"Make friends with your enemies and they will introduce you to yourself through a different set of eyeglasses."
I know this as truth. My darkest life experiences have been my most extraordinary teachers, but for some reason I've not approached my chronic depression in this way. No, that's not true. I've approached the experiences, but not the actual depressive emotion. I've never thought of them as two separate entities, but I can now understand that they are different.
It would be helpful to know what my "depressive self" knows, because heightened awareness or waking up is key to a higher level of recovery. I'm tired of just dealing with the depression when it surfaces. I never really know when that is going to happen, nor how long it's going to hang out. Usually it's at a very inconvenient time, not that there would be a good time for depression.
So, how do I make friends with it and what can it show me?
My Journal Master is not answering. Sometimes answers come immediately, even before my question is fully formulated and other times, it takes awhile. This used to confuse me, leaving me with the impression that the subconscious mind either didn't hear me or didn't want to reply or was making up some garbage to appease me. Experience taught me that none of this is true. I'm not sure why there is a delay, but I'm now confident that when a question is asked, the answer will be forthcoming. If there is a delay, I'm encouraged to spend more quiet or still time, giving space for the answer to birth itself. I'll do that now.
"You have to be ready and to have an accepting space for important information."
Oh...thank you.
So, after hearing that, I've decided to move away from my Journal and sit "for a spell" in my favorite meditation chair. Certain places or pieces of furniture can act as catalysts for relaxing deeply... entering the creative/healing space. At the very same time I'm making an "accepting space" for the new information. It feels so good down here. I can certainly understand when patients tell me that they want to stay in this area of the mindbody. Unfortunately or fortunately, we have to return to the reality of our day, for this is where we get to work with the new information.
It's interesting to observe the time element in hypnosis, for indeed there is no such thing as time. It simply doesn't exist. On the earth plane, I'm used to things either happening quickly or slowly, but hypnotically it can happen it a fraction of a second, or whatever that is, for there is no such thing as time. Everything is already in it's completed state and all that has to happen is to request it, have the cleared space and it is there. Bang!
I do want to meet my depressed Self. Part of me feels responsible for having created Her, another part of me wants to set Her free, but yet another part of me wants to know what She knows. I'm hardly finished "thinking" this when She appears, looking nothing like I thought she'd look like. Truly, I expected a Self with a low-hanging head, perhaps a pocket full of used tissues, OR an angry Self, ready to take me on. She is none of those.
She smiles, extending Her hand, welcoming me to Her world. There is no labeling of depression, just an original Self with clear experience and Knowledge. She is serious and worldly, perhaps someone I'd actually want to hang out with. I'm attracted to her. Yes, truth be know, I'm attracted to my Depressive Self. Why is this?
"There is a part of you that is very deep and introspective. There are parts of life that are difficult, sad and complex. The emotions that hang out in these regions are not pleasant, but they are real. If you look around your world, you don't have to look far to find them. The world can be seen as a "crying game". It's addictive and can feel familiar and comfortable, being very uncomfortable. It's like being tired, but falling into a comfortable sleep on a bed of thorns."
My depressed Self wants to walk my past path with me. It already knows that I want to find out about my eating issues....the addictions, compulsions, secret eating and great sadness. I want to know why I have such fights in this area of my life. What's underneath all of this? Will I ever be free? Can this part of me help?
We walk back further than I thought. It's strange to be in this area. I'm very young...sitting in my high chair in the kitchen. I'm distracted by my desire to sob. I have no idea why this is happening to me.
"The child is very sensitive. She reads the energy of the mother who is displeased with many things. The child doesn't know how to discern, but as she reads the energy, she replicates it inside of herSelf. She is not a happy child, but is frightened to express it, for she is fearful. If you have ever seen a puppy who cowls down in the presence of someone, you can imagine the feelings inside the very young child. She has already learned to detach herself. She slips inside the imaginary hood of a monk. Look at her. Can you see it?"
This image is very uncomfortable for me. I've lived inside the "monk's hood" for most of my life, wanting to be invisible, but also wanting someone to rescue me. This is a seminal image for my depression and I'm grateful for being brought to the image.
"Yes, I am your depressed Self, but I am willing to open the door for you. This is only one door. I was actually formed as a self-protection for you. I'm not the enemy, but your long-time protector. I'm happy to retire....it's been a long time coming. First change your energy. You must go to the baby and other images I provide to you with an energy of relaxed, but assertive power. Your energy is transferred to the images, for this is how you heal. Ready? Go now into this image, very gently move the monk's hood back from the baby, for she is a baby. Sense your energy as it moves from you to the baby. Pick her up. Always gently, but with no trepidation, for you are the Master. Hold her to your heart. Press her inward....more....more....until she is absorbed. Now, turn away from the image, for there is nothing more to do here. Come back out of the scene....I'm waiting for you. We have many places to visit."
I thank you dear friend. I am grateful for you.
