakable is a good metaphor for how my body feels. Anxiety and depression simply represent a higher end of my tension spectrum.

It's difficult for me to let go. Compulsive by nature and by "in-house" training. Needing to control something...anything. Hanging on to those things as if they were life-preservers. All of this may seem funny to onlookers, but trust me, it's not funny to feel like you're drowning in life.

I fill my life with activity like people fill shopping carts, closets and any other containment including their bodies with candy, cake and chips. If I were a drinker, I'd consume bottles. If I was a smoker, it would two packs a day. But instead, I'm a "doer" and this can be just as deadly. My body texting goes wild, but....if I'm tuned in, then it's like having my cell phone turned off. Not a good thing and this is how I ended up in my breakable condition.

The truth is that like most people, I look pretty good from the outside, but it's the inside that's at issue here. I've been ignoring my body messages and therefore paying the price. A mental body scan reveals the truth. Tension announcing itself in my jaw, behind my eyes, believe it or not in my right earlobe, shoulders screaming out, middle abdomen not particularly happy and even my knees are sounding the bell. Now before I scanned, I felt nothing in particular. That's the crux of the matter. When one doesn't look for the texting, the body appears to be fine, but on second glance there is a barrage of communication, all of it producing and storing itself as stress chemical accumulation.

So when does the body release? Last night I woke up around three in the morning with both of my legs in incredible spasms. This time the spasms found their way up to the middle of my thighs. I'd be lying if I told you that I wasn't freaked out. This was new for me. I hobbled around for awhile and then had to correct my breathing back to a relaxed state. My heart was pumping furiously from the fear of the new kind of spasms. I sat wondering why these had appeared, my inner body texting answering my questions with quite a few exclamation points. Of course....I get it, but while I was accumulating the stress, I was living in complete unawareness, just expecting my body to "deal with it." Well, it was dealing with it, but not in the way that pleased me.

I'm sitting here now, opening each body part even though some are not communicating. This is not only a powerful prevention method, but at the very same time, my creative space opens revealing positive aspects of things that are truly unseen gifts.

Time to recharge my i-phone!