Thursday, October 21, 2010

The Depressive Jail Term

The presence of depression has given me access to a deeper place in mind where my creativity & healing abounds. This doesn't mean that I choose to be depressed, but it is good to know that I can release the depression, no matter the level, and quickly enter my creative place. Depression is not my jail, and I'm not obligated to serve a jail term, no matter who else might like to deliver a count of shame or guilt on my behalf. Forget that...

Good news...The release of negative energy can be very swift, for I believe the body and mind choose to be free of all depressants. The body seeks homeostasis or balance. The mind seeks love. As for the body, I've seen this in the Emergency Room when a patient is admitted following a suspected heart attack, accident or other medical emergency. Stress and accompanying fear can be so overwhelming, but when techniques for emotional release are applied, the patient moves swiftly into the creative healing place. Heart beat slows, blood pressure normalizes, even bleeding stops....just through deep relaxation and release of stress chemicals. Yes, the body knows what to do.

As goes the body, so goes the mind. Exiting the jail, entering the love-containing light. We often call this the quiet or still place, the place of peace and love. Even if we didn't receive love as a child, or in our adult years, we are all capable of love-producing. Love images abound and they are ours to take and internalize. Even small, insignificant images can play out powerfully in our mind-body, changing physical outcomes and leading us into our creative space.

It's good to know that we do not have to depend on others for love deliveries. While it's good to have others who do so in our lives, we can succeed without it. There have been times in my life when this knowledge was extremely useful, changing the tides for me. Sometimes when we go through difficult periods, love deliveries tend to lessen. This is, of course, just the opposite of what it should be, but we might even notice ourselves rejecting love when we need it the most. I know that during some of my most difficult periods all I wanted was to be "left alone." I've seen this in my nursing career, as well as when working with addiction patients or even with students who were struggling. It's common in relationship difficulties, and when in an uphill fight of any kind.

I've been invited to enter one of my creative endeavors. The one I've chosen is one that I've been fighting for a very long time. It involves writing a particular book that has to do with eating disorders and is very personal. It's also one where I want to be left alone, rejecting love and support from others. I simply want to be left alone in my private misery. For some reason I resent the intrusion in this area of pain. It tends to block my ability to think clearly. I ask my Journal Master, "Does this make sense? I would really like to understand this. Perhaps then, I can explain it to those I love and who are offended by my outbursts."

"When creating anything, one needs to be alone in their own creative space. The deeper you go, the easier it is to work with your own subconscious mind. This is not the time or place for socialization. But, this does not mean that others cannot give you love and support, but not in these particular moments. I've observed you with this project and notice that you do not set up your boundaries very well. There are times when others are welcome and times when they are not. There is no need for great explanation, just for boundary setting.

Then there is the issue of the content of your work. This is yours and yours alone, unless others are co-writing with you. You are not obligated to anyone when writing your book. You have always had a tendency towards co-dependence and the need to please. This is where a good part of your rage comes from. Of course, a good percentage of your rage is suppressed and here is the connection to depression. The more you try to work through this project, the more rage you encounter, both from subject matter and from the interference of others who are connected to your eating issues, past and present. It's like experiencing a difficult birth.

So, you know what to do. Own and love your project. It is yours and yours alone. Set up your boundaries, releasing others from your life and work. Walk inside your completed book. Meet up with your "internal writers" who live inside the completed book. They have already written the book and you are the receiver of the "gift." Play amongst the pages, the words engaging you as you heal."